Weekend from Hell

Everyone is entitled to their opinion. And because this is MY blog, I will say what I damn well please. I may run the risk of pissing someone off, but I'll take that chance. I'm not the type of girl to let my emotions eat me alive. If I've learned one thing in therapy, it's to not let that stuff overcome you. You must allow it to come up so you can deal with it. I spent most of my adult life pushing things away emotionally, and it really fucked me up. No more.

I have an ego. Sure. I'm an actor and a singer. It would be silly to think that I don't have one. But I also can concede that, if I don't get a role, it was because someone was better than I, or was better for a role than I was. I have no problems in admitting that. But, here is the thing. The person they chose was not better than me. Eva Peron has to "belt to Jesus", as Derek would say. In musical theatre land, belting to Jesus is equivalent to belting an E. Quite honestly, when it came down to it, I was the only one whose higher register could handle those freakishly high notes without sounding A. like an opera singer trying to sing musical theatre or B. totally screaming and forcing the poor larynx to do things it's incapable of doing.

The thing that really infuriates me is that the person they chose for Eva is the directors wife. Um, nepotism anyone? And how does someone accept that? I know in a day or so, I'll be fine with it. But honestly, how does one do that? This is the reason I fucking hate community theatre. All the politics. This is one reason I miss Cincinnati theatre so much. When I auditioned in Cincinnati, I got a role because I was either the best for the role, or I earned it. I was lucky that, the first show I auditioned for (Side Show with New Stage Collective) in Cincinnati, I was cast as the lead, which opened many doors for me in town with other companies. I'm not saying that I don't want to work for roles in this community. But I will say it's one of the big reasons I've started my own company. So I don't have to think about all the politics and "it's all in who you know". The organization putting on the show has been known, for the 50 years it's been producing shows, to be this kind of organization. If nepotism, politics and pettiness is the way they would like to run it, by all means. I think they tend to alienate many of the most talented people in the QC because of their tactics. It's why The Green Room Theatre gets great actors for their productions. My pal Derek (who runs the Green Room with Tyson) said last night that sometimes, he feels lucky that he gets the "left-overs", because more oft than not it's the most talented people in the area, who've been booma-shammed by the other theatre. I hope the same goes for my company. Left-overs are often much better the next day.

That being said, I'm honestly sort of relieved. I really didn't want to put my life on hold for 6 months. With this twist of fate, Rob and I can still pro-create. I won't have to worry how I'm going to schedule my rehearsals around a crazy Evita schedule. And the best part, I can audition for Lynette "Squeaky" Fromme in Assassins with The Green Room. It's a much less time commitment than Evita would have been... and a better show. I'd rather do Sondheim than Webber any day.

Last night, the boys helped me drown my sorrows in a Whitey's Oreo Malt. We saw this lovely monstrosity in line.



The boys, enjoying Whitey's


My boys again. From Left to Right- Bryan, Derek, Tyson and Dana



It's been a day since I've found out. I worked off most of my frustation (and Whitey's Malt) at the gym this morning. Now that I've written this blog, I already feel better. And if I pissed you off (either for or against my opinion)... heh.

Week in Review

Spring Break is almost here! I can't wait. Although my Spring Break is only three days long. That's okay. Rob and I are headed to Dubuque and Galena for a few days. We're going to see my pal Megan, visit Clarke (it's been 6 years since I've been back!), shop, snuggle, and generally relax.




Yesterday I auditioned for Evita, which will go up in August. I was called-back for Eva, which is today at 4. I was given 5 songs to learn i.e. Belt. They weren't too difficult, but holy crow does Evita have to wail! I've been instructed by my pal Derek to "Belt to Jesus!" at the callback today. Now that I'm not sick, it will be a pleasure. Will keep you all updated as to what happens.

Of course, if I get the role, baby-making will go on hold until the show is over. That is a terribly demanding role for a non-pregnant woman... can you imagine?! So, really this is a win/win for me. If I get the role, great! If I don't, then we can still make babies, which is just as important. Plus then I'd get to audition for Green Room's Assasins, which goes up in August as well. I could definately get away with playing a preggers Squeaky Fromme.

Last night Rob played with the Augustana Symphony and totally rocked it. I've never, in our 8 years together, seen him play something so demanding and BIG (Mozart Piano Concerto in D minor). It was really quite a sight. We joined Rob's folks and aunt at VI afterward for pie, then home to crash, as he was exhausted.

Auditions for our company are coming up very soon! I can't believe how close it is, only 3 more weeks! Agh!

Nostalgia

With Spring on the horizon, it makes me long for days past. Since moving home, I have vivid memories of what I would do during the Spring. It's been so cold here these past weeks, and I am ready for May. You know what I'm talking about. Warm breezes. Where you can wear shorts or jeans, short or long-sleeves, and be comfortable.

I don't have a sense of smell. It's true. I know some of you know that. It saddens many, thinking that I can't remember things by their scent. I don't know what my grandmas house smells like. I don't know what baking cookies smells like. Or trees. Or flowers. I think this may be why I have such a vivid memory of certain parts of my life. I remember in the way things look. Or feel. Or taste. I have a great memory of sitting on the porch with my pal Lesley in the spring, watching the cars go by and eating Cheetos. They tasted so orange. And memories of the Fine Arts Picnics that MHS had at Riverside Park. Playing volleyball with Jeff, Gregg Lewis, Les, Bubby. I remember the way the grass felt under my feet. First love at the cemetary with "D" (I'm not telling his name!).



I wonder how many times I've loved someone. I don't include family in that. Spring is always the time for falling in love. It seems everything blooms then, so why not romance? How many relationships start in the Spring? Countless. Is it something in the air? The way the breeze blows. That was always it for me.

Week in Review

I spent most the week on the couch. Watching TV, movies, Supernatural Season One. The sadness of being ill washed over me. I felt inhuman.

Most unlike me, I had a sore throat from Monday until Friday, when I finally started to get some relief. However, this virus has left me pretty raw and inflamed in my cords. I finally got out of the house on Friday, when Rob and I had lunch with Abbey, Anya and Oliver, then dinner with my parents. Saturday I attempted to teach my musical theatre class. Energy-wise, I was a bit down, but vocally, I was fried. I paid for it yesterday, when my body staged an upheaval, and I was quarantined to the bed/couch most the day.

Today, I am at about 85%. I've been taking some Sudafed, drinking a TON of water, and doing my vocal function exercises. The ladies are still a bit swollen, but at least I can speak today.



Over the course of the week, I watched a lot of TV. And movies. One of my all-time faves is Hedwig and the Angry Inch. Rob and I first saw this when it came out 6-7 years ago, the story of a transexual punk rock girl from East Berlin, who tours with her rock band, playing at TGI Friday-esqe restaurants and telling the story of her ex-rockstar-boyfriend who stole her songs. First a staged play, the independent movie went on to be nominated for a few Oscars (which it should've won ALL of them). The songs, the story of this beautiful heroine touches you in a way you never thought possible. If you think this is a gay camp film, think again. John Cameron Mitchell is freaking amazing in this movie (he also directs). One can find themselves relating to this great protagonist, no matter who or where one comes from. The film is smart, beautiful, and the music rocks. My favorite? The song Origin of Love, where Hedwig talks of how we all used to be attached to one another, back to back, walking around with four arms and four legs. The Gods grew tired of our strength and defiance, and split us down the middle, then scattered us with a hurricane, leaving us constantly searching for our other half. Gorgeous, I'm telling you.

Woe

As a singer, there is nothing worse than a sore throat.

Ugh. I HATE them. Give me sinus congestion any day. Just, please, not a sore throat.

I woke up Sunday with a teeny tiny sore throat that I thought was from not enough sleep or something. I made it through the Vocal Valentine gig without problems. But when I woke Monday morning, there it was. Like sandpaper in my throat. I went and did my workout, then back home for some Emergen-C, in hopes I could fend it off. It continued on through the day, but not bad enough that I couldn't teach. This morning, swallowing was nearly impossible.

As much as I hated to, I had to cancel my day. If I had any other profession, working would not be a problem. But I'm a voice teacher. Talking for 3 straight hours just isn't in the cards when you have an illness such as this. Wasn't I just sick, too?

I sort of like to equate this sensation as a cheese grater sliding around on my throat. Mmmmmm. Nice. But from what I've been gleaning, so far this winter, everyone I know has been sick twice in a row. Christine, my Kindermusik boss Sheila, many of my students, and of course, Rob. Now me too. Stupid F**KING weather. If it would make up it's mind if it's going to thaw or freeze, maybe we'd all get a freakin' break.

Week in Review

This has been, quite possibly, the busiest week for both of us in a long, long time. Despite the snow day, we both had a little too much on our plates this week. I've been fighting some sort of dizziness, which leaves me nauseated. Am thinking it could be a residual ear thing from my cold a few weeks back. Who knows. Rob has been fighting the ick, too, and had scholarship auditions this past weekend, which left him drained. We both need a vacation, and we need it soon. The first week of March can't get here soon enough (our spring break!) when we head up to Dubuque and Galena for two days.

Tonight was Vocal Valentine, the Opera QC's fundraiser at The Abbey Station downtown Rock Island. In a beautiful room, the event sold out, and the crowd enjoyed our performances. Especially my Taylor the Latte Boy.


The room at Abbey Station

We did 12 numbers in all, mostly jazz and musical theatre, with a few cabaret tunes thrown in.

Rob and I, decked to the nines.


One of the highlights was to chat with Ron May, president of Opera QC, and my high school music director. As I mentioned a few days ago, Ron is directing the musical Cabaret this spring at MHS, which was my first leading role in a musical 15 years ago, when Ron first came to MHS. What a riot.

Ron and I


Next weekend is my mom and step-dads 25th wedding anniversary, and a big party is on the to-do list. My sister, Lou and Enzo will be down. Also having lunch with Abbey, Anya and Oliver again. Lots of stuff planned this weekend, but a bit more low-key (thank Jayzus).

Lotsa stuff floatin' in my brain

Found this video over at my pal Blake's blog. Everything I love about the Nati and more. Jeez I really miss it. And Skyline chili. While I do love a good 3-way (no naughty thoughts please, just watch the video), my fave at Skyline will always be the Coney. Will be heading out to Nati in April for Chuck's cabaret that I will be performing in. I can't wait!


Have been attending class at Davenport School of Yoga. Their 9:30 class is for beginners, which I definately am. Pilates gave me a good start in keeping my body limber, but yoga is a whole other animal entirely.


Our instructor, Jeani, is this beautiful, teeny tiny British woman who is so nurturing and wonderful I can't imagine her doing anything else. The class is 75 minutes, and she makes sure she always comes around to every person (about 20 of us in class) to assist in asanas (poses), or just to touch and nurture us. The School is located on the 3rd floor of an old building in downtown Davenport, and is the most beautiful, perfect location. Jeani makes sure everyone knows we're all at different levels, and never pushes us to do anything our body isn't ready to do. She always talks about our "power". That each one of us was born to move. Think about a baby or young child, and you'll see them stretch so far past their toes it's unbelievable. We can come into our power again, as we did as children, and live in the present. I think it's quite fitting for me to be taking this class, considering where I am emotionally. I've definately come into my own power.

Precipitation Breakdown

I never thought I would be one of those people who would say something like this... but... I'm ready for Spring.

Over the past few weeks, the QC has been dumped on with ice, snow, sleet, freezing rain. You name it, we've gotten it. I do love the snow. I really do. Being born and raised here, I have grown up loving the stuff, as well as knowing how to drive in it. I'm just saying I prefer not to.

The view from our front porch.

Yesterday, it snowed so much that the entire QC shut down. Schools were cancelled, the malls closed. Even Augustana cancelled classes, and apparently that never happens. Rob and I braved it and went over to my parents for a little while before coming back and watching 3 episodes of Supernatural.


Oh boys, how I've missed thee.


I'm ready for warm breezes. For flip flops. Barbeques. Lemonade on the deck with the dogs. Bring it, Mother Earth. PLEASE.

In other news, today I paid off my LAST debt EVER. Not really sure how it feels yet. Unreal. Surreal. Liberating. I ran both Rob and my credit reports, and it seems like we are ready to qualify for a mortgage. Damn my parents for not teaching me about credit!! I made some really dumbass mistakes when I was younger, because I didn't know the importance until it was too late. But my credit is no longer in the toilet, and it makes me very happy. I want a mortgage!!!!

Also, yesterday I had my final therapy session. Walking in there, I didn't know it was to be my last. But my therapist said that after all the hard work I had done, I was ready to live in the present. To experience my joy and my own essence. Boy was she right. I'm the happiest I have ever been.

Week in Review

After a harrowing feat of awesomeness last Saturday at Champagne on the Rocks, my cold finally departed, still leaving me wasted vocally and physically for about two days. Yuck.


I think most of you know that, for Christmas, I got Rob the Twin Peaks Gold Edition Box set. When Twin Peaks premiered in 1990, I was 12. Needless to say, I wasn't really into the show back then, as I was too busy being awkward and lusting over 7th grade boys. However, it being 18 years later, I was intrigued to finally catch all the episodes, and Rob was pretty stoked I remembered his love of this strange tv phenomenon by David Lynch. Last night, we finally finished the last of all 29 episodes.
First things first- how hot is Kyle MacLachlan in this show? WOW.
Okay, next thing... I was so terribly disappointed with the ending of this show. After they solved the murder of Laura Palmer (episode 16 of 29), the show took this horrible down-turn into all this bullshit about The Black Lodge and The White Lodge. I've done lots of reading about how ABC wanted the creators to cut to the chase finally, and reveal her murderer. But did they fire all the good writers at the same time? Jesus. Sub-plot after horrible the sub-plot, the show really couldn't get any worse. What was with the whole Nadine goes into a coma and wakes up thinking she's 16 thing? Let's not forget to mention horrible actor after horrible actor, too. Lara Flynn Boyle? Really? Ugh. Always crying. And Heather Graham as Annie Blackburn? They couldn't find anyone else? My beef with the ending: I understand they had to tidy up all the ends, considering it was cancelled. But what happened to Pete, Andrew and Audrey after the bomb went off in the bank? It sucked that she didn't get to see Jack Wheeler again (Billy Zane? Totally hot). What happened to Leo? Did he lose his grip on the spiders and drop them all on his head? Did James come back for Donna? Why didn't we find out about Donna's mom and Ben Horne? And the end, with The Black Lodge/White Lodge crap. Why even mention a White Lodge and then not show it to us? Those last scenes in The Black Lodge were so unneccessary. In my opinion, that was just David Lynch being weird for the sake of being weird. I'll Netflix Blue Velvet or Mullholland Drive or some shit if I want that. They should've just ended the damn show when they figured out who killed Laura, and be done with it.

This isn't to say I won't watch Twin Peaks: Fire Walk with me, which comes in my Netflix this week.


Got together with some friends this week to watch Lost. It was fun to watch it with a group of people who are REALLY into it (way more than Rob and I), and to hear their theories about how the show will play out. It was a good episode, but we didn't get too much reveal for a season premiere. Ah well....

And the Super Bowl? Didn't even watch a moment of it this year. I'm not into sports, never have been or will be. I'm 30. I've accepted that this will never change, and frankly, I don't want it to. The older I get, the more I realize I don't want to spend valuble time doing something I hate just to be a part of some kind of bandwagon mentality. I spent it watching a movie I've had sitting around from Netflix, eating string cheese and loving every moment of it. I didn't even watch Tom Petty be an aging rock-star on the half-time show. It was awesome.

I've been working my little arse off this week, getting ready to submit grants for the theatre company. It's not hard, just drudgery. And lots and lots of paperwork, which I hate. But I spoke to my pal Peggy today, who is pre-cast as my Kimberly in Kimberly Akimbo. She is so thrilled and excited to start, which made me thrilled and excited (and I'm realizing scared shitless) to start as well. She mentioned today were auditions for the Moline High School spring musical Cabaret, which she is costuming. It brought back so much nostalgia, as 15 years ago, Cabaret was my first leading-role in a musical. Ah yes... 15 years ago. That makes me feel old. My friend Jeff was also a part of that show, and is a reader of this blog. Feeling old, too, Jeff?

Lastly, my workouts have been stellar. I'm at the Y 4 days a week, taking off Wednesday as I teach ALL DAY and can't fit it in. Saturdays I'm taking a yoga class at Davenport School of Yoga, which reminds me of how un-bendy I am. I'm making progress.