Weekly Update

To be quite honest, it's been a helluva week. Even with three days off in a row, I'm still exhausted. Beyond exhausted. Funny. The last two weeks, I've been sleeping so hard. When I awake the next morning, I'm usually in another dimension. Plus I've been having dreams. Not like the ones I was having back in September. These are much more chaotic. I dreamt a few nights ago that my stepfather died. And all I could think of was my mother, how anguished she must feel. And I've had numerous dreams about my nephew, Enzo. Nothing tragic ever happens to him, but he's there. Last night, I dreamt I was back in the 3rd grade, and was given the grade of "C" on a paper that I was so proud of, because it was written from my own opinions. I felt so dire, so ashamed. And again, my mother was there, trying to fight my teacher on the "C" grade. I cried, because there I was, 9 years old, given a "C" because the teacher didn't agree with my ideas.

Of course I know why I dreamt of each of these things. Seriously you're reading the Queen of Dream Analysis' blog here. My mother has been having some knee problems the past few weeks. She finally went to see the doctor last week, and was told she will need surgery. It's funny, the way I felt when she told me. When I was young, I remember my mother falling down the basement stairs. I was so frightened. In my young mind, I believed she was going to die from the fall. Looking back, I'm sure she was sore, but no real damage was done. Emotionally, I was so scared I would lose her. I had "lost" my father, hadn't I? How could a four-year-old not believe she would lose her mother, too? When Mom told me she was having surgery, it brought back such feelings of fear and loss I couldn't explain. While I know she will be okay after a few days/weeks of rest, the four-year-old inside is still frightened for her.

As far as dreaming of my nephew, I'm so distraught. Not having seen him in 14 months, he has no idea who we, Rob and I, are. Now that I'm getting older and realizing how important my family is to me, it saddens me that I haven't been able to see him grow up. Seeing him in my dreams is the only way I get to experience his youth.

The dream of the 3rd grade is simple- I've been feeling so hopelessly homesick and a little depressed lately. (For those of you reading this, I'm okay... just let me vent for a moment, kay?) I really hate this place. The dampness, the rain, the clouds. The idiots who call this place home. It's a little too hillbilly/hippie for my tastes. I miss people being nice to each other. I miss my family. My friends. I hate not knowing anyone here. My saving grace has been Rob. We've been so good lately, so close and in tune with each other. The move here, I am grateful for one thing and that is that I realize I am truly in love with my husband. He supports and loves me. He takes care of me when I'm sad and celebrates with me when I'm happy. His love cradles and warms me, and I was a fool to, even for a moment, think of throwing that away. I'm so happy I've taken this journey of self-discovery the past few months. Without it, I almost lost him.

With that said, I guess I enjoyed my few days off. Friday Rob and I spent the day together, window-shopping and buying xmas gifts. We ended the night at Hana, our new favorite sushi bar. Saturday was my spa day- facial and pedi- so divine. We splurged at Pachanga for dinner- mexican food. Double divine.

I'm getting skinny! Pilates and sticking to the Weight Watchers plan has been paying off. Rob has lost over 10 pounds, and my sexy pants fit again. I will not complain.

We put up our Xmas lights last night. I know, I know, it's not even Thanksgiving yet, but we needed a little happiness to brighten our homesick moods.

Other than that, nothing new to report. You Cincinnati people, I miss you desperately (Chuck, I'm IM-ing you right now!) and cannot wait to see you in December. QC people, I miss you even more. Also can't wait to see you in December.

Ciao lovelies.