Wednesday, January 31, 2007

The Hypothetical....

So let's say he gets the job at Augie... this is something I've been struggling with for a few weeks, now. Moving home after being away for five years... it's strange. Will people there be in the same place they were when I left them? Because I know I've grown tremendously since 2002. Has everyone else? And it's kind of scary, the thought of having a dream come true. Does anyone know what happens when a dream comes true? That isn't something you see in the movies. They get their wish and then the movie ends. What comes next? What happens in real life?

Part of me just wants all of this to be over. I just want to know where we'll be in six months. I don't know how many of you have ever had to do this, this waiting on fate. It's very stressful, and not easily lived-with. I'm so tired of waiting, wondering where my life will be in six months. I can't plan, I can't apply for schools, I can't do much of anything. And it really sucks.

On a lighter note, picked up my latest role today. Enjoy.

My gorgeous friend Chuck... purrrrrrr.


Look at that bigass smile?! Love m'girl.


Tide pools at Indian Beach, Trinidad, CA.


At Samoa Dunes, Eureka, CA.

Monday, January 29, 2007

Week in Review

I'm usually pretty good at keeping this place updated, however, with my illness, I was too weak to do anything, let alone post on the blog. Rob and I were even entertaining the thought that I might have mono, but Saturday, I was feeling a little better. I went back to work today, which was good after being off for the week. I was tired of being on the couch, tired of watching awful television, and tired of being tired!

Since I didn't have much of a chance to get anything done while under the weather, there isn't too much new to report. Most of you know Rob flies out Thursday to the QC for an on-campus interview at Augustana! We are thrilled and excited for this opportunity. Who knows... we just might get everything we've always wanted... Send Rob your good vibes on Friday while he spends the day with the committee! YAY!!!!!!

Thursday, January 25, 2007

The Humboldt Ick



With my last day at Kidsclub last Thursday, I had planned plenty of great things to occupy my afternoons, such as taking photos, writing, applying for grad school. One of those on my list, however, was not contracting the flu, which I started showing symptoms of on Monday night.

Fever, chills, aches and pains, an ENORMOUS headache and a runny nose pretty much knocked me on my ass the past two days. I woke this morning, attempting to head to work after spending all day yesterday on the sofa, and nearly passed out in the shower. Needless to say, I went back to bed. When I awoke at noon, I still felt a bit tired, but was well enough to head to the doctors office for an already scheduled appointment I had made weeks ago for new asthma/allergy meds.

Am feeling pretty good, despite being tired and still a little stuffy accompanied with a runny nose. The thing that really pisses me off is that this is the 4th time I've been sick since AUGUST. What is wrong with this place that people get sick four times in 6 months? It's what the locals call The Humboldt Ick. I'm not sure exactly what that entails, but needless to say, I've had enough of Humboldt anything to last me a lifetime.

Monday, January 22, 2007

Week in Review

After having a few days off together, Rob had to go back to work. He was quite bored with sitting at home and was happy to return even though he'd rather be returning at a school that appreciates him.

We both had MLK day off- when you work in the school system, you get all the choice days- and spent some time up at Indian Beach and Trinidad Bay. If you have seen the movie The Majestic with Jim Carrey, Indian Beach is where he wakes up after having nearly drown when his car plummets off a bridge. It was a beautiful sunny day, and we had a lovely stroll while I took some shots with my SLR.

Indian Beach

Thursday was Rob's phone interview with Augustana. He said he "hit a home-run" and felt confident with the discussion he had with the committee. If they were impressed with him, the next step is an on-campus interview. We are still keeping our fingers crossed.
Thursday was also my last day at Kidsclub. It was a bittersweet time, seeing all the kids and Kristin. I treated the kids to Improv Games (one of their favorite activities) and spent some quality time with the kids I knew I'd really miss. I know I will miss them all terribly, but I also have to take care of myself. I promised to visit, which I'm sure I will, as I won't be able to stay away for too long. Here are some shots from the last day.

Hailie and me making funny faces


My kids...

The weekend was a bit lazy, hanging around the house and watching TV. Yet another reason to get out of this place... I'm so exhausted with watching TV- there is nothing else to do here!

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Sushi Celebration

Rob turned 32 today. We did celebrate on Saturday with the ever-delicious Sizzler, but Rob got a pretty sweet birthday present in the form of a phone call. Jon Hurty from Augustana College called this afternoon and asked Rob for a telephone interview. The big day is this coming Thursday, 8am California time. Please be sending him good vibes!

In honor of Rob's big day, we decided to head to our favorite sushi place in town, Restaurant Hana. With both fine service and excellent nigiri and futo-maki, we enjoyed our mini-feast.


The feast


Enjoying my smoked salmon roll

Saturday, January 13, 2007

Week in Review

Well, as most of you know, I gave my notice at Kidsclub on Monday. This coming Thursday will be my last day. While I will miss Kristin and the children, I'm quite happy to have my life back.

And some of you may also know that Rob had a phone interview with UW-Green Bay on Monday. On Tuesday morning, they called back and asked him to come for an on-campus interview. He is one of three candidates up for the position. Green Bay would be ideal, as it's about 5 hours from home, and within a few hours of both Milwaukee and Madison as well as beautiful Door County. Plus, it's an actual city! With real restaurants! And a Home Depot! Also, it's rated #1 in cities to open/start a business. Hopefully, that would bode well for me trying to get my own theatre company off the ground. And, the best part, there is actual change of seasons. The changing of leaves... snow... and summertime fun. Sounds good to me.

Tuesday is Rob's 32nd birthday. Tonight I am taking him out to eat... to the Sizzler. Yes, ladies and gents, I am a real big spender. However, every spare dime we have right now is being put toward paying off our debt. We decided to be more fiscally responsible this year, seeing as we'd like to buy a house soon... and have a baby. Being adults with our money is a good step.

My previous photo project was for Christmas. I picked up every used frame I could find at local thrift stores, refinished and painted them with black glossy paint. I then matted them with both white or black beveled mats, and framed my own b&w photos for family and loved ones. My next project is taking close-up shots of food for our kitchen (that we have someday). I took this stellar close-up of a crab on Fishermans Wharf during our visit to the City.

When the farmer's market gets going again in April, I'm going to have a field day! Plus, while we were visiting my Dad in Texas, he gave me his old Pentax SLR, complete with flash, camera bag and a sweet tele-photo lens. I now have two Pentax cameras to shoot with- I'm so jazzed! The new camera is now at Swanlunds, getting cleaned and looked over by the tech. professionals. I can't wait to get it back!

Here are some recent photos I took over the holiday. I picked up my roll of black and whites, and scanned them for your viewing pleasure.

Kal and Wade's beautiful girl, Alexa.


The amazing Marin Headlands, San Francisco


Rob and the stunning Golden Gate

Monday, January 08, 2007

Legacy


I love this photo. No, I did not take this photo. In fact, I'm not sure who took it. But if you look close enough, you can see my own legacy forming. Brewing, at work, deep within the heart of a woman you would never think twice about. That's her, all the way on the right-hand side, eating a banana. Her name was Pauline Scranton Bedford, and she was my grandmother.

I don't know much about her younger days. I can't imagine her life in 1942, which is, I assume, the year this photo was taken. Look closely at the license plate and you will see. I know her and my grandfather married in July of 1940, two young kids madly in love. She was working as a nurse in those days. I like to imagine her a bit like me, someone who loved her husband, loved her life, loved her family and friends to no end. I don't know the other three people in the photo. I'd like to think they were people who meant the world to her.

The woman I knew was just "Gramma". The one who took care of me one summer afternoon when I had the flu and puked all over her feet and kitchen floor. She was the one who made the grandest chicken and noodles. She was a hard-core liberal who, in her last days, hallucinated that republicans were running through her hospital room. I know I inherited those long legs from her. Her hazel eyes. Her extreme loathing of conservatives. She was a wonderful lady, who I wish I had the chance of really knowing as a person, not just as my paternal grandmother.

She died in the winter of 2000. I remember it vividly. I remember what happened that week. She passed, then I got the flu two days later, and a week after that, I was in a car accident. They always happen in threes, right? My grandfather, Harold, lived for another 2 1/2 years, until he passed away in late July of 2002. After he passed, I sat with my Dad and Cathy in Harold and Pauline's house in Rock Island, going through old boxes of clothes, knick knacks, stuff. We found a box of pictures on the top shelf of her closet. Inside were thousands of pictures she had saved. Among them, was this. She had also saved baby pictures of all her grandkids (all 7 of us), her own kids, pictures they had taken, she had taken. She had even saved a family photo of me, my Mom and my dad before the divorce. I took a pile and, of course, still have them in my own picture box.

Over the two and a half week break, I thought much about my life. I am going to be 30 in less than a year. Had I become so cynical, bitter, jaded about life that I was just going to let my youth pass me by? When I was younger, I used to believe that everything was pre-destined. That fate had it's hands over all, controlling each and every decision we make. I was happy to let things come to me, to tempt fate, to wait for all good to release itself into my existence. And, as fate would have it, that didn't happen. My open, eager, young heart waited for things to happen to me, when I should have been happening to things. It isn't destiny, or fate, or written in the stars. It is up to us to make things happen. Our indecision is what frustrates us the most, not waiting for good things to befall us. Why couldn't I see this before? I knew I had to allow my journey on this road wind until I realized it myself: I am in charge of me. I have the power.

In the autumn, if you recall, I had a run-in with my own Divine Feminine. She spoke to me, telling me that something was waiting... I just needed to climb out of the spider-web, feed my inner-female, and it would appear. I waited. And waited. And wondered if she would ever appear again. She finally made an appearance over our trip home. She told me that I am ready, and to make a choice. It might feel scary, or too soon, but it isn't. She told me to trust myself. And I did.

I look at this photo of Gramma and I wonder what her inner-female said to her. What kind of life did she have? What kind of life did she want to have? How did her children see her? Know her? What kind of lessons could she give me? What was her legacy?

I made the decision that I didn't want to question myself anymore. I made a list of things I wanted to do. You saw most of them in my Year in Review post. And I realized I didn't want to be a Gramma whose grandchildren didn't know as a woman. For me, that meant getting rid of all the shit that bogs me down. That, in particular, was Kidsclub. While I love Kristin, and the children, I realized to be able to accomplish certain things, I will need time. Quite frankly, I think I can live without the extra $300 dollars a month to be able to have a quality of life I am comfortable with.

While you may see it as a small, part-time job, to me, it's what it signifies. I made a choice to take back my life. I gave myself the power to allow my own creativity to flow, and that feels wonderful.

So friends, I hereby declare today, January 8th, to be "Take Back your Life Day". It will go down in the annals of history as the day all women (and men) should make choices that allow themselves to feel strong, independant and powerful.

And I have to say, yes, I am scared to death.

I am also deliciously thrilled.

Saturday, January 06, 2007

Wet Dog Blog

So upon picking up Pup on Tuesday, the girl seemed to be about 10 pounds thinner, hyper-activity out the yang and injuries in plethora. Being the social eater she has been since we acquired her at 7 weeks, we suspect she didn't eat much while we were away. They must have kept her in a run for the entire two weeks without any social interaction with people, let alone other dogs, which is why she was so hyper. And she came home with a bloody scrape on the top of her nose (which if you look close, you can see but has since healed), and two chew spots on both front paws. Rob thinks I'm over-reacting, but this is the last time I take my girl to that place. It's always strange, bringing her home from the kennel. She will sleep for HOURS upon her return home. She will also both poop AND pee on her walks (for most dog owners, you will understand how incredible that is). Rob likes to call it the Play-Dough Barbershop effect. Meaning, of course, poop just keeps on coming out, much like the disgusting heads you could buy as children and "cut and style hair" like a real barber while Play-Dough comes squirting out... I'm sure you get the picture. To celebrate her return home, Maddy had a bath today. What a sweetie.

Wet Dog

Clean, happy, dry and ready for a walk

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Year in Review

Well, it's finally here. The year I turn 30. While the big event won't happen for another 10 months or so, I've been feeling quite contemplative, and wanted to expound a bit about how I felt about 2006.

Things I accomplished/good things about 2006
~ Starred in one of my favorite musicals of all-time in the most amazing of vocal roles, Florence Vassy in Chess
~ Made many new friends who I love deeply; Chuck, Charlie, B, Jason, Matt, Sarah E, Kels
~ Came to terms with who/what I am; going to back to therapy and making that choice for myself was one of the most thrilling and eye-opening experiences of my adult life. I wasn't afraid to find out the really awful shit about myself, and that, my friends, takes guts
~ Finally realized what I want to do with my life; getting my MFA in Directing
~ Deeply cultivating some of my great passions; photography, writing, knowing my husband on a deeper level
~ Being ready to have a baby; after my therapy sessions, I became more comfortable with myself and open to emotional experiences I hadn't been ready for before
~ Stepping outside of my comfort zone and moving to the ends of the Earth (Eureka, California) so Rob could have his first real college teaching job

Goals for 2007
~ Get into an MFA program
~ Get out of Eureka, CA
~ Continue my work as a photographer/writer and eventually publish
~ Save $$ to eventually buy a house
~ Take a vacation; it's been close to 5 years since we've had a REAL one
~ Get back on stage
~ Keep researching and working towards my ultimate dream- my own theatre company
~ Keep in contact with people I love
~ Continue pilates/healthy eating, and take a yoga class; the past few months I've yo-yo'ed in my weight- this year I'm taking off those last 10 pounds and keeping them off
~ Quit Kidsclub (which I'm doing next week)
~ Take care of myself physically, mentally and emotionally

I think those are reasonable goals to attain, don't you?

Cheers.

(New Years Eve, 2006, Hurricane Kates)