That's right, as some of you may have heard on the news, a 5.4 earthquake rocked the North Coast at 4:19am this morning. I was kind of hoping that, during our stint here, I would be able to feel one. Living the midwest all your life, the prospect of actually feeling, or hearing, an earthquake are slim to none. Sure, we've got tornados out the yang, but earthquakes? No way!
It was a little strange, waking up to it. Maddy came careening into the bedroom from her perch on the couch. The sound of her nails on the hardwood floor sent me straight up in bed. Then came the rumbling. It sounded a bit like a wild animal running across the hoods of cars out on the street. It was then that the bed started shaking, and I thought it was Rob! I wanted to wake him from sound sleep and ask him what the hell he was doing shaking the bed! It then abruptly stopped, and both Maddy and I felt back to sleep.
Strange, as I didn't know it was an earthquake until this morning when the kids ran into my office saying "Miss Ally, did you feel the earthquake this morning?!". I smiled and nodded, secretly realizing what had gone on at 4:19 this morning. A mid-western girl, feeling her first earthquake. Isn't that a song or something?
Monday, February 26, 2007
Saturday, February 24, 2007
Week in Review
I have to say, it's been quite a lovely week, as I've had the last five days off of work due to President's Week. Yep, in California, we get a whole week off instead of just one day. It's been nice, doing nothing this past week. I've spent a lot of time playing video games, watching TV, napping. I really needed this break after the long months of stress not knowing where we would end up next fall. I finally kicked the runny/stuffy nose I had, as well as some kind of stomach flu/food poisoning I had last week. All in all, I will say this was a much needed break.
Last night, Rob and I celebrated the job offer with a night at Avalon, a beautiful restaurant in Old Town. Expensive, but we deserved to celebrate our victory. The food was superb, the wine selection immense, and the service impeccable. It was one of the few times we've received good food/service in Eureka.
I bought our plane tickets home for our two week break in June. We are so happy to be getting out of here to visit with friends in Cincinnati as well as home. If anyone has a spare bed and can put Rob and I up for three nights, please contact me!
Two days ago, I posted on the things I greatly dislike about this part of the world. Within 24 hours, I received this comment on my post from an anonymous reader...
"you are careless in making comments here which some might find hurtful. by the way, houses here cost at least 3X as much as where you are going. why do you suppose that is? The competition is high to live here. You don't know what you are writing about with such seeming authority. Your head is up your...."
I found it both funny and insulting. Number one, I never meant to offend anyone by writing so matter-of-factly of the reasons I can't stand it here. They are my opinions and mine alone- I own them with great courage. Number two, the things I mentioned, however, were not opinions, they were actual facts about this area. I ask anyone to prove me wrong when I talk about how the weather sucks, how TV reception goes in and out (our ABC affiliate is STILL out, since Wednesday), how much marijuana gets grown and smoked here (especially in that ever-so-safe location, THE CAR WHILE DRIVING) and how we lost our internet service a month ago due to a fire.
I very rarely speak about my political views on this blog. I prefer to use this forum as a way to speak of my inner-most feelings. This blog has taken the place of countless journals over the years, and allows me to speak to my readers on the things in my life I am most passionate about. However, ask any one of my closest friends and they will tell you that, when questioned and insulted on my own beliefs, you will get a fight. I am not afraid to speak my mind when it comes to politics, religion, or the state of the world in any facet. In response to anonymous, I say this- there is no fight or competition to live here. The reason housing is so expensive here is because the market is so over-inflated. Anyone who would come to visit this place would instantly see the poverty, the vagrancy, and the homeless who, due to poor working wages (most people work for minimum wage here, hardly a living wage) and the fact that a mobile home in a trailer park in Fortuna costs 100K, cannot afford to buy a house, let alone rent an apartment. Most two bedroom apartments here cost over $900 a month. Hate to break it to you anonymous, but, if you do the math, minimum wage doesn't cover that expense, let alone the inflated price for groceries or gas, which tops out here at about $3 a gallon. I'm no idiot, I realize houses here cost 3x as much as they do in Illinois. Wouldn't you think I'd rather get more bang for my buck? A two bedroom shack in Eureka goes for about 200K. Rob and I are looking at houses back home, and we could get a beautiful 4 bedroom stucco house with dining room, two sun porches and hardwood floors for about 98K. And it won't rain all the damned time. Which location do you think I'm going to choose? The economy in this area is dying. Logging companies are going under left and right, shops are closing because the people of this area can't support them.... I just guess people with their heads up their asses are a little more aware of what is going on in the world than people whose heads aren't. I'll prefer to keep my head up my ass any ol' day if it means I can still see and think clearly about the state of the world.
Last night, Rob and I celebrated the job offer with a night at Avalon, a beautiful restaurant in Old Town. Expensive, but we deserved to celebrate our victory. The food was superb, the wine selection immense, and the service impeccable. It was one of the few times we've received good food/service in Eureka.
I bought our plane tickets home for our two week break in June. We are so happy to be getting out of here to visit with friends in Cincinnati as well as home. If anyone has a spare bed and can put Rob and I up for three nights, please contact me!
Two days ago, I posted on the things I greatly dislike about this part of the world. Within 24 hours, I received this comment on my post from an anonymous reader...
"you are careless in making comments here which some might find hurtful. by the way, houses here cost at least 3X as much as where you are going. why do you suppose that is? The competition is high to live here. You don't know what you are writing about with such seeming authority. Your head is up your...."
I found it both funny and insulting. Number one, I never meant to offend anyone by writing so matter-of-factly of the reasons I can't stand it here. They are my opinions and mine alone- I own them with great courage. Number two, the things I mentioned, however, were not opinions, they were actual facts about this area. I ask anyone to prove me wrong when I talk about how the weather sucks, how TV reception goes in and out (our ABC affiliate is STILL out, since Wednesday), how much marijuana gets grown and smoked here (especially in that ever-so-safe location, THE CAR WHILE DRIVING) and how we lost our internet service a month ago due to a fire.
I very rarely speak about my political views on this blog. I prefer to use this forum as a way to speak of my inner-most feelings. This blog has taken the place of countless journals over the years, and allows me to speak to my readers on the things in my life I am most passionate about. However, ask any one of my closest friends and they will tell you that, when questioned and insulted on my own beliefs, you will get a fight. I am not afraid to speak my mind when it comes to politics, religion, or the state of the world in any facet. In response to anonymous, I say this- there is no fight or competition to live here. The reason housing is so expensive here is because the market is so over-inflated. Anyone who would come to visit this place would instantly see the poverty, the vagrancy, and the homeless who, due to poor working wages (most people work for minimum wage here, hardly a living wage) and the fact that a mobile home in a trailer park in Fortuna costs 100K, cannot afford to buy a house, let alone rent an apartment. Most two bedroom apartments here cost over $900 a month. Hate to break it to you anonymous, but, if you do the math, minimum wage doesn't cover that expense, let alone the inflated price for groceries or gas, which tops out here at about $3 a gallon. I'm no idiot, I realize houses here cost 3x as much as they do in Illinois. Wouldn't you think I'd rather get more bang for my buck? A two bedroom shack in Eureka goes for about 200K. Rob and I are looking at houses back home, and we could get a beautiful 4 bedroom stucco house with dining room, two sun porches and hardwood floors for about 98K. And it won't rain all the damned time. Which location do you think I'm going to choose? The economy in this area is dying. Logging companies are going under left and right, shops are closing because the people of this area can't support them.... I just guess people with their heads up their asses are a little more aware of what is going on in the world than people whose heads aren't. I'll prefer to keep my head up my ass any ol' day if it means I can still see and think clearly about the state of the world.
Thursday, February 22, 2007
The North Coast vs. The Rest of California
Since getting the good news last week about us going back home, I've been getting a lot of emails saying "That's great news! Sorry to hear you hate California so much". I needed to desperately clear something up. I don't hate California. In all actuality, I really quite love California. I've been to San Francisco, San Diego, L.A., Sacramento. Loved them all, especially San Francisco, as when I'm there, I feel I'm home. But let's get something straight. The North Coast doesn't really qualify as California. Sure it's geographical location suggests otherwise, but let's be honest. Humboldt County is the bastard redneck cousin of everything that California stands for.
Let's count the reasons, shall we?
1. The weather- I keep getting emails about how great it would be to be here and experience the "California" weather. People, please, it rains here 90% of the winter. Last night, it was 35 degrees. When I woke this morning, it was 39. It's warmer in Illinois right now. I heard, last year, it rained for 41 days straight. 41 days!! No wonder the Northwest has the highest suicide rate in the US. Sheesh.
2. Television reception- This just pisses me off. Last night, five minutes before the end of Lost, our reception went off (which happens quite frequently). A pretty blue screen popped up, telling us reception would be restored as soon as possible. Fuckers. Can anyone tell me what happened the last five minutes last night? Right after Juliet brought Jack his sandwich and showed him her 'mark'?
3. Champions of Mediocrity- For some reason, the people of Humboldt County seem to strive for nothing less than mediocre. Whether it's customer service, food preparation, or their own livelihood, everyone in this place is happy with just being 'okay'. It's really quite sad, because they could do so much more with their lives, but aren't. That is why music, theatre, art suffers here. They aren't doing everything they can to make it really shine.
4. Mary Jane- Please, don't get me wrong, everyone deserves a little... relaxation every once in a while. But, due to the fact that Humboldt County grows 90% of the US' domestically distributed pot, most people smoke a lot of it here. A LOT. For instance, a few weeks ago, I was driving from HSU home after a day of teaching. I got behind a nice BMW station wagon going 40 in a 55. I pulled to the side and proceeded to pass him. When I looked over, there was a dude in his 60's, lighting up a bowl... WHILE DRIVING. Number one, not safe, dude! Number two, what the F#@&??!! Are you serious?! And this happens all the time. I've probably seen this sort of thing 3 or 4 times while I was in the car.
5. Fiber-optic cables- About a month ago, I woke in the morning, sat at the computer with my coffee for a morning of emailing, to discover we had no internet. I first looked at the modem, which all lights were functioning. I then looked at the desktop, which told me my LAN was disconnected. Making sure I wasn't going insane, I stood up, looked behind the computer, and sure enough, all cables were hooked up correctly. I called Dell, spent a good 20 minutes on the phone when Rob called and said a fire in some guys shed out in Redway burned down, burning through the fiber-optic cable that attaches Eureka to the outside world. We didn't have internet for about 9 hours. Businesses couldn't run credit card machines, and had a hard time doing business for a day or two afterward. This isn't really a big deal. I can live without the internet for a day or two. But, on principle, things like this shouldn't happen!
I will say this much, it's beautiful here in the late summer. When the sun shines, it's like being born. It's great living in such close proximity to the beach. But, when we finally move home, there is nothing I will miss. Not a damn thing.
Sunday, February 18, 2007
Full Circle
Rob and I received this bottle of Moët & Chandon from a guest of our wedding on September 6, 2003. It sat in our wine rack for a year or two until one of us pulled it out and said "are we ever going to drink this?". It was then that we decided we would wait to open it until Rob received a job offer... a real one. Humboldt State University didn't count, seeing as it was a last minute decision in the summer of 2006.
The bottle traveled with us to Cincinnati from Illinois, then to California from Cincinnati, where it patiently awaited, chilling in the refrigerator. The bottle became this sort of God-like figure, and we started to see it as a "when we get the fuck out of here, we'll open it" instead of "when Rob gets a job, we'll open it" mantra.
Friday, February 16, 2007. Did we ever think this would be the day the bottle would open? No, because you never think about it. You never want to believe that the thing you put upon a pedestal will ever really happen. Why would you do that to yourself? Why should you let yourself want it that much? It's like Thurm said the other day, it's good to think pessimistically, because when something good happens, you can be pleasantly surprised. Not the best mantra to go through life, but it works.
At 4:45 Friday, February 16, 2007, Jeff Abernathy from Augustana called our house and offered Rob the position of Assistant Professor of Piano. I'm not going to tell you the starting salary (unless you're a really dear close friend and I've already spilled the beans), but I'll say this... Augie is a private, selective college with money out the yang... I'm talkin' deep pockets in the institution. Rob will, start out, making 3 times what he makes at HSU... with a raise every other year until he (fingers crossed) makes tenure. After tenure, a significant bump in pay with raises every year until he tops out at full professor... our 40's and 50's will be good years.
I don't know how to describe to all of you how we've been feeling the last two days. Elated, surprised, anxious, excited. Neither one of us can sleep because our minds are running at warp speed, thinking of all the wonderful things we'll be able to do once home. We can see our parents (with the exception of my Dad and Cathy) any time we want. We can see Les and Corey anytime we want. We'll be able to see Kal, Wade and the kids a heck of a lot more than once or twice a year. I'll be able to see my sister, my brother-in-law, and finally see my nephew again. We can be a part of our nieces lives. We can shop at Hy-Vee again! Gas won't be $3 a gallon! Rob can begin his career in the same place he will retire, his dream job. And I can finally start my theatre company, in a place I love more than any other... Home.
Rob said today "Are we making this move home out to be more than it really is?". I didn't even have to think before saying "No". It will be five years this August that we left the Quad Cities. Almost five years to the day. I look back on that time and see two young kids, confused and scared, trying to make their way out into the big, scary unknown. Cincinnati was good to us. We fit there, we loved it there, and we miss it terribly. But come the summer of 2006, we were ready to move on. We both needed to get away, we needed space from Cincinnati, to figure some things out. Our marriage is strong, deep and wiser for coming to this place. I, too, am stronger. I feel sturdy, I feel warm, and I feel that I finally understand myself. Maybe that is something that comes with age and would've happened no matter where we were, but something deep inside says I needed to come to California to find myself. To understand how deep the roots of our marriage had grown. And to understand what we both needed and wanted in our lives. The answer? Quite simply, to buy a house, be close to our family and friends, work in careers we are both passionate about, and have a baby. It took five years and traveling in all manner of directions throughout the country, but now we understand.
We are already making plans for our return. It will be a sweet homecoming, knowing what awaits us when we get there. And we just...can't... wait.
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
Favorites: The Men
From time to time I like to get a little sentimental about certain folks in my life. I was nostalgic last night, talking to two of those favorite people on the phone. It made me long to post about all the favorite, wonderful fearless men in my life. Enjoy.
Charlie
He is one of the most gracious, lovable, tell-it-like-it-is people I've ever met. We had a chance meeting while he was working at a local salon and spa where I was a client, and I knew he was going to be my friend. During the run of Chess, we became closer yet, after sharing a dressing room with two of the other women in the cast. I love this brave man with all my heart. He knows many of my secrets, and I know, with him, they will stay that way.
B
B is definately one of the hottest guys I've ever known. No lie. But once you get past the looks, the sarcastic inappropriate exterior and the incredible stage talents, beats the heart of a sapp. Listen to him talk about his girlfriend and you see it sparkle in his eyes. Brian became a dear friend also during the run of Chess when I was going through a rough patch. He was consistently there during 2am-Coco-Puff-eating-sitting-in-my-underwear-at-the-computer rant fests. Thank you, my love, for always listening. (above, Chess, May 2006)
Chuck
What do I even say about this one? He and I bonded over a glass of wine and greasy sandwich at Chez Nora's, trying out our No-Small-Talk mantra with each other. Ever since, he has been my rock, my sounding board, my best friend. Love you. (above, Union Station, 2006)
Jason
Jason and I met by happenstance, a strange little twist of fate when my friend Matt from the cast of Chess told me I should check out fellow blogger Jason's site. It was kismet, the meeting of us. While I've not seen Jason as much as I'd like, he is still one of my favorites. We have a connection, this one and I.
(above, summer 2006)
Ken Goldhoff
...or Kenny G, as I like to call him. I also call him my "Jew Friend", because, well, he is! Kenny is such a talent, having gotten close with him during our run of I love you, you're perfect, now change back in the winter of 2005- this was the show I was downed during when I had appendicitis. Kenny and I had to do a mock love scene during the course of the show, and, much to my dismay, I kept creating a dutch oven. Sorry KG! Love this man- he adores and worships his wife, his children, and loves his life. Wish we all could be as happy. (above, cast party, I Love you... now change, Feb. 2005)
Keith
Also by happenstance that this boy and I became close. While auditioning for New Stage Collective's 2005 summer season, I was paired with Keith during callbacks for Sunday in the Park with George. Keith gave thee most intense audition I've ever played off of in my career as an actor, and, upon coming home that evening, told Rob about it. He deemed him Captain Intenso!, thinking we'd never see him again. Of course, as fate would have it, we played opposite each other that summer in Kimberly Akimbo. Ever since, we've been the best of friends. He is one of the funniest men I've ever known. Where does he get all that energy? (Photo above from Kimberly Akimbo cast party- asshole broke my chair)
Kevin
Coming back from a coffee date with a girlfriend during the fall of my senior year of college, I ran into this new gay boy in the computer room of my dorm. We sat into the night talking, and the rest was history. His alter ego, Ms. Ginger Snap, and I ruffled the feathers of our conservative catholic college by going to the Spring Formal together... in drag. It was hot! (Above from my days in the band Ally and the Skinny Ties... before I dropped the 30 pounds... blech)
Mark
One of the most talented musicians I know, the boy has directed me in two shows to date (ahem, hoping for that call to do L5Y someday, ahem). He must really worship me! HA! Love you!(above, Union Station, 2006)
Michael Shawn
During my audition for New Stage Collective's 2004 season, I heard this beautiful voice coming from the audition room and wanted to jump whoever it was I had heard. This beautiful creature and I had the wonderful opportunity to work opposite each other not once, but twice during my tenure in Cincinnati. How lucky could I get? We have a lovely connection neither one of us could describe, I think. We are very much alike, but different enough to offer balance when the other needs it. I love you, friend. (above from Side Show, 2004... look at the hot wig I'm in?!)
Thurman
In my previous post, I mentioned this spectacular friend. He has traveled a beautiful road during his life, and listening to him speak about it is just as stellar. Thurm is smart, funny, sexy... tell me again why this guy is still single? (above, Maddy birthday party, May 2006)
Last but not least...
I saved the best for last. Why do I love this man so much? He is my rock, my balance. He is brilliant, passionate, a talented and intelligent musician. While being strong, he allows my strength to come through as well. He is the first man I'd ever dated to question, to push me, to make me believe I was worth something more than I could have ever imagined. He understands me, accepts me, and has always been there when I wanted to throw in the towel. He sees something in me that I probably never will, and for that, I am curious. He believes in my ideas, my potential, and sees things in a way I was never brought up to believe. He opens my eyes. And at the end of the day, there is no one else I'd rather 'tud' with. Love you, baby.
Charlie
He is one of the most gracious, lovable, tell-it-like-it-is people I've ever met. We had a chance meeting while he was working at a local salon and spa where I was a client, and I knew he was going to be my friend. During the run of Chess, we became closer yet, after sharing a dressing room with two of the other women in the cast. I love this brave man with all my heart. He knows many of my secrets, and I know, with him, they will stay that way.
B
B is definately one of the hottest guys I've ever known. No lie. But once you get past the looks, the sarcastic inappropriate exterior and the incredible stage talents, beats the heart of a sapp. Listen to him talk about his girlfriend and you see it sparkle in his eyes. Brian became a dear friend also during the run of Chess when I was going through a rough patch. He was consistently there during 2am-Coco-Puff-eating-sitting-in-my-underwear-at-the-computer rant fests. Thank you, my love, for always listening. (above, Chess, May 2006)
Chuck
What do I even say about this one? He and I bonded over a glass of wine and greasy sandwich at Chez Nora's, trying out our No-Small-Talk mantra with each other. Ever since, he has been my rock, my sounding board, my best friend. Love you. (above, Union Station, 2006)
Jason
Jason and I met by happenstance, a strange little twist of fate when my friend Matt from the cast of Chess told me I should check out fellow blogger Jason's site. It was kismet, the meeting of us. While I've not seen Jason as much as I'd like, he is still one of my favorites. We have a connection, this one and I.
(above, summer 2006)
Ken Goldhoff
...or Kenny G, as I like to call him. I also call him my "Jew Friend", because, well, he is! Kenny is such a talent, having gotten close with him during our run of I love you, you're perfect, now change back in the winter of 2005- this was the show I was downed during when I had appendicitis. Kenny and I had to do a mock love scene during the course of the show, and, much to my dismay, I kept creating a dutch oven. Sorry KG! Love this man- he adores and worships his wife, his children, and loves his life. Wish we all could be as happy. (above, cast party, I Love you... now change, Feb. 2005)
Keith
Also by happenstance that this boy and I became close. While auditioning for New Stage Collective's 2005 summer season, I was paired with Keith during callbacks for Sunday in the Park with George. Keith gave thee most intense audition I've ever played off of in my career as an actor, and, upon coming home that evening, told Rob about it. He deemed him Captain Intenso!, thinking we'd never see him again. Of course, as fate would have it, we played opposite each other that summer in Kimberly Akimbo. Ever since, we've been the best of friends. He is one of the funniest men I've ever known. Where does he get all that energy? (Photo above from Kimberly Akimbo cast party- asshole broke my chair)
Kevin
Coming back from a coffee date with a girlfriend during the fall of my senior year of college, I ran into this new gay boy in the computer room of my dorm. We sat into the night talking, and the rest was history. His alter ego, Ms. Ginger Snap, and I ruffled the feathers of our conservative catholic college by going to the Spring Formal together... in drag. It was hot! (Above from my days in the band Ally and the Skinny Ties... before I dropped the 30 pounds... blech)
Mark
One of the most talented musicians I know, the boy has directed me in two shows to date (ahem, hoping for that call to do L5Y someday, ahem). He must really worship me! HA! Love you!(above, Union Station, 2006)
Michael Shawn
During my audition for New Stage Collective's 2004 season, I heard this beautiful voice coming from the audition room and wanted to jump whoever it was I had heard. This beautiful creature and I had the wonderful opportunity to work opposite each other not once, but twice during my tenure in Cincinnati. How lucky could I get? We have a lovely connection neither one of us could describe, I think. We are very much alike, but different enough to offer balance when the other needs it. I love you, friend. (above from Side Show, 2004... look at the hot wig I'm in?!)
Thurman
In my previous post, I mentioned this spectacular friend. He has traveled a beautiful road during his life, and listening to him speak about it is just as stellar. Thurm is smart, funny, sexy... tell me again why this guy is still single? (above, Maddy birthday party, May 2006)
Last but not least...
I saved the best for last. Why do I love this man so much? He is my rock, my balance. He is brilliant, passionate, a talented and intelligent musician. While being strong, he allows my strength to come through as well. He is the first man I'd ever dated to question, to push me, to make me believe I was worth something more than I could have ever imagined. He understands me, accepts me, and has always been there when I wanted to throw in the towel. He sees something in me that I probably never will, and for that, I am curious. He believes in my ideas, my potential, and sees things in a way I was never brought up to believe. He opens my eyes. And at the end of the day, there is no one else I'd rather 'tud' with. Love you, baby.
Saturday, February 10, 2007
Signs and The Karmic Balance
I've always been a person who believes in signs. While the majority of you know that I consider myself an atheist, I still feel there is something out there in the universe that guides and pulls us. To some, it's the deity of God, Jesus, any figure from religious literature. I was lucky enough to be raised by two people who allowed my sister and I to make decisions for ourselves when it came to our spiritual beliefs. I struggled for many years with this concept. A product of society, I always felt there was something in the world, some divine wisdom I couldn't see or touch, but knew was out there, that helped me on my path. But, on my personal journey, I realized that divinity was not God or Jesus. Not for me. I became interested in many other religious philosophies, and none of them ever felt comfortable in my skin. At the age of 25 I began to understand I was an atheist. A word that people spoke in hushed tones when I would tell them, accompanied by leary glances and looks that said "Blasphemy!". When my husband and I married beneath an ancient oak tree the summer of 2003 by a wonderfully gay woman officiant, my supremely religious aunt proceeded to ask my drunk mother at the reception if the ceremony "counted" because there was no mention of God or Jesus. My beautiful, soulful mother bit her tongue instead of punching the bitch in the head like she should have.
I've come to accept my decision of being called an atheist with pride, almost a badge of courage. While living in Cincinnati, an extremely conservative city who loves their religion, I would often have to explain myself and my beliefs. I never took offense, as people are curious to know how you come to believe and accept certain things about your life. The only time I ever became defensive was at a cast party for the 2005 New Directors Workshop, when a fellow colleague asked me "Well, if you don't believe in God, what is keeping you from going out and killing a bunch of people?!". "Silly, young boy," I said, "Religion and morality are two very different ideas. I can still be a good person in the eyes of society, I can still have values and morals and not be a God-loving Christian". When I got a blank look and an open jaw, I knew my job was finished. As a side note, I became dear friends with a man during the run of Chess. His name is Thurman, and he's a fantastic man who deserves nothing but happiness. I deeply respect Thurm. While knowing I am an atheist (he is very much a Christian), he never once questioned my beliefs, nor I his. We accepted each other on who we are as people, not what we believed when it came to a divine spiritual guide. Thanks, Thurm.
It wasn't until this past year I started to understand the role of the Divine Feminine in my life. Now before you assign names to me like "flake", or "treehugging dirt-worshipper", you must know that she isn't a sort of deity I worship. The Divine Feminine lives in all women. Her other name is Inner Voice. Before going deep into everything the Divine Feminine represents, all I'll say is you should just read Sue Monk Kidd's The Dance of the Dissident Daughter. Kidd eloquently penned both The Secret Life of Bees as well as The Mermaid Chair during the last few years (also spectacular).
Because I've always been a person who tries to recognize signs when given to her, I wanted to share with you something I've seen recently that has come to be quite a sight. About three weeks ago, I was taking Maddy on her morning walk, when I heard a unique bird call. I looked up to see the biggest black bird I've ever laid eyes on. With a gutteral sound coming out of it, I said to myself "That is the strangest crow I've ever seen". It was then that I realized I had seen a raven. Ravens are unique only to the northwest, as well as Norse countries, and there is much folklore and mythology surrounding the raven, which I will get to in a moment. That morning, the raven stayed on my right side as we walked down the street, continuing it's gutteral call. Maddy even looked up to see the bird, and the two seemed transfixed with each other as we finally rounded the corner and out of the birds' sight.
After seeing the raven a few weeks ago, I just chalked it up to an unusual happenstance, and forgot about it. This morning, while taking Maddy for her 8am jaunt, I heard the same call and, sure enough, looked up on my right side to see the raven, sitting atop the telephone wire. I was in awe of this beautiful, majestic bird. It called at me a few times, and as we passed the bird, it followed us, landing on the telephone wire across the street. It watched us for a few moments, then flew out of sight. As we walked toward home, I could still hear the call throughout the neighborhood.
Due to seeing the raven twice, I needed to find out if this was a sign. There had to be some sort of explanation to why I had seen the same bird twice in three weeks. If it had been a crow, I would have ignored it. But, seeing as ravens are unique and rare, I knew I had seen something special. I spent some time this morning researching raven lore and mythology, and the results were quite interesting....
The Raven is known in cultures of various Northwestern American peoples to be a "trickster" god. In many tales, the Raven was known to steal the moon, the stars and the sun, and spread them throughout the world. Before the Raven, people lived without fresh water and fire until he brought it to them. The Raven was known to bring light, and in some cultures, is thought to be who created the world. The Raven is very smart, thought to be the only animal, other than humans, that can count.
The Raven is also native to Norse countries, as I've said before. The mythical God Odin had two ravens, whom he sent to watch over the world, asking questions to both the living and the dead, and report back to Odin at the end of the day.
In folklore, to hear a raven croak on your left (which is why I mentioned twice he was on my right side) will bring ill will. Also, seeing a raven can mean good luck. The symbol of the raven is magical. And, of course, we all know the timeless tale from Edgar Allen Poe, in which a raven visits a lonely man to warn him of his impending death.
With all of that said, I can deduce the double sighting of the raven means good luck/news is on the way. I hope I am right...
In regards to karmic balance, I also am a big believer in "what comes around goes around". Karma is the theory that "it is not about retribution, vengeance, punishment or reward. Karma simply deals with what is". It is the ideal that the effects of all deeds actively create past, present and future experiences, thus making one responsible for one's own life, and the pain and joy it brings to others. I like this theory. I'm a Libra, and Libras must always have balance in their lives to feel at ease. So, naturally, the idea of karma fits well into my life.
I almost killed a dog yesterday.
This was, likely, the most intensely frightening experience of my adult life. Upon driving to the grocery store, Rob and were chatting about buying a house someday. It was a beautiful, sunny day in Humboldt County, and we were enjoying the afternoon together when all of the sudden, I see a little brown critter run out in front of my moving car. At first, I thought it was a rat or some kind of small rodent. When I realized it was a chihuahua, I screamed at the top of my lungs, slammed on the breaks, and heard a yip. Luckily, the guy behind me slammed on his breaks too, and a split-second later, the little dog ran out from under my car and back into the alley from which he ran out of. Heart trying to break out of my chest, breathing faster than my asthmatic trachea could allow, and my throat reeling from the scream, I sat in the middle of the street, cars waiting behind me while I attempted to catch my breath. Rob rubbed my leg and told me it was okay, the dog was okay, everyone is fine, I let up on the clutch and gave her a little gas and continued, albeit shaky, down the street. As we turned the corner, the guy behind me shouted "you stupid bitch!". I figured, he could call me a stupid bitch all he wanted, I didn't kill that damn dog. That was the important thing.
But it got me thinking about how we balance everything in our lives. Is there a cycle to it all? Is there a reason Rob and I have spent a miserable 6 months in dreary, wet Northern California? Will it pay off? Why did the little dog get spared? Did the guy behind me call me "a stupid bitch" because, two days previous, I called a guy "a stupid dick" in the parking lot of the grocery store? A lot of questions I may never know the answer to. All it does is make me appreciate my own actions, and know that I must always be mindful of what I say or do. Oprah said it best when she uttered "Turn your wounds into wisdom". Meaning, don't spread rumours, be polite, and try to see the best in people. That's how I choose to live my life. Because I'd rather turn my wounds to wisdom any day than spend my life being bitter, angry and judgmental.
Enough said.
I've come to accept my decision of being called an atheist with pride, almost a badge of courage. While living in Cincinnati, an extremely conservative city who loves their religion, I would often have to explain myself and my beliefs. I never took offense, as people are curious to know how you come to believe and accept certain things about your life. The only time I ever became defensive was at a cast party for the 2005 New Directors Workshop, when a fellow colleague asked me "Well, if you don't believe in God, what is keeping you from going out and killing a bunch of people?!". "Silly, young boy," I said, "Religion and morality are two very different ideas. I can still be a good person in the eyes of society, I can still have values and morals and not be a God-loving Christian". When I got a blank look and an open jaw, I knew my job was finished. As a side note, I became dear friends with a man during the run of Chess. His name is Thurman, and he's a fantastic man who deserves nothing but happiness. I deeply respect Thurm. While knowing I am an atheist (he is very much a Christian), he never once questioned my beliefs, nor I his. We accepted each other on who we are as people, not what we believed when it came to a divine spiritual guide. Thanks, Thurm.
It wasn't until this past year I started to understand the role of the Divine Feminine in my life. Now before you assign names to me like "flake", or "treehugging dirt-worshipper", you must know that she isn't a sort of deity I worship. The Divine Feminine lives in all women. Her other name is Inner Voice. Before going deep into everything the Divine Feminine represents, all I'll say is you should just read Sue Monk Kidd's The Dance of the Dissident Daughter. Kidd eloquently penned both The Secret Life of Bees as well as The Mermaid Chair during the last few years (also spectacular).
Because I've always been a person who tries to recognize signs when given to her, I wanted to share with you something I've seen recently that has come to be quite a sight. About three weeks ago, I was taking Maddy on her morning walk, when I heard a unique bird call. I looked up to see the biggest black bird I've ever laid eyes on. With a gutteral sound coming out of it, I said to myself "That is the strangest crow I've ever seen". It was then that I realized I had seen a raven. Ravens are unique only to the northwest, as well as Norse countries, and there is much folklore and mythology surrounding the raven, which I will get to in a moment. That morning, the raven stayed on my right side as we walked down the street, continuing it's gutteral call. Maddy even looked up to see the bird, and the two seemed transfixed with each other as we finally rounded the corner and out of the birds' sight.
After seeing the raven a few weeks ago, I just chalked it up to an unusual happenstance, and forgot about it. This morning, while taking Maddy for her 8am jaunt, I heard the same call and, sure enough, looked up on my right side to see the raven, sitting atop the telephone wire. I was in awe of this beautiful, majestic bird. It called at me a few times, and as we passed the bird, it followed us, landing on the telephone wire across the street. It watched us for a few moments, then flew out of sight. As we walked toward home, I could still hear the call throughout the neighborhood.
Due to seeing the raven twice, I needed to find out if this was a sign. There had to be some sort of explanation to why I had seen the same bird twice in three weeks. If it had been a crow, I would have ignored it. But, seeing as ravens are unique and rare, I knew I had seen something special. I spent some time this morning researching raven lore and mythology, and the results were quite interesting....
The Raven is known in cultures of various Northwestern American peoples to be a "trickster" god. In many tales, the Raven was known to steal the moon, the stars and the sun, and spread them throughout the world. Before the Raven, people lived without fresh water and fire until he brought it to them. The Raven was known to bring light, and in some cultures, is thought to be who created the world. The Raven is very smart, thought to be the only animal, other than humans, that can count.
The Raven is also native to Norse countries, as I've said before. The mythical God Odin had two ravens, whom he sent to watch over the world, asking questions to both the living and the dead, and report back to Odin at the end of the day.
In folklore, to hear a raven croak on your left (which is why I mentioned twice he was on my right side) will bring ill will. Also, seeing a raven can mean good luck. The symbol of the raven is magical. And, of course, we all know the timeless tale from Edgar Allen Poe, in which a raven visits a lonely man to warn him of his impending death.
With all of that said, I can deduce the double sighting of the raven means good luck/news is on the way. I hope I am right...
In regards to karmic balance, I also am a big believer in "what comes around goes around". Karma is the theory that "it is not about retribution, vengeance, punishment or reward. Karma simply deals with what is". It is the ideal that the effects of all deeds actively create past, present and future experiences, thus making one responsible for one's own life, and the pain and joy it brings to others. I like this theory. I'm a Libra, and Libras must always have balance in their lives to feel at ease. So, naturally, the idea of karma fits well into my life.
I almost killed a dog yesterday.
This was, likely, the most intensely frightening experience of my adult life. Upon driving to the grocery store, Rob and were chatting about buying a house someday. It was a beautiful, sunny day in Humboldt County, and we were enjoying the afternoon together when all of the sudden, I see a little brown critter run out in front of my moving car. At first, I thought it was a rat or some kind of small rodent. When I realized it was a chihuahua, I screamed at the top of my lungs, slammed on the breaks, and heard a yip. Luckily, the guy behind me slammed on his breaks too, and a split-second later, the little dog ran out from under my car and back into the alley from which he ran out of. Heart trying to break out of my chest, breathing faster than my asthmatic trachea could allow, and my throat reeling from the scream, I sat in the middle of the street, cars waiting behind me while I attempted to catch my breath. Rob rubbed my leg and told me it was okay, the dog was okay, everyone is fine, I let up on the clutch and gave her a little gas and continued, albeit shaky, down the street. As we turned the corner, the guy behind me shouted "you stupid bitch!". I figured, he could call me a stupid bitch all he wanted, I didn't kill that damn dog. That was the important thing.
But it got me thinking about how we balance everything in our lives. Is there a cycle to it all? Is there a reason Rob and I have spent a miserable 6 months in dreary, wet Northern California? Will it pay off? Why did the little dog get spared? Did the guy behind me call me "a stupid bitch" because, two days previous, I called a guy "a stupid dick" in the parking lot of the grocery store? A lot of questions I may never know the answer to. All it does is make me appreciate my own actions, and know that I must always be mindful of what I say or do. Oprah said it best when she uttered "Turn your wounds into wisdom". Meaning, don't spread rumours, be polite, and try to see the best in people. That's how I choose to live my life. Because I'd rather turn my wounds to wisdom any day than spend my life being bitter, angry and judgmental.
Enough said.
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
Mornings
I am not a morning person. Nor have I ever been a morning person. I highly doubt, that at nearly 30, I will become a morning person after so many years of not being one. Rob, on the other hand, is a morning person. He likes to describe my waking in the morning as waking Hades from thousands of years of slumber, complete with gravelly voice and equally frightening morning breath. I, no doubt, believe him. I've seen how I look in the morning.
However, it's not like I want to wake up as I do. I've always harboured secret desires to be a morning person. To be like those women in commercials, seen walking through sunny markets at the crack of dawn, drinking coffee and buying fresh fruit while snapping photos of interesting sights. I'd like to be like that. But I made a realization that, to be one of those women, I need to be able to get out of bed in the morning. Number one, I have the best, most comfortable bed on the planet. King size pillow-top, complete with sateen 400 thread-count sheets and a micro-suede duvet. It's really hard to get out of that sucker in the mornings. Number two, which is the sadder of the two, there isn't much for me to get up for. In all honesty, my job is just "okay". Not anything I'm ready and excited to get to in the mornings. It's usually gray and dark here in the early day, so when I wake, it still feels like it's 4 in the morning. And, quite frankly, I'm not excited about ANYTHING. It's awful, to feel that one little decision would be the end-all be-all of quick fixes. I keep thinking "if Rob just gets a job... if he can get us out of here, then...." but it's true. Because once we are out of here, things can begin happening. Then I can be one of those women. Someone who is excited to get out of bed in the morning. Because I desperately long to...
However, it's not like I want to wake up as I do. I've always harboured secret desires to be a morning person. To be like those women in commercials, seen walking through sunny markets at the crack of dawn, drinking coffee and buying fresh fruit while snapping photos of interesting sights. I'd like to be like that. But I made a realization that, to be one of those women, I need to be able to get out of bed in the morning. Number one, I have the best, most comfortable bed on the planet. King size pillow-top, complete with sateen 400 thread-count sheets and a micro-suede duvet. It's really hard to get out of that sucker in the mornings. Number two, which is the sadder of the two, there isn't much for me to get up for. In all honesty, my job is just "okay". Not anything I'm ready and excited to get to in the mornings. It's usually gray and dark here in the early day, so when I wake, it still feels like it's 4 in the morning. And, quite frankly, I'm not excited about ANYTHING. It's awful, to feel that one little decision would be the end-all be-all of quick fixes. I keep thinking "if Rob just gets a job... if he can get us out of here, then...." but it's true. Because once we are out of here, things can begin happening. Then I can be one of those women. Someone who is excited to get out of bed in the morning. Because I desperately long to...
Saturday, February 03, 2007
Week in Review
Rob returns today from Rock Island, Illinois, our hometown, from his interview with Augustana College. Thursday night he had a superb dinner with the committee at Savitri's, stayed the night at the spectacular Radisson downtown Davenport, and spent all day Friday on campus. After speaking with him, when all was said and done, he felt he did well, but of course, as the performer he is, is a little insecure about the whole process. He is one of three candidates up for the position, with the other two candidates coming to Augie in the following 5 days. He felt he connected well with ALL members of the faculty, the students, and both the Dean and President of the college. I think his insecurities stem from wanting the job so much (and feels if he doesn't get it, I'll be disappointed in him, which couldn't be farther from the truth) and not wanting to have to wait to find out. Most performers always question themselves when it comes to their art, and his fears aren't abnormal, not in the least. But we are trying not to get our hopes up. We both want this to happen so badly we can taste it. Of course we will be disappointed if the job goes to someone else, but we will survive.
Although, if he does get the job, the benefits package is endless. I could take classes for free at Augie, and our kids would be able to attend ANY consortium college for FREE!!! All I can say is WOW.
With Rob being gone, I've gotten many things done I've been meaning to for some time. Our food pantry was starting to get a weird funk, so I cleaned it out and bleached it out to rid of the nasty stench residing inside. I cleaned the house top to bottom, took Maddy to the spa, went to work and did pilates! I missed Rob, but it was nice to have him away so I could get some work done.
Am feeling good after my bout with the flu last week. The congestion is pretty much gone now, only a runny nose ever so often. I agree with my friend Ann, as I may constantly be sick here due to my unrest with where my life is and this dreadful place. It could be yucky feelings manifesting itself into a wicked virus. Ah well, hopefully we will get some good news in the next few weeks that will brighten my spirit and rid of any nasty energy still hanging around.
Have also been reading up on the GMAT, as I've decided to go back to school for an MBA, not an MFA. I did a lot of thinking, and rather than get an MFA in Directing (something I already know how to do) I should consider an MBA. I have many years of experience and education in the theatre... it's the business side of things I wouldn't have a clue on. Depending on where we end up (or Goddess-forbid, stay here) there are many fine schools that offer an MBA. If I headed back to school full-time, I could finish in a year, two if I just went part-time. Sure, there would be quite a bit of information I would need work on (hello? Statistics?), but I know I'm intelligent, and driven, enough to get it done.
And... just had to post this photo from Daniel Radcliffe's shoot to promote his nude debut in Equus this coming spring. When did Harry Potter become hot?!
All for now!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
