Feelin' Alright

Yes, it's true. I'm not sad anymore. I'm just not. Sure, I am irritated. Irritated with lousy customer service, bad Mexican food, people smoking up in their cars and eating a salad (from a bowl, mind you) while driving. But with the coming of May 1, something was different. Seeing May 1 on my calendar was like a vision of complete and utter serenity. In one month, we'll be in the Nati, then home for a week. Once we return to CA on June 18, we only have 5 more weeks here. It seems surreal, that it's this close. I am very happy it's May 2- just one day closer!

I know I keep going on and on and obsessing about the whole getting fit and eating right thing, but really, it's true. Yesterday, it rained. I do my cardio/pilates every other day. On the other days, I walk, then do 20 minutes of pilates when I return from walking. But as I said, yesterday it rained. So I didn't get to walk. And why can't I do cardio two days in a row, you ask? My nearly 30 year old knees and lower back can't stand it two days in a row, that's why. So I sat at the computer all day yesterday playing some game on Pogo.com because I didn't know what else to do. Then I noticed it last night. I was bitchy, irritable, felt disgusting. Same today. During school today, I was exhausted, couldn't keep my eyes open and so out of it. I realized that I hadn't worked out in two days! Jesus Christ, no wonder I felt awful. So I did the cardio today, and right after, I felt like a million damn dollars. Relaxed, cleansed, happy, sweaty, release. It was beautiful. I guess I am the poster child for getting in your exercise every day. Of course, I hate doing it. Don't we all? But the benefits far outweigh 30-45 minutes of sweat anyday: health, strength, sleep, and a fantastic body. The only thing I dislike? I'm losing the boob. Yep, when you start to lose fat, you lose it everywhere. It's okay, though. A small price to pay for being fit and looking hot.

The other thing about losing weight that is hard? Not eating the foods you love in giant portions. Yes, I'll admit it, I love to eat. I am an eater, or the technical term, a "foodie". I'll take a block of stilton and pears with a busty Cabernet anyday over Cheetos and beer (unless it's Rolling Rock, then we can talk). Cooking is a great passion of mine- now all I need is a functional kitchen, not in an apartment! I love food, and my weakness when I'm eating healthy? Potato Chips. Ah Jesus I love those f***ers. When I lived with Lesley, I could sit on the couch and eat an entire bag for dinner. Ah those where the days, when I was 22 and could eat anything and not be added to my thighs. Salty, greasy, lick your fingers amazingness. And those baked ones don't do the trick. It's gotta be Lay's Original in the yellow bag. You know what I'm talking about...

Here is a little something I wrote recently about my weight loss. Enjoy.


I watch myself grow thin.
Parts of my body are slowly disappearing.
In the emptiness where there were cheesecake,
chocolate, caramel,
becomes full.
Full of an appreciation for my own body.
I see myself in the mirror, shrinking
while I dream of peanut butter, slow melting
mingled with the sweetness of cinnamon sugar.
One taste of cookie dough ice cream.
Backwards spoon on my tongue to savor each
moment of rich and creamy. I become one with
a bag of potato chips: salty, crunchy goodness
that lingers on the fingertip.
Macaroni and cheese, eggplant parmesan,
soda are a thing of the past. But now,
there is a waist. Legs underneath that
short dress I long to wear in public.
And why?
Cheesecake will become walking.
Cheese becomes a clear complexion.
Chocolate becomes the fading darkness in my eyes.
What will I become when the food and the weight are gone?