Week in Review

Dearest readers,

Please accept my apology for being absent this week. I was (and still am) fighting a horrible sore throat, which eventually turned into a sinus thing, which left me nearly incapacitated for the remainder of the week. By Thursday, I was feeling great, but sounding horrible. Note to self- get a humidifier; as a singer, these little machines come in quite handy during cold and flu season.

By Friday, I was still fighting a runny nose, but that didn't stop me from heading out to see Fully Committed at The Green Room Theatre, starring Eddie Staver. Afterward, a huge group of us headed out to the Blue Cat for some drinks and fellowship, which was greatly welcomed. I had a blast chatting with Derek, D, Jeff, Andy Koski, Mike Schultz, Aaron and Jill, etc.. We called it a night around 11:30. I'm getting to old for these late nights, but they sure are fun.

A few weeks back, Rob and I had been asked to participate in WQPT's fundraiser Champagne on the Rocks at The Outing Club in Davenport. I would be singing a few numbers, and Rob would be accompanying me as well as two other singers. My dear friend Bryan sang a few, and the adorable Andrea Prestinario, a Chicago actress and singer, joined us as well. It was a grand affair. Rob wore his tux, as did Bryan, and Andrea and I in our best black evening gowns. The event was attended by the QC elite and very rich, all dressed in their best. We hob-nobbed and met many, including the President of THE National Bank, who went apeshit over our performances.

Andrea, Bryan and I

Us plus Rob


When we began the show with Chicago's All That Jazz, my wireless mic decided then that it wasn't going to work. It wasn't a problem for my first solo number, in which Bryan and I switched mics. But when it came time for my second, a big belty number from Wicked, I headed back out and attempted to sing again with a mic that totally died. As Rob vamped, I peeked my head backstage for a wireless handheld, which as soon as I began singing into it, sent an ugly feedback out into the audience. They all gasped, as did I. I tried once more, again with an awful feeback sent out into the crowd. At that point, I actually said "Screw it", turned off the mic, threw it on the podium, and started singing with no mic. Now, I don't know how many of you have been in the ballroom of The Outing Club, but it's quite a large room, with a gazillion-foot tall ceiling. To be able to sing The Wizard and I from Wicked with no mic, filling that room with my voice while getting over a cold was going to be a challenge. But as soon as I threw that f'ing mic down, the crowd started to applaud. It was a moment I will remember for always. This magical little moment between me and... 150 people. And I tell you what, I nailed that song, and the crowd went apeshit. I definately acquired the BadAss Award last night for my rousing, working-my-ass-off rendition of a huge song while getting over sinus congestion. Afterward, I was exhausted, and ready to crash. It was a great night. Next year, I'm asking for more money.

Next on the agenda, I begin rehearsals for Bryan's new musical, and Rob and I are getting ready to sing for Vocal Valentine on February 10 at The Abbey Station. We can't wait!

Week in Review

Despite contracting a vicious sore throat over the weekend (where could I have gotten that from??), it has been a lovely week.

Maddy has been fighting hot spots these past two weeks, and desperately needs to be groomed. Because of this, she's been donning the E-collar, or "Hat" as we like to call it. She has grown quite accustomed to it, although I'm sure if she had her druthers, she'd rather not wear it.



Friday night, Rob and I went to The Hat with D. My cousins Matt and Chad own this family restaurant in West Davenport, and we had a blast eating lots of fried stuff before heading over to see a movie.



The three of us met Jeff and Stephanie over at Showcase 53 to catch the opening night of Cloverfield.

For those of you unaware of this new movie, it is from producer J.J. Abrahms (of Alias and Lost fame), and features a cast of unknown actors. The story goes like this: giant monster descends on Manhattan and ravages the city. It drops parasites the size of taxi cabs (that look like giant spiders, ticks, lice, etc.) that attacks and kills it's prey, and it seems that the monster is unable to be killed. The story brings you in as Rob, the main character, is leaving New York for a glamourous job in Japan, and his best friend Hud is filming the goings-on at his going away party. As the city comes under attack, Hud continues to film everything around him, including people getting bit by the giant spiders, folks looting local electronics stores, and the military trying it's damnest to kill the 6-story tall monster. I really quite liked the movie, and I was terrified most of the time. It's hard to watch at times, as if you get motion-sickness, it can surely make you nauseated. But it was great to see a cast of unknown actors, truly horrified at what is happening around them. Because they went with a cast of unknowns, the company was allowed to use all it's money on special and visual effects, and it doesn't disappoint. If you can stand the seizure cam, be sure to check this movie out.


Saturday night, Rob and I spend time with our friends Abbey and Anya, a wonderful lesbian couple who bring their son Oliver to my Kindermusik class. It's been great becoming friends with these two ladies outside of class, as they are an absolute riot. We shared stories over thai food and pound cake, and when I started to feel yucky from my sore throat, we decided to head home. We just love them, and enjoy spending time with them so much!


This morning I woke to hear the phone ringing. The caller ID said "Iowa Call", but I didn't recognize the number. I thought it might be a prospective student, but when I picked up the phone, I heard "So, I hear you're having dreams about me", and immediately knew who it was.

In June of 1996, I met a young man named Dave Mathews. Seriously, the guy's name is Dave Mathews, but with one T instead of two. If you think back, the summer of 1996 was right when The Dave Matthews Band was starting to become a household name, and I thought it was pretty awesome that I had met "Dave Mathews". We had all gone to a swimming party, and Dave was there, diving sideways off of diving boards, screaming at the top of his lungs, and generally making a fool out of himself. I was smitten.

Me, Dave and Kim (college friend) meeting for the first time


The two of us seemed to hit it off, and by the end of the party, he shouted out his phone number at the top of his lungs, and I quickly wrote it down. Three days later, I called him, and we made a date to see a movie. All this time, I never thought of us as getting romantic. Dave was this fun-loving, crazy individual and I just wanted to know him and be his friend. When he picked me up, I was sitting at the dinner table with my folks, and Dave comes barreling down the drive in a huge green truck with the license plate "1 Xtreme". No shit. My parents thought it hysterical, and off we went to see Nicolas Cage in The Rock. I remember it being about a hundred degrees with 100% humidity, so we stopped at Whitey's and picked up some malts, then back to his house to hang out. I had a horrible chest cold, and his adorable mom came out and told us stories about how her mother used to feed them Vicks Vapo-rub as kids. FEED it to them. As the night wore on (which turned into morning), it was apparent that the two of us had some kind of connection, but what?

The summer continued on, we kept hanging out, but nothing ever happened. We would snuggle together, casually date, but he never kissed me. When the summer was over, I was headed back to Clarke, and he back to ISU. We said a lovely good-bye, and promised to keep in touch, which we did, all the time. E-mails, phone calls. Dave was (and still is) a hockey nut, and would often write me with hilarious stories of hockey try-outs at ISU. To know Dave is to love him, anyone who knows him will tell you that. He came up for the Homecoming Dance, where he totally hit it off with all my friends. I had gotten a lead role in the fall musical, and Dave had told me he would be unable to attend. Opening night, I looked down, and there he was, in the front row. I nearly had a nervous breakdown right on stage seeing him sitting down there, a giant smile on his face. It was this weekend that he confessed to have strong feelings for me. I was a young 19, confused in my feelings for him, and unsure of what to do, as I was also feeling strong feelings for another boy I was in school with (who I ended up dating for a year).

The years went by, both or one of us always in a relationship with someone else. Our timing sucked. There would be times when we'd see and talk to each other every day. Then we wouldn't talk for years, and it turned out we hadn't spoken in 5 years. 3 years ago, while living in Cincinnati, I decided to write a letter and send it to his parents house in Moline. I knew it would eventually get to him. A few months later, I received an email from him. He was in the Army, stationed in Afghanistan. We emailed like crazy for many months, then he sort of dropped off the map. Rob and I moved to California, then we moved here. I tried emailing him again, and finally, a response. At this point, I had no idea where he was, what he was doing. We had invited him to our Christmas party, and I received an email that he couldn't make it, but that he was teaching at West High School and living in Davenport. All this time, he had been out of the Army and living here in town. I was thrilled. I emailed him last week, telling him he made an appearance in my dream and asking him to call me. And lucky me, after all these years, I finally got a phone call this morning.

To this day, there is this unspoken... "Thing" between us. We're both married ( I more happily than he, I think), have grown to be strong and interesting adults, but it doesn't matter. There was, and always will be, a strong connection between us. We went so many years of trying to work things out, to be together, but with both of us living so far apart during our college years, it just never happened. And then it was relationships, for both of us. Dave is one of my biggest regrets. To think I stayed in one relationship, and gave up the thought of having one with Dave, to be heartbroken in the end. What an idiot I was. And I know there is a part of me that will always love him. That will always swoon when I see him or hear his voice or hear him tell some crazy story. That every time we talk on the phone, it will be a little strange. Like there is something one of us wants to say to the other. The feeling is what's called sexual tension. If I know one thing, it is that.

I know we will see each other again soon. It's been 7 years seen we've laid eyes on each other. That is way too long. I can't wait to see my friend again. It will be sweet.

33

Happy Birthday, love of my life.

Sweating is fun!

Monday morning, I joined the Moline YMCA. I used to belong there, many years ago, and it has changed dramatically. The Moline Y is three floors of working out nirvana, complete with a Wellness Center (huge room with LOTS of cardio equipment and weight training), a walking track, a jogging track, 4 racquetball courts, 1 Olympic-sized swimming pool and a smaller "warm" pool, and classes beyond the imagination, those which include pilates, yoga (acid yogurt, Kev?), cycling (can't call it Spinning, as it's trademarked), aerobics, aquatics classes, and much more. This morning I attended my first "Body Sculpt" class, an hour of burning calories and building muscle tone. I was one in a sea of 25 women, all listening to this really horrible dance mix tape of 70's songs like "Saturday Night", "I think I love you", and "Car Wash", among many others. Claudia, our nice albeit socially-inept instructor (why is she teaching??) led us through an hour of intense work for our arms, legs and abs. Here is what I've gleaned from my workouts so far...

-After two years of pilates training at home, my abs, or "core" as they call it now, is fucking rock hard. I pretty much rock at all the ab work.
-My lower and upper extremities are not rock hard. Quite frankly, I'm pretty weak there. Damn pilates!
-4 pound weights are too light for some things. 8 are just right.
-Don't sit next to the really fat lady who can't sit Indian style. She grunts the whole workout and looks really depressed.
-Elliptical machines are awesome. I used these at the gym I belonged to in Cincinnati. As I get older, my knees begin to hurt. These machines take all the pressure off the joints.
-My digestive system has never felt better.
-I haven't slept this good in weeks.
-I can eat more!
-I love my MP3 player. AC/DC's Back in Black is a great song to workout to. So are the B 52's.
-Cardio theatre's kick ass. Now I can watch Mythbusters AND Cash Cab while I workout. Woot!

Why did I wait so long to join?? Who knows. It is definitely worth the $36 dollars a month, which is only one hour of teaching. And I don't feel weird working out there. In Cincinnati, the gym I belonged to was filled with meathead jocks and women who had showered, done their hair and their makeup before coming to the gym. Blech. At the Y, it's everyday people, all trying to accomplish something. Staying/getting fit, losing weight, making friends, feeling good about themselves. All with either a middle that's too big, back fat they're trying to rid of, or something of the like. That's what I like. The camaraderie. The sense of all of us together, working toward a goal.

There is one thing... I look alright naked. No, I'm not being an asshole when I say that. Sure, there are things about my naked body I wouldn't mind changing. A little more meat on my ass. A little less meat on my thighs (damn Irish genes). But all in all, I feel pretty good being naked. However... I would NEVER feel comfortable walking around nude in a women's locker room. EVER. I'm not being a prude. It's JUST WEIRD. That's all I'm saying. Maybe it's a generational thing. Because all the ladies that were in the locker room naked today were over the age of 70 (um, gross?). I think it's great that they are comfortable enough to do that, as I said, I'm not. But have the decency to realize that some people are uncomfortable with your being comfortable. Cover yourselves up, for christ's sake!

Drunk History

Funny shit. Featuring the brilliant Michael Cera from Superbad and Juno (which is the best movie I've seen in the last year. Go see it).

Week in Review

Lovely week, honestly. Getting back to teaching was welcome, as sitting around for two weeks doing nothing was getting to be quite boring. My students were all happy to see me, and I started three new ones just this past week! Go me. I start two more new ones this coming week. I am excited to get to meet them and start working.

Thursday night was the reading of Take Me Out at the River Music Experience downtown Davenport. My seven guys were on fire, totally awesome and looked really hot in their black shirts and jeans. Yowza. It was a small-ish crowd of maybe 20-30 people. While I like and admire the AD of New Ground Theatre, publicizing her events is not one of her strong suits. Ah well, I didn't care much, as I could tell the guys were having a great time on stage, and the audience was enjoying it as well. After the show, we all headed over to the Blue Cat for some grub and beers.

After many years of waiting, Rob and I finally made it back over to Jim's Rib Haven in downtown Rock Island. It was well worth the wait for those back ribs, fries and baked beans. If you're ever in town for a visit, ask us to take you. It is an experience like no other.

Saturday, I started my Musical Theatre class with New Ground. What was supposed to be 12 kids turned out to be 16! Holy crap! They are great kids, all between the ages of 9 and 15. For 8 weeks, they'll learn how to sing and act on stage while learning a song from Wicked. I could tell they really enjoyed the song choice, and I look forward to seeing them all again next weekend!

Last night, Rob and I headed over to Music Guild to watch one of my students compete in the Miss Rock River Valley Outstanding Teen pageant (that's a mouth full). 14 young ladies competed for 4 different titles. Out of the 14, only about 5 girls sang. Sydney, my student, played the piano, and totally rocked it. All those other girls desperately needed a vocal coach! Sydney ended up placing as 1st runner up, which made her mom happy. She said "She didn't win, but she didn't lose". Quite true. Afterward, we met Bryan, D and Sheri down at Copia for some adult beverages, then adjourned over to the Blue Cat to meet all the Green Room folks for more adult beverages and good conversation. It's so nice to have a group of pals. We actually have a social life again!

Next week, looking forward to joining the Y (part of that taking care of myself physically resolution), starting those new students, and dinner with Abbey and Anya again. More later...

Being Aware

In Stephen Sondheim's Company, there is a beautifully written song called "Being Alive". It ends the show as Bobby, the lead character, realizes his life up to this point has all been for nothing, and he begins to understand who and what he is. He realizes he doesn't want to be a womanizing commitment-phobe for the rest of his life, and tells the audience he is ready to live his life without fear of allowing himself to feel.

I hemmed and hawed the last few days, on whether or not I wanted to post something this...close to me. But I remembered something my pal Thurm put on his blog, and that was that he writes on his blog for himself, not for others. I know every single soul who reads this blog. Yes, Anonymous poster still reads my blog. Anonymous poster checks my blog every day. Why, I am unsure, considering the contempt they hold for me. That doesn't matter to me. My blog took the place of a written journal many moons ago. Because I can share it with people allows me to, like Bobby, live my life without fear of feeling. In my 30 years, I've begun to realize that sharing yourself with others is what makes you strong, not hiding who you are.

Since October, I've been seeing a therapist. Life coach. Whatever you want to call her. I'm open. Anyway, she is a wonderfully grounded woman who has taught me to see my life through visual imaging. By picturing things in your mind, and allowing yourself to feel your feelings while doing so, you can let go. It may sound a little new-agey to you, but I'm telling you, it works. For instance, I have two horrible memories of something my father's second wife (my siblings mother) did to me when I was very young. No, it was nothing physical, so don't go thinking that. But she was not very accepting of me, her husbands daughter from his first marriage. She never understood me, and for that, I pity her. But as a child, if not given the kind of love and understanding so desperately needed, a child begins to think they are unlovable. While in session, my therapist helped me to rid of both those memories. She helped me to go to that dark place that I was keeping all of those ugly things, and to set them free.

In sessions, I started to have a deeper understanding of who I am. What kind of parents I had, where I've come from. I've learned to accept the past for what it is. You may think that is easy, but it surely hasn't been. It took me this long to get my head on straight. Many of you know, but some of you don't, that Rob and I nearly broke up our marriage twice. Both times, it was because of me. For so long, I pushed his love for me away because deep down, I believed I was unworthy of it. For me, loving him is allowing him to love me. Sounds strange, I know, but if you think about, it makes perfect sense.

Being aware is like nothing I've ever felt. For most of my life, I walked around in a haze of confusion. I always felt like I was waiting for something to happen. I was always wanting more, always wanting to understand myself better. I've said it a hundred times, but I'll say it again. When you're finally ready to dig deep, to uncover all the ugliness inside of you, that is when you will truly begin to understand who you are. I know dealing with all the shit that happened in my childhood is why I am where I am right now. My father's absence from my life. My wicked stepmother (the first one, anyway. The second is a doll). My mother and stepfathers struggles to raise two children of broken marriages. As soon as I realized the kind of burden carrying all this crap was, and what it was doing to me, setting it down was all I could do. And then walking away.

Sure, there are still things I deal with on a daily basis. My father is still absent from my life. There is a part of me that realizes this might never change. That while I am equipped to deal with what his absence has done to my life, he may not be. That is the reality of the situation, and I am okay with that. I don't know what the future will bring. When Rob and I have a child, will this change? I don't know. But I've learned not to expect change. Only to accept. That is a big step for me.

So, as Bobby says, someone has made me aware of being alive. With the help of fabulous woman, all along, it was me.

D!!!!!!!!

Happy Birfday, D!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Week in Review

Again let me say Happy New Year to all my friends and readers. Our last week of vacation has been quite an eventful one. We spent the New Year holiday with the Prenzies, ate out way too much, and spent a lovely afternoon with Abbey and Anya.

In addition, I got two phone calls this week, asking me to perform in various things in the next coming months. First, Rob and I have been asked by the Development Director of WQPT (our local PBS tv station) to perform in their annual fundraising gala called Champagne on the Rocks at the end of January. I am greatly looking foward to it, as it's a great way to network and meet new people (i.e. donors??) for the theatre company, as well as get to perform again! Plus it's at the ritzy Outing Club (zatzie country club) in Davenport. Who wouldn't want to?

Also got a call from my pal Bryan, who's just recently finished writing a musical. It will get a concert staging at The Green Room Theatre at the beginning of March, and Bryan asked me to take on the role of the "belty free-spirit". I of course said yes!! I sounds like it will be a great time, and another chance for me to start performing in the QC.

Last night was the annual Prenzie Players Twelfth Night Fundraising Gala. Rob and I were so excited to attend and support our friends. Included was a spread of amazing food and drink, a silent auction, live music, and two live-action scenes played out by the Prenzies. The first was an adorable scene from the upcoming Taming of the Shrew, and the second, an awesome swordfight from Romeo and Juliet, where Aaron and D did some awesome combat.


Jake playing his didgeridoo



The folk milling about the room


Jake, Mags and some random dude with a camera (I think it's Matt Moody's kid)


Rob and D


Rob and I


Toward the end of the evening, the Prenzies sang a beautiful rendition of Dona Nobis Pacem, in full-part harmony, that is still running through my head.


We stayed late into the night, probably the last to go that wasn't an actual company member, at 12:30am. The party was to end at 11. Ah well, we had such a great time. I was able to hob-nob with other actors, got to meet Tyson Danner of The Green Room Theatre (finally!), as well as Mike Schultz, the theatre critic for the River Cities Reader. The Prenzies made out pretty well last night, getting away with $60 of our money, and LOTS of donations from the rest of the crowd. We enjoy being with those guys so much. What a great crowd!

Coming up in the next week, I'm directing the staged reading of Take Me Out for New Ground Theatre, and Sunday I'm having all 7 guys (90% of them Prenzies) over to the house for dinner and the read-through. Am excited to get to work with them all. And of course, back to teaching next week, which I'm ready for. This many weeks off can make a person go nuts.

2008

It started out with a bang. We were able to spend an evening with some great friends, Aaron and Jill, and the rest of the Prenzies. It was a low-key affair, sitting around on couches in the basement, feasting on baklava and meatballs, and chatting late into the night. Some highlights of the party were Jake dropping an entire cheesecake down the basement stairs, turning dates into "Dacon", Jeff's "Cheese Crotch", JC's "Year of Cheering" and at midnight, dropping the cheesecake onto the basement floor. We didn't have a giant ball topped with lights. We stayed until I could barely keep my eyes open at 1:30am. It was our first New Years in a long time that we spent with a group of friends rather than just ourselves. We had a supreme blast.

Yesterday, Rob and I had been invited to spend the afternoon with Abbey and Anya, this divine lesbian couple who brings their son Oliver to my Kindermusik class. They have a wonderful story and an amazing relationship together. We arrived at their fantastic house in the Broadway district of Rock Island, and Rob was immediately fallen in love with by the two women. Oliver, who is nearing 14 months, was such a flirt and happy to see us. Within the half hour, Rebecca and Brian showed up with their twins, Logan and Olivia (also in my Kindermusik class). We spent a few hours chatting, playing with the kids, and snacking on cheese and crackers. Abbey makes a mean cup of coffee.

Oliver and mama, Anya



Rob and Logan, watching the birds and squirrels on the birdfeeder



Rob and the twins



Oliver and Logan


By 5pm, all the kids were getting tired, and Oliver was ready for bed. We said a reluctant goodbye, as Rob and I felt a great connection to Abbey and Anya. When we returned home, we had a lovely message from Anya, saying how much they loved Rob and how they think he's going to make a great Dad someday, and how much they enjoy having us as their friends. See? I'm already cultivating a new friendship. What a great couple!