Week in Review

Yes, I baked these for Thanksgiving. Pumpkin, Pecan, and a Dark Chocolate Chip Cheesecake. All I'll say is that the pumpkin and pecan were not even touched.

We spent the holiday with Rob's family in Morrison this year, rather than go to Ridgecrest with my family again. Last years' festivities were more sad and depressing than joyful, and we both didn't really want to spend the holiday this way again. We had a very nice dinner with the Elflines. My only beef was that they didn't have cranberry in a can. You know, the kind with the ridges? That is my favorite.

On Friday, Rob and I indeed go shopping. However, it wasn't nearly as bad as we had thought it might be. We ended up at Best Buy, Wal-Mart and Target, and were pleasantly surprised at the lack of craziness. We did, however, splurge this year and buy ourselves a very nice Christmas tree. Since we have more than enough room for a tree this year, we decided we would be grown-ups and buy a nice one. It is, of course, artificial, but it looks just beautiful in our dining room. Rob picked the royal colors of gold and purple. You should see it at night. It's really breathtaking.



Since my last post, I've really had quite a nice week. After learning that I wasn't pregnant, and posting about it on both my blog and Facebook, I had a bit of an outpouring of comments and support from friends. One in particular mentioned I start reading books by spiritualist Eckhard Tolle, who has penned The Power of Now, Stillness Speaks, and A New Earth. Mr. Tolle talks much about living in the moment, and not allowing yourself to get caught up in the chatter of what comes next. It's been a real joy reading his books, and finding that I have the capability to turn off the mind when I need to. Because of this, I've had such a peaceful and lovely week. Yoga has also helped this. I practice every day now, and I am noticing how my body is changing. Rob and I had our last class with Jeani yesterday at DSY, but we did sign up for the next 6-week class that begins next Saturday. In addition, we get two weeks free unlimited classes with our first 6-week session. I'm planning on going at least twice this week.

In a random twist, I've recently received a message from an old college acquaintance on Facebook. I was presently surprised to find a message from her this past week, as it has been years since we've spoken. During my freshman year of college, we had become friends when I started getting more involved in the theatre program at Clarke. In the beginning of my sophomore year, I sort of went through an emotional breakdown of sorts. A crisis of conscience, if you will. At that time in my life, I wasn't really able to communicate (or really wanted to) what was happening in my life. When I decided that sticking to the music program was going to be my path, I think I alienated many people, including her. It was a strange time in my life, as I had also started dating a boy who ultimately turned out to be a gigantic mistake. As I grew into an adult and left Clarke, I did often wonder about her and where she landed. Turns out she is married and landed here in the QC with a brand-new baby. I am unsure what else she is doing these days, but she had mentioned to me that she is involved in Venus Envy with our mutual friend Melissa. It was really quite wonderful to receive her message, and I hope that we are able to continue in getting to know each other again.


Lastly, I picked up my recent B&W rolls from the Camera Corner this past week. Here is some photos from the Fall.


The goat at Niabi Zoo



Our nephew Enzo



Aiden, son of our friend Dawn.



Oliver and one of his moms, Abbey


Rob and the lorikeets



Oliver on the run



Norallene and Zoe the dog



Our niece Isabella and her daddy.

Dis-ease.

When I first started this blog nearly 3 years ago, it was primarily for me. I stopped journaling (which was, largely, a mistake) and allowed this to take it's place. I used to write most days during the week. I posted thoughts, feelings, poems, pictures of what was happening in my life. I didn't care who in cyberspace could read it, because it was for me.

Then, last fall, when the blast-from-the-past/Anonymous poster reared her all-in-bad-taste head, I lost my nerve. Maybe that was what she was going for. To make me feel small, which, incidentally, was exactly what she and her friends did to most people in college, so I wasn't really surprised. However, anonymous poster doesn't check my blog much anymore or, really, at all. It made me realize that I shouldn't give a crap who reads what I write, or for that matter, their opinion on the things I do write. That's what blogs are for. To write about what is happening in personal lives. And I miss doing it. From now on, I write what I like. End of story.

I haven't been having the best couple of weeks. Since moving in, I've always felt a little "off". Like I should be doing something, but the something never comes. I feel uncomfortable, bored, lazy. My studio took a bit of a hit since moving, so the fall has been a bit slow. It is, however, starting to pick back up, with four new students added just in the last week, so I'm starting to feel better about that. I've been planning the 2009 theatre season, and I'm feeling pretty great about that, too. But there is still something that just doesn't feel right. It's as if I'm always waiting for the next big thing. Ideally, what I'd like to do is to begin living my life between the goals. Or, living in the moment. Which is something I used to be able to do. Even just last year. But for some reason, I've ceased to remember how. I started seeing Lucia again, my therapist. We talk about seeing everything in life as an experience, and being present to each one. Also, just being in the process. Last year, when I was dealing with all my (for lack of a better phrase) "Daddy Issues", I relished being in the process. I knew what was happening each and every moment, and I loved it, because I wasn't afraid to feel everything in that moment. Now, I get too caught up in the outcome. I think this past summer has a lot to do with it. The theatre season, as well as closing on the house. I was so nervous something would come along and fuck everything to Hell. In the end, it didn't, and all was well. Lucia seems to think that I didn't recover from all the stress over the months of May-September. Frankly, I think she is spot on. So now, we work on stress recovery and living in the moment. I am greatly looking forward to it.

Last night, I finally pulled out the journal. In the past, I used to write every night. Lately, it's far and few between when I actually get to it. However, something compelled me to write last night. I have a book of writing prompts. Just a simple line to prompt you into some train-of-thought writing. Last night's was about returning. I wrote for a few minutes, just letting the pen flow. Towards the middle, I started writing about how I wished to return to "my art". My brain seemed to know what my hand wanted to do. When I finished, I realized what I wished I could return to. And that is performing. Being a performer is just a part of who I am, and have and will always be. I mentioned in my previous post that I haven't been cast in any shows here, and how it is upsetting. There aren't many other opportunities to perform here. I really enjoyed last winter, as Rob and I were contracted for lots of gigs and had a blast. But I haven't performed since Elegies, and I'm really itchin' for something. It feels nice, though, to know what it is I'm missing.

I am now going to rant. Those of you who'd rather not read, then just stop.

A year ago, Rob and I decided we were ready to have a baby. Emotionally and physically, I was in the prime of my life, and very ready to make babies. Once the theatre season started, we very seriously never had sex. We were too busy or too tired or both. So we stopped trying. Now, we are settled in the house, and we've begun trying again. I know that it takes time. Nature is taking its course, and we need to be patient. However, I honestly thought I was pregnant this week. I was having symptoms that seemed very much like pregnancy, and it turned out not to be. I was devastated. I felt so stupid for thinking that there was a chance when, in reality, it was a wicked case of PMS. On one hand, my body may feel ready, as I've been "preparing the nest" so they say. No alcohol, exercise, eat right, take prenatal vitamins. I'm doing everything a woman should do. On the other, maybe baby knows I am in a weird place emotionally and that it shouldn't come yet until I figure some stuff out. This is supposed to be dangerously easy! Why is it so hard?!
And here is the kicker. I'm so tired of people saying to me that "it's okay". I'm tired of the advice. I'm tired of the universe kicking me while I'm down by showing me thousands of pregnant women or women with newborns,or ultrasound pictures or baby clothes or maternity shops (I know, how existential of me, right?). There are moments I just want people to stop talking to me about it. It's nobody's business to talk to me about my reproductive system, or my husbands. And frankly, I don't care if YOU get pregnant at the drop of a hat. So please, oh please, just don't mention it to me.

Today, I'm going to see the Twilight movie with an old pal I haven't seen in years. I am very much looking forward to it. And looking forward to seeing the movie. And tonight, dinner with D, who I miss very much!

Week(s) in Review

Christ I'm a slacker. No, for real. And it's not like I have an excuse for not writing. I have none. All the time I could be sitting here at the computer, I'm doing other things. Like watching hours upon hours of The Office. I hate to say that, while I've always sort of liked the show, I never really watched it religiously like most fans. I bought Season One for myself for my birthday last month. Then, I came into a little early Christmas money and bought Season Two just last week. And now, I can't seem to get enough. And by that, I mean I can't get enough of John Krasinski. I'm probably a couple years behind the time of falling madly in love with him like most Office fans, but who cares. I didn't get into Supernatural until just before Season Three as well. I didn't start watching both Alias and Lost until the tail end of Season One. Ah. Who cares, right? The point is I'm a fan now. And Netflix has Season Three available in Instant Watch. Which I will probably do for the majority of the day today because Rob is in Morrison preparing for his gig with the Clinton Symphony tomorrow. Jim Halpert, it's you and me today, baby.

This week, Rob had his Fall Break from Augie. What really sucked is that the majority of break, he spent it at work anyway, practicing for his gig. I won't lie. I was kind of upset. But what can you do? I wish my husband were able to take some time off and RELAX, which he desperately needs.

In other news, I wasn't cast in the musical I auditioned for a few weeks back. Honestly, I was a bit upset. Just between you, me, and the entire blogging community. I think any strong singer would feel the same way, as this is Jason Robert Brown we are talking about, and not just anyone can sing his music. JRB's music requires not only nuiance, but stamina. My anonymous reader would probably take a moment here to bash me for being so full of myself, but honestly, I'm a trained musical theatre singer who knows her shit. And one of the girls (notice I say girl, not woman) that was cast, in my opinion, is WAY too young and doesn't have the MT chops to handle the role. This kind of stuff makes me miss Cincinnati desperately. In Nati, mediocrity is thrown to the wayside. Granted, there is more talent in Nati than here (not saying there isn't talent here, just more of it there!). But there isn't that political bullshit there like there is here. It's a bit ridiculous, really.
However, because I wasn't cast, Rob and I bought our tickets to Texas to see Dad, Cathy, Abby and Jake. It was probably a blessing in disguise, not getting cast, because now we get to spend a week with our family. And that is going to be great. In addition, we are heading to Chicago a day before we fly out of O'Hare to take in some museums, and hopefully see our friend Andrea, and possibly Keith.

We are also trying to plan a trip out to LA to see Ross and Christopher. They have lived there for years now, and we've yet to pay them a visit. Rob has never been to LA (it's been over 10 years since I've been), so it is definitely time to do so. If we're able to go, we hope to get down to San Diego for a day or two. I was lucky enough to spend some time there in college on Choir Tour, and it was a beautiful, lovely place. In addition, I may even get to see old friend Celeste, and finally get to meet my blogger friend, Anne Elisabeth. We shall see!

11-4-08

I don't want to say cheesy things. Or things that are cliche. But something happened last night that the whole world is buzzing from. Not only did we see the first black man elected president, but we saw a GREAT man elected president.

I am a liberal. And I am proud of that. My parents raised me to be a free-thinker. Politics, religion, it doesn't matter. I am a liberal. I believe in the upholding of the Constitution. I believe that women should always have the right to choose what happens to their bodies. I believe in equality no matter your race, creed, sexual preference. I believe that women have just as many rights as men, and should be given as such. I believe that my two best friends, a same-sex couple, should have the rights that all heterosexual couples do. I believe in affordable health care for everyone, as for a time in my life, I paid out of pocket for my own insurance, and understand the burden it is on the working class. I believe in the Earth, and hope to see it improve over the years to come, instead of perish because of ignorant people who can't understand its power and beauty. I am a liberal. And I helped to elect Barack Obama.

Last night, we spent 3 hours with our closest friends, glued to the television in hopes of seeing the man who has not only inspired us in that room but a nation sick and tired of the religious Right policies of a failed administration. Every one of us in that room understood the magnitude of every mistake of the Bush administration, and could not for a minute see how our nation could elect into office the McCain/Palin team. When, at 10pm, the TV flashed "Obama is President-Elect", we all sat there, in awe and disbelief. Shocked, we said "What? For real?", and it was. We kissed, we hugged, we cried. A collective group of young professionals, moved to a point of absolute joy no one could explain or put into words. When President-elect Obama came to the stage with his wife and two daughters, the tears silently flowed from all of us, myself included. We all sat in silence, listening to him speak of how we as a nation did this. The man who has inspired hope, change, ideas, freedom in each and every Obama supporter, spoke and we listened as he thanked Joe Biden, his family, his wife, and of course, promising a new puppy to his two young daughters.

I hope the pride I feel as a liberal American feels the same to everyone who shared in as magnificent night as I did.

Amazing

PRESIDENT OBAMA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Halloween 2008

Pics from last night's party at Jake and Andy's house!



Scott from "V for Vendetta"



Can you guess what we are?



A very clean girl Erin



A stingy Jaci



Nosferatu!



A lovely group



Some random folks



!!!!!!!!



Bowie squared



Ann, Chris, Jill and Aaron



Andy and Arsh