Chess- the first month

I can't believe we've been rehearsing Chess for over a month now. I'm not nearly as anxious as I was at the beginning, or nervous about meeting people. I've met so many wonderful people, and am becoming fast friends with many of them. There are still a few who give me leary looks. Is it because I don't get to spend much time with them during rehearsals? Do I come off as a bitch or a "diva"? I surely hope not. But the majority of them are so nice, and supportive to boot. The fun part is getting to work with a host of talented people. Brian Anderson, playing Anatoly, is a complete doll. We have to make-out. This I'm a little nervous about. Sure the guy is gay, and both of us are in a committed relationship, but kissing is a very intimate thing. I don't care who you are. Being that close with someone is always frightening. What if my breath stinks? Maybe I shouldn't have eaten that hummus before coming in. How does my skin look? Is that zit going away? These are the things I think about when I'm standing there. But it's going well. We have yet to kiss. It was surreal the other day when I was telling Rob, my husband, that "It's very sweet. Brian and I have started holding hands." And Brian Berendts. This guy is the most crass individual I've ever met in my life. But we read together at an audition a few years back, and the chemistry between us was like nothing I've ever experienced. So it's been fun working with him, too. Plus, he's gorgeous. That never hurts. One of the hardest aspects about rehearsal is that many of the cast often has conflicts and aren't there. Including Michael Shawn. Hello? Does anyone realize how hard it is to act to air? Or to get shit done? Maybe I'm just bitter because I don't have much of a social life outside of this show.
I'm so jealous of those people. Keith calls to go out and I say "Sorry, can't. I'm broke." And I'm not lying about that. I have $29 in my checking account that has to last until the end of the month. This getting paid monthly thing really sucks. But I'm up for a job at Kids R Kids as a Lead Teacher. This will be awesome! The sad part is that I would have to leave Gymboree, where I've been for three years. It's been such a wonderful company to work for, and the people have been super. But it's hard to make ends meet when you aren't making any money. And if I get this job? I'll have money to go out and be social and feel alive again. Like a living, breathing, human, social butterfly. Like I was years ago. What happened to that girl? I think she got married and started staying in, watching old movies in her flannel pants. Spring is coming. Maybe she'll come out of her shell in the weeks to come.