A warm breeze.
Ice cream.
The feel of my bed.
Fuzzy slippers.
A dog's head in my lap.
The power of the stage.
Being right.
The taste of sushi.
And salsa.
Laughter.
The presence of my mother.
Romance.
Reading a book.
Being young.
Sweating.
Sunshine.
Shirley Temple's.
Apple Martini's.
Drag Queens.
The possibility of having it all.
Men.
Smart Men.
My hair.
I won't miss my thighs.
My family.
The idea of knowing my father.
Pajama pants.
Movies.
Late nights with friends/strangers waxing poetic.
The feel of freshly shaven legs.
Writing.
I will miss thinking the ideas of my youth really mattered, but know they didn't.
Monday, May 29, 2006
Sunday, May 28, 2006
Belle of the Ball's Weekly Update
Last night was the 5th birthday party of my baby girl, Maddy. She was definately the star of the shindig. A good time was had by all, especially Maddy, who was fed hot dogs all night by B (scroll down to see for yourself). We were all in paradise as 80's music kicked off the party. With a keg of Rolling Rock and 80 hot dogs to be eaten, things got a little wild by the end of the evening. I started screaming at people (so very sorry to you all), Justin brought a "shit" cake (seriously this thing looked like a pile of dung, complete with TP, corn and plastic flies) and the musical revue of Wicked was happening in my very own living room, starring Charlie as Glinda. Enjoy the pics from the nights events.
Andrew and Maddy have a dance. Awwww....
Stylin' hat, B.
Andrew does his best Napoleon Dynamite to Jamiroquai's Canned Heat. Thurm watches on.
Between these two, all I can say is....WOW.
My guy Chuck and I a.k.a. "Grace N.K.Y."
Thurm, rockin' out.
Health- Haven't been feeling too good the last week. I contracted a sore throat early in the week, which turned into a wicked stuffy nose. All of that is gone now, with the exception of my sexy, raspy voice. It would be hot if I didn't have to actually sing for a living. But still feeling good on the pilates kick! I've lost another 2 inches all around. I'm quite happy about the whole thing.
Friends- I really should rename this Family. Because it's starting to feel that way to me. Being 7 hours from home is often hard on me. I don't see my parents but 3-4 times a year. I haven't seen my nephew since September. It's very difficult to not have people you love and count on near. The more I'm with these certain people, the more I feel at home with them. Warm. Comfortable. Like I belong. They don't care what my life looks like right now. All they want is for me to be happy. The hard part is now, what does happy look like? But they support me. Are behind me. Thank you, family. You know who you are.
Next Saturday- For those of you in the area and not busy on Saturday, June 3, I'll be performing at Summerfair at Historic Coney Island. It's only $9 to get in, and I'm performing at 11:30 at the Gazebo Stage, directly across from Moonlight Gardens. Come see me sing showtunes for a half-hour (wish they'd let me rock out, but that's a no-go). If you're not in the area, wait until next weekend and I'll post photos. In the evening, I'll be spending time with said family to go see Urinetown, put on by my good friends, the Showbiz Players. I hope it doesn't suck.
Love to all.
Andrew and Maddy have a dance. Awwww....
Stylin' hat, B.
Andrew does his best Napoleon Dynamite to Jamiroquai's Canned Heat. Thurm watches on.
Between these two, all I can say is....WOW.
My guy Chuck and I a.k.a. "Grace N.K.Y."
Thurm, rockin' out.
Health- Haven't been feeling too good the last week. I contracted a sore throat early in the week, which turned into a wicked stuffy nose. All of that is gone now, with the exception of my sexy, raspy voice. It would be hot if I didn't have to actually sing for a living. But still feeling good on the pilates kick! I've lost another 2 inches all around. I'm quite happy about the whole thing.
Friends- I really should rename this Family. Because it's starting to feel that way to me. Being 7 hours from home is often hard on me. I don't see my parents but 3-4 times a year. I haven't seen my nephew since September. It's very difficult to not have people you love and count on near. The more I'm with these certain people, the more I feel at home with them. Warm. Comfortable. Like I belong. They don't care what my life looks like right now. All they want is for me to be happy. The hard part is now, what does happy look like? But they support me. Are behind me. Thank you, family. You know who you are.
Next Saturday- For those of you in the area and not busy on Saturday, June 3, I'll be performing at Summerfair at Historic Coney Island. It's only $9 to get in, and I'm performing at 11:30 at the Gazebo Stage, directly across from Moonlight Gardens. Come see me sing showtunes for a half-hour (wish they'd let me rock out, but that's a no-go). If you're not in the area, wait until next weekend and I'll post photos. In the evening, I'll be spending time with said family to go see Urinetown, put on by my good friends, the Showbiz Players. I hope it doesn't suck.
Love to all.
Friday, May 26, 2006
Beautiful Girl
Look at her. Isn't she just beautiful? My beautiful little baby is 5. It is now time to commence the PAR-TAY.
Happy Birthday, beautiful one.
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
Moments
"Now: I believe that you've had most of your important memories by the time you're thirty. After that, memory becomes water overflowing into an already full cup. New experiences just don't register in the same way or with the same impact. I could be shooting heroin with the Princess of Wales, naked in a crashing jet, and the experience still couldn't compare to the time the cops chased us after we threw the Taylors' patio furniture into their pool in the eleventh grade. You know what I mean."
Douglas Coupland - Life After God
Thurm sent this quote to me about 6 weeks back, right at the beginning of my "awakening", I guess is the right word. It makes me think about moments in our lives. The kind that stick around in your head/heart for years and years. And these moments can be hurtful, joyful, full of pain or love. Sometimes I feel like my life is just made up of moments that I use as a sort of timeline. All the shit in between is small. It doesn't even register. Which is what my life has been for the past few years. I felt like I was just floating through it. Comatose. Passionless. All I did was teach, eat, sleep, shower. I never wrote. I never wondered. I think I was scared of what might come up if I started to.
I've started writing again, as most of you can see. Writing has always been a great passion of mine. It allows me to escape, put thoughts out and record them so I never forget them. Moments. I had a great moment last night. I spent the majority of the evening in conversation, which led to tears and much anxiety. But the great moment came later. Laying on the floor in the studio with my sweaty feet resting up on the piano. In the dark. The dark calms me. It takes me back to the 11th grade. Listening to Radiohead sing Creep and talking to Tim Pilachowski on the phone until late in the night. I had a similar moment last night. Although it wasn't Tim I was talking to, or listening to Radiohead. But it felt almost the same. Only this time, more adult. The subject matter with this friend was so much more important than talking about the Homecoming dance or Consumer Ed class. Friend said things to me that I've not thought of in years. Friend questioned me. Friend made me feel important, and spoke to me in a way I haven't been for a long time. And now I have a moment. Of laughing about a place in Deer Grove, Illinois called Alice's Prosthesis Shop. Or of a company that makes gears that go in machines that make cheese. And countless other details I can't quite remember. But it now goes in the Rolodex in my mind, filed away for a day when I don't think I can take much more. I'll pull it out to remind me from where I've come. And from what.
Moments.....
-When I was 4, watching my father pull out of the driveway after the divorce from my mother.
-When I was 16, piling 9 people in Chris' Jeep and driving down The Curve at 50 MPH after the Hoe-Down.
-Losing my virginity.
-My first real kiss.
-Sitting in John's car when he told me he was leaving me for a job in North Carolina. All I could do was stare at the digital clock- 7:13pm.
-Watching Idina Menzel fly as the Green Girl. I've never experienced awe like I did at that very moment.
-Bringing Maddy home from the breeder in Wisconsin thinking "What have I gotten myself into?"
-In the 11th grade, sitting in a young man's backyard during his graduation party and watching him smile at me. Shaking in the 75 degree weather because I was so expectantly awaiting for him to confess his love for me. Which he never did.
-My first date with Dave M. With a horrible chest cold, eating Whitey's Ice Cream and knowing I was going to fall hard and fast for him.
-Meeting Lesley.
-Ann's 7th grade birthday party- attempting to TP and instead getting chased by the cops and brought home in a police car.
-Watching Chris drive over in a snowstorm to have a Peanut Butter cookie my mother had just made. Then helping him build a snowman.
-My first leading role in a musical- 11th grade, Fraulein Schneider in Cabaret.
Now please, share your own.
Douglas Coupland - Life After God
Thurm sent this quote to me about 6 weeks back, right at the beginning of my "awakening", I guess is the right word. It makes me think about moments in our lives. The kind that stick around in your head/heart for years and years. And these moments can be hurtful, joyful, full of pain or love. Sometimes I feel like my life is just made up of moments that I use as a sort of timeline. All the shit in between is small. It doesn't even register. Which is what my life has been for the past few years. I felt like I was just floating through it. Comatose. Passionless. All I did was teach, eat, sleep, shower. I never wrote. I never wondered. I think I was scared of what might come up if I started to.
I've started writing again, as most of you can see. Writing has always been a great passion of mine. It allows me to escape, put thoughts out and record them so I never forget them. Moments. I had a great moment last night. I spent the majority of the evening in conversation, which led to tears and much anxiety. But the great moment came later. Laying on the floor in the studio with my sweaty feet resting up on the piano. In the dark. The dark calms me. It takes me back to the 11th grade. Listening to Radiohead sing Creep and talking to Tim Pilachowski on the phone until late in the night. I had a similar moment last night. Although it wasn't Tim I was talking to, or listening to Radiohead. But it felt almost the same. Only this time, more adult. The subject matter with this friend was so much more important than talking about the Homecoming dance or Consumer Ed class. Friend said things to me that I've not thought of in years. Friend questioned me. Friend made me feel important, and spoke to me in a way I haven't been for a long time. And now I have a moment. Of laughing about a place in Deer Grove, Illinois called Alice's Prosthesis Shop. Or of a company that makes gears that go in machines that make cheese. And countless other details I can't quite remember. But it now goes in the Rolodex in my mind, filed away for a day when I don't think I can take much more. I'll pull it out to remind me from where I've come. And from what.
Moments.....
-When I was 4, watching my father pull out of the driveway after the divorce from my mother.
-When I was 16, piling 9 people in Chris' Jeep and driving down The Curve at 50 MPH after the Hoe-Down.
-Losing my virginity.
-My first real kiss.
-Sitting in John's car when he told me he was leaving me for a job in North Carolina. All I could do was stare at the digital clock- 7:13pm.
-Watching Idina Menzel fly as the Green Girl. I've never experienced awe like I did at that very moment.
-Bringing Maddy home from the breeder in Wisconsin thinking "What have I gotten myself into?"
-In the 11th grade, sitting in a young man's backyard during his graduation party and watching him smile at me. Shaking in the 75 degree weather because I was so expectantly awaiting for him to confess his love for me. Which he never did.
-My first date with Dave M. With a horrible chest cold, eating Whitey's Ice Cream and knowing I was going to fall hard and fast for him.
-Meeting Lesley.
-Ann's 7th grade birthday party- attempting to TP and instead getting chased by the cops and brought home in a police car.
-Watching Chris drive over in a snowstorm to have a Peanut Butter cookie my mother had just made. Then helping him build a snowman.
-My first leading role in a musical- 11th grade, Fraulein Schneider in Cabaret.
Now please, share your own.
Saturday, May 20, 2006
My best year
1998 was my best year. It was the year I knew I was a woman and not a girl. I remember how it began, when I looked in the mirror and saw someone I didn't recognize. I decided to change. I read Jack Kerouac, Dylan Thomas, and looked at art. Really looked at it. I met Bill, liked Bill, dumped Bill. I grew out my hair and found the wild woman inside. I grabbed my fork and knife to enjoy my delicious life.
Then I met up with him.
The Artist.
After all those years. Dressed in colors I cannot remember, smoking rolled cigarettes. I wanted to know him, to feel him, be in his skin. He took me to his house. Showed me his work. Ah, the art that spawned a million poems and dreams. I waited for him to move, to take me. Sweaty palms. A heart beating fast beneath my flesh. I waited for him. Waiting.
Waiting for his call, which never came.
Waiting for his touch. His voice. His laugh. His eyes.
The things he would say. That I was the only woman he'd ever love. Because I understood him in a way no one else could.
So young. So perfectly flawed. So complicated.
Yet I still waited.
He settled for a sorority girl named Jessica. A girl who would never know him, love him, understand him. Accept him in the ways I did. But she was convenient. Easy to manage. Because it was simpler to have the thing you despised than the thing you really wanted. The thing you needed most but were too afraid to admit that you did.
In 1998, my best year. I waited. Knowing I would forever want, forever wait.
For him.
Then I met up with him.
The Artist.
After all those years. Dressed in colors I cannot remember, smoking rolled cigarettes. I wanted to know him, to feel him, be in his skin. He took me to his house. Showed me his work. Ah, the art that spawned a million poems and dreams. I waited for him to move, to take me. Sweaty palms. A heart beating fast beneath my flesh. I waited for him. Waiting.
Waiting for his call, which never came.
Waiting for his touch. His voice. His laugh. His eyes.
The things he would say. That I was the only woman he'd ever love. Because I understood him in a way no one else could.
So young. So perfectly flawed. So complicated.
Yet I still waited.
He settled for a sorority girl named Jessica. A girl who would never know him, love him, understand him. Accept him in the ways I did. But she was convenient. Easy to manage. Because it was simpler to have the thing you despised than the thing you really wanted. The thing you needed most but were too afraid to admit that you did.
In 1998, my best year. I waited. Knowing I would forever want, forever wait.
For him.
Weekly Update
Social Life- Yes friends, I actually have one again. It's taken quite a while, but I go out with people now! I have fun! I get to spend time with real, geniune human beings. It's so great.
Pilates- All I can say is size 10 long. And that I fit into a medium. It's so great, too.
Maddy- Tomorrow, Maddy turns 5! My baby is growing up! Although she still thinks she's a puppy, just look at her face- it's all gray! So in honor of the 5th birthday, we're throwing a party this coming Saturday. B says it's a pretty sorry excuse for a party- who needs an excuse to get together? But we'll have party hats and everything for the big event. Should be a blast.
Tomorrow having breakfast and a walk with my Kels. I can't wait to see her!
Pilates- All I can say is size 10 long. And that I fit into a medium. It's so great, too.
Maddy- Tomorrow, Maddy turns 5! My baby is growing up! Although she still thinks she's a puppy, just look at her face- it's all gray! So in honor of the 5th birthday, we're throwing a party this coming Saturday. B says it's a pretty sorry excuse for a party- who needs an excuse to get together? But we'll have party hats and everything for the big event. Should be a blast.
Tomorrow having breakfast and a walk with my Kels. I can't wait to see her!
Friday, May 19, 2006
Happy
I am happy. For the first time in a very long time, I feel elated. I have a feeling that my life is headed in a good direction. I have no idea what is in store for me, but I'm not afraid of not having a plan. I'm living my life one day at a time, and for now, that works.
I think one of the big reasons I feel this way is having a whole new crew of people in my life who mean the world to me. Chess was a perfect way for me to give my performing chops a boost, but it also brought so many people into my life that I wouldn't know what to do if they hadn't been there. Let me tell you about them...
B- or "B-squared" as Charlie calls him. My friend, my big brother. He's been such a good friend over the past 6 weeks. I think he understands me. He sees me in a way not many get to. Because I'm so closed off emotionally to most people, he's lucky for being able to see the skeletons in my closet. After this picture was taken last night, B commented on his "huge nose". Please. I pointed out my own large nose and B said if we ever had babies, those poor beak-nosed children. Add in the fact that we're both incredibly tall and you'd have some horribly large-nosed, Sasquatch-limbed kids. Yikes.
Here are Chuck and Melissa. Two wonderfully beautiful people. Mel and I have some things in common, and it's nice to have a girl in my life I can actually talk to and not feel judged. Thanks girl!
Chuck- my guy. One of the most over-protective friends I have. But I love him for it. Chuck will give it to me straight-up. He's honest, which I love about him. Plus he has the most gorgeous, come-hither blue eyes I've ever seen. Purrrrrr.
Just wanted to add this one in. People, whether they know it or not, always love to Rock Out. Don't let them tell you otherwise. Everyone needs a little Pat Benatar every once in a while.
My boys- Derek, Brian A and Charlie. Each one holds a special place within me. Derek, who is also a hummus freak (thought I was the only one) and always in an argyle sweater. Love that about him! Brian A. My Anatoly. With his smile that could light up a room. A great kisser, I might add. And Charlie. My dear friend. A fantastic listener, always with great advice and a magic make-up brush. Thanks for making Flo so damned hot.
Sarah- my girlfriend. Again a wonderful woman with whom I have so much in common. We had the privelege of sharing a dressing room for Chess and got to know so much about each other. Plus I love that she has purses made out of seatbelts. How awesome is that!
Of course there are many others from the cast that I connected with. Matt, Kels, Babs. I just don't have the pics of them to show you!
Love you all. Rock on.
I think one of the big reasons I feel this way is having a whole new crew of people in my life who mean the world to me. Chess was a perfect way for me to give my performing chops a boost, but it also brought so many people into my life that I wouldn't know what to do if they hadn't been there. Let me tell you about them...
B- or "B-squared" as Charlie calls him. My friend, my big brother. He's been such a good friend over the past 6 weeks. I think he understands me. He sees me in a way not many get to. Because I'm so closed off emotionally to most people, he's lucky for being able to see the skeletons in my closet. After this picture was taken last night, B commented on his "huge nose". Please. I pointed out my own large nose and B said if we ever had babies, those poor beak-nosed children. Add in the fact that we're both incredibly tall and you'd have some horribly large-nosed, Sasquatch-limbed kids. Yikes.
Here are Chuck and Melissa. Two wonderfully beautiful people. Mel and I have some things in common, and it's nice to have a girl in my life I can actually talk to and not feel judged. Thanks girl!
Chuck- my guy. One of the most over-protective friends I have. But I love him for it. Chuck will give it to me straight-up. He's honest, which I love about him. Plus he has the most gorgeous, come-hither blue eyes I've ever seen. Purrrrrr.
Just wanted to add this one in. People, whether they know it or not, always love to Rock Out. Don't let them tell you otherwise. Everyone needs a little Pat Benatar every once in a while.
My boys- Derek, Brian A and Charlie. Each one holds a special place within me. Derek, who is also a hummus freak (thought I was the only one) and always in an argyle sweater. Love that about him! Brian A. My Anatoly. With his smile that could light up a room. A great kisser, I might add. And Charlie. My dear friend. A fantastic listener, always with great advice and a magic make-up brush. Thanks for making Flo so damned hot.
Sarah- my girlfriend. Again a wonderful woman with whom I have so much in common. We had the privelege of sharing a dressing room for Chess and got to know so much about each other. Plus I love that she has purses made out of seatbelts. How awesome is that!
Of course there are many others from the cast that I connected with. Matt, Kels, Babs. I just don't have the pics of them to show you!
Love you all. Rock on.
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
Tempest
So many. So different. So unlike each other.
The Great Wall between them.
Cold.
Like the arctic chill, and who will break it down?
But oh, it isn't he.
She builds it, brick by brick.
Who does she let in?
Who does she let see her?
She is a tempest, her own arctic blast behind the stone.
She covets her own, tries to even the score from her tower.
If she only knew the way to win the war was to fight her own battles.
To keep the wind from blowing.
To crack open and let them in.
To quiet the storm.
Or it will soon shake her wall to the Earth.
The Great Wall between them.
Cold.
Like the arctic chill, and who will break it down?
But oh, it isn't he.
She builds it, brick by brick.
Who does she let in?
Who does she let see her?
She is a tempest, her own arctic blast behind the stone.
She covets her own, tries to even the score from her tower.
If she only knew the way to win the war was to fight her own battles.
To keep the wind from blowing.
To crack open and let them in.
To quiet the storm.
Or it will soon shake her wall to the Earth.
Material Girl
Today has been a good day. For the first time in about two weeks, I have focus again. Maybe it's because it was the first day in about two weeks the sun came out. Or Maddy had her first walk in 9 days. Or the fact that I slept last night. And ate something that wasn't processed. It could be a number of things. But today is mine. I woke up this morning and knew the things I had to do. I just knew. That the problems in my life lie only with me. I can't continue or go on blaming the bullshit on anyone else but me. And I have an idea of how to fix it now. This makes me feel human again.
Tuesday I started my new part-time gig. Yes, after four years, I'm once again a retail whore. After the Kids R Kids fiasco of trying to work a 10-hour shift in one day, then eating in the car on the way to a 3-hour rehearsal, I realized I was definately no super hero. I got a gig at The Childrens Place over at Florence Mall. This is perfect for me. During the summer, my studio tends to lose a few students. Kids do not want to take lessons in summertime. They want to go ride bikes and swim and other shit that kids do. Which makes me lose money. So during the summer, I'll be working at the mall. But I have to say, I really enjoy this job. It's the least responsibility they could give a person, which is awesome. I don't have to think, I don't have to take this job home with me every day. I work a 15-hour week there, which fits well with my teaching schedule. I don't work Saturdays because my studio is full on that day. The staff are young, cool, supportive and extremely nice. And the coolest part? Getting to see adorable kids and their happy Moms and Dads. I've only seen one screaming kid this week, and I've been there two full days already. Plus they play 80's music all day long. This is work-nirvana.
Coming down from the Chess high has been relatively painless. But I think knowing I'm going to see the majority of them both Thursday for Maryoke and Friday for The Da Vinci Code helps to ease the pain. I'm excited to see this movie with this particular crowd. There are many different religious beliefs going on with these people, which should lead to some fun discussions during the evening. Can't wait!
Tuesday I started my new part-time gig. Yes, after four years, I'm once again a retail whore. After the Kids R Kids fiasco of trying to work a 10-hour shift in one day, then eating in the car on the way to a 3-hour rehearsal, I realized I was definately no super hero. I got a gig at The Childrens Place over at Florence Mall. This is perfect for me. During the summer, my studio tends to lose a few students. Kids do not want to take lessons in summertime. They want to go ride bikes and swim and other shit that kids do. Which makes me lose money. So during the summer, I'll be working at the mall. But I have to say, I really enjoy this job. It's the least responsibility they could give a person, which is awesome. I don't have to think, I don't have to take this job home with me every day. I work a 15-hour week there, which fits well with my teaching schedule. I don't work Saturdays because my studio is full on that day. The staff are young, cool, supportive and extremely nice. And the coolest part? Getting to see adorable kids and their happy Moms and Dads. I've only seen one screaming kid this week, and I've been there two full days already. Plus they play 80's music all day long. This is work-nirvana.
Coming down from the Chess high has been relatively painless. But I think knowing I'm going to see the majority of them both Thursday for Maryoke and Friday for The Da Vinci Code helps to ease the pain. I'm excited to see this movie with this particular crowd. There are many different religious beliefs going on with these people, which should lead to some fun discussions during the evening. Can't wait!
Sunday, May 14, 2006
You
With everything in the world tonight,
I am thinking of you.
He says maybe if I don't go,
Then it would be.
But now I change,
and I stay.
Will it still be?
There is cold in the air tonight,
and I am thinking of you.
Dressed in blue, and that smile
In your eyes.
That's my song but not only
When I sing.
I feel and I fell.
My eyes slowly close now,
and I still think of you.
Words not spoken of him but of you.
No lie in his eyes.
I shake.
I sleep, with thoughts of you.
Thinking of you.
-written by ACE, 10-17-98
I am thinking of you.
He says maybe if I don't go,
Then it would be.
But now I change,
and I stay.
Will it still be?
There is cold in the air tonight,
and I am thinking of you.
Dressed in blue, and that smile
In your eyes.
That's my song but not only
When I sing.
I feel and I fell.
My eyes slowly close now,
and I still think of you.
Words not spoken of him but of you.
No lie in his eyes.
I shake.
I sleep, with thoughts of you.
Thinking of you.
-written by ACE, 10-17-98
Weekly Update
I woke up today thinking I would have a feeling of horrible melancholy over the end of Chess. We had a great run, amazing response from audiences. But the best part is the strong friendships I've created during the process. Today was a good day. I spent the morning with Lesley and her family, having brunch and then over to DSW for shoe-shopping! I didn't spend any money, but enjoyed the time with my best friend. When I returned home, I spent a good 90 minutes on the phone with one of these new friends. It made my day. My week, really. Because it made me realize the importance of cultivating something meaningful to me. And knowing that I'll keep this person dear to me. We laughed about dorky things we did as kids, talked about the brilliance of Pink Floyd, Rush, Yes, Journey, and ridiculous inappropriate movies the other needs to see. I could see that, yes, it was going to be okay.
Friday night was our final cast party. We all had a fabulous time. The hard-core's stuck around to close down the bar. Here are some pics from that night.
By the end of the night, I was drunk enough to show off my favorite party trick- hyperextended elbows.
One last pic- me and my girl Les after the show on Saturday.
Friday night was our final cast party. We all had a fabulous time. The hard-core's stuck around to close down the bar. Here are some pics from that night.
By the end of the night, I was drunk enough to show off my favorite party trick- hyperextended elbows.
One last pic- me and my girl Les after the show on Saturday.
Friday, May 12, 2006
The end is near....
Can't stop this feeling of knowing the inevitable is coming. We have two shows left. I decided at the beginning of last night's (Thursday) show, I didn't care much anymore. I was gonna give Flo a helluva ride out. I just want to have fun these last shows- enjoy the time I have left as this woman... and to rock out Nobody's Side just a few more times. Kelsey said it best- being Flo doesn't take me away from the changes in my life, it only has taken me deeper. Well said.
I will miss these people, my sudo-family, in the weeks to come. But I know that I will keep in contact with the ones who I've grown close with. A dear friend says not to be sad about the end coming. To know that I've grown as a performer, and have made good connections with some fine people should get me through. Maybe it's enough. We shall see.
The best part is Lesley comes tomorrow. My rock, my girl, my best friend. She hasn't seen me perform in 8 years. Bout damn time! I'm excited to introduce her to all my friends, to show her my life here in Cincinnati. I hope she is proud of me. What would make it complete would be if my other best girl, Ann, could be here, too. Alas, she lives in AZ. That would be quite a trek for her. But I know she'll be here in spirit.
In the words of Elliott Harrison Brown... FLO!
I will miss these people, my sudo-family, in the weeks to come. But I know that I will keep in contact with the ones who I've grown close with. A dear friend says not to be sad about the end coming. To know that I've grown as a performer, and have made good connections with some fine people should get me through. Maybe it's enough. We shall see.
The best part is Lesley comes tomorrow. My rock, my girl, my best friend. She hasn't seen me perform in 8 years. Bout damn time! I'm excited to introduce her to all my friends, to show her my life here in Cincinnati. I hope she is proud of me. What would make it complete would be if my other best girl, Ann, could be here, too. Alas, she lives in AZ. That would be quite a trek for her. But I know she'll be here in spirit.
In the words of Elliott Harrison Brown... FLO!
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
Hummus Recipe
Hello all- many of you have been asking for my hummus recipe. Here ya go!
One 15 ounce can chickpeas, rinsed and drained
1/2 cup plain nonfat yogurt
Half of one lemon
3 garlic cloves, minced (I use the stuff in a jar)
2 tsp. olive oil
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp ground cumin
1/8 tsp ground allspice
Microwave chickpeas for three minutes to soften.
In food processor or blender, combine all ingredients and squeeze lemon juice in as well. Add chickpeas and puree with 1 tablespoon water.
Feel free to add anything you might like- sometimes I add black olives, or red peppers. I'll also substitute lemon juice for 2 tablespoons of balsamic vinegar.
Chill for a few hours, then enjoy with pita, vegies, or my favorite, Triscuits.
One 15 ounce can chickpeas, rinsed and drained
1/2 cup plain nonfat yogurt
Half of one lemon
3 garlic cloves, minced (I use the stuff in a jar)
2 tsp. olive oil
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp ground cumin
1/8 tsp ground allspice
Microwave chickpeas for three minutes to soften.
In food processor or blender, combine all ingredients and squeeze lemon juice in as well. Add chickpeas and puree with 1 tablespoon water.
Feel free to add anything you might like- sometimes I add black olives, or red peppers. I'll also substitute lemon juice for 2 tablespoons of balsamic vinegar.
Chill for a few hours, then enjoy with pita, vegies, or my favorite, Triscuits.
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
The Incredibly Shrinking Woman
I really hate to brag. I'm not one of those people who enjoys talking about myself, unless I'm pretty comfortable with someone. But those of you who read my blog are all my close friends, so I'll make an exception. Just this once.
When I moved to Cincinnati in September of 2002, I was a whopping 175 pounds and a size 14. I was so uncomfortable, you wouldn't believe it. Those of you ever battling the bulge will know this feeling. I joined Weight Watchers a few weeks later and lost 25 pounds in 4 months. I've kept most of it off the past three years, but have always struggled with those last 5-10 pounds.
Then I discovered pilates about 6 weeks ago. As most of you know, I've lost about 15 inches since beginning the program. I'm still eating on the Weight Watchers principles- portion control and eating very healthy. This combination has led me down a path of healthy living and good body image. It's been such a wonderful experience. I feel healthy, energized, and damn, I look good.
I had an interesting Monday. I had that experience where you try on a pair of pants that you think will fit, and it turns out they are too big. So I try a smaller size. Wait. What? Seriously? Yes, friends, I tried on a size 8. Now, they almost fit in some places and not in others. Damn body types. Why do certain companies believe that all women are shaped the same? Jerks. So I opted for the 10's. Which fit great everywhere but my ass, where there is still room for extra cheekage. But I'm happy. I haven't worn a size 10 since high school. I definately won't bitch.
I don't necessarily want to lose any more weight. My wrists already look like a skeleton with skin stretched across it. I hope my body evens out soon. However, like I said, I'm quite happy with the results so far. Hail Mari Winsor and her pilates program. What have I done all these years without her?
When I moved to Cincinnati in September of 2002, I was a whopping 175 pounds and a size 14. I was so uncomfortable, you wouldn't believe it. Those of you ever battling the bulge will know this feeling. I joined Weight Watchers a few weeks later and lost 25 pounds in 4 months. I've kept most of it off the past three years, but have always struggled with those last 5-10 pounds.
Then I discovered pilates about 6 weeks ago. As most of you know, I've lost about 15 inches since beginning the program. I'm still eating on the Weight Watchers principles- portion control and eating very healthy. This combination has led me down a path of healthy living and good body image. It's been such a wonderful experience. I feel healthy, energized, and damn, I look good.
I had an interesting Monday. I had that experience where you try on a pair of pants that you think will fit, and it turns out they are too big. So I try a smaller size. Wait. What? Seriously? Yes, friends, I tried on a size 8. Now, they almost fit in some places and not in others. Damn body types. Why do certain companies believe that all women are shaped the same? Jerks. So I opted for the 10's. Which fit great everywhere but my ass, where there is still room for extra cheekage. But I'm happy. I haven't worn a size 10 since high school. I definately won't bitch.
I don't necessarily want to lose any more weight. My wrists already look like a skeleton with skin stretched across it. I hope my body evens out soon. However, like I said, I'm quite happy with the results so far. Hail Mari Winsor and her pilates program. What have I done all these years without her?
Sunday, May 07, 2006
Weekly Update
What a nutty week! All time has been, of course, devoted to Chess. What a great opening weekend we had! Friday, Saturday and Sunday we had a pretty nice audience, with Sunday being our best show (at least it was for me!).
The best part of this weekend was that both sets of parents came in for the show. Here is a pic of Dad, me and Cathy after the Friday night show.
Mom and Bert came in late Friday night. Had breakfast with BOTH sets of parents Saturday morning, which was quite lovely. Mom and Bert came to the Saturday night show, then joined us at the cast party at my house Saturday night. I have no cast party pics- was too busy entertaining and making sure everyone was happy to take any. Everyone had a great time at the party- Charlie wrestled Maddy, and no one ended up vomiting in my bathroom. All in all, a success. Here is Mom, Bert and I in front of our big poster outside the theater.
After the Sunday matinee, a bunch of us went to Nicholson's across the road for food, booze and great fellowship. I drank a pinot noir and ate fried food. We had a blast. Here are some pics- I don't know who is in them. You all know who you are.
Have had a fantastic week. As I've said, many changes going on, which has kept me challenged in focusing on the show. Have been feeling more like a grown-up this week. Have been happy. Like Matt, I've been smiling a lot. These people make me laugh, feel free and everyone enjoys being around each other. I need to keep more people like this in my life.
I have Monday off, with the exception of two students. I'm going to sleep in! No fried food tomorrow, do my pilates, and go buy a new pair of pants. People are making fun of me because I've lost so many inches, the one pair of jeans that used to fit, are now too big. What an awful problem to have, isn't it? Can't wait to fit into a smaller size, something I haven't done since high school!
The best part of this weekend was that both sets of parents came in for the show. Here is a pic of Dad, me and Cathy after the Friday night show.
Mom and Bert came in late Friday night. Had breakfast with BOTH sets of parents Saturday morning, which was quite lovely. Mom and Bert came to the Saturday night show, then joined us at the cast party at my house Saturday night. I have no cast party pics- was too busy entertaining and making sure everyone was happy to take any. Everyone had a great time at the party- Charlie wrestled Maddy, and no one ended up vomiting in my bathroom. All in all, a success. Here is Mom, Bert and I in front of our big poster outside the theater.
After the Sunday matinee, a bunch of us went to Nicholson's across the road for food, booze and great fellowship. I drank a pinot noir and ate fried food. We had a blast. Here are some pics- I don't know who is in them. You all know who you are.
Have had a fantastic week. As I've said, many changes going on, which has kept me challenged in focusing on the show. Have been feeling more like a grown-up this week. Have been happy. Like Matt, I've been smiling a lot. These people make me laugh, feel free and everyone enjoys being around each other. I need to keep more people like this in my life.
I have Monday off, with the exception of two students. I'm going to sleep in! No fried food tomorrow, do my pilates, and go buy a new pair of pants. People are making fun of me because I've lost so many inches, the one pair of jeans that used to fit, are now too big. What an awful problem to have, isn't it? Can't wait to fit into a smaller size, something I haven't done since high school!
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
Morning
Waking, welcoming.
Legs entwined.
Your breath, warm as you laugh.
Voices subtle, soft.
Arms tangled.
Wrapped in white sheets.
Your eyes, gentle.
Skin, so close.
Sweat mingling.
The sun rises.
You are gone.
Legs entwined.
Your breath, warm as you laugh.
Voices subtle, soft.
Arms tangled.
Wrapped in white sheets.
Your eyes, gentle.
Skin, so close.
Sweat mingling.
The sun rises.
You are gone.
No small talk/Chess/All living things
Despite having wretched allergies, I have come to love Spring. I enjoy taking Maddy for her walks during the Spring because it’s like she’s a puppy again. She stops to smell every flower, blade of grass, or pile of poop she crosses by.
For some reason, I have a backyard that all living things love to congregate at. Recently, a mama and papa cardinal built a nest in the bush right outside the front door. It’s been fun watching them come and go. Their two babies just hatched recently, and as I sit at the computer, I always see mama come back to the nest with food. Unfortunately, Maddy realized there were a family of birds living in her backyard, and has come to torment them the past few days. Just this morning, I came out to find her batting one of the babies around between her paws! Stupid dog. Pulled her inside and came back out to see the baby was gone. I’m pretty sure mama came back to get the baby. But I went outside just now to find the nest empty. I don’t blame them. I’d get the hell outta dodge too if a hairy monster was batting around my baby.
This morning I looked up to see a mama duck, just walking around the backyard! I came outside with some bread. She ran away, but as soon as I starting throwing bread at her, she came running back with her mallard in tow. The two stuck around for about 20 minutes, eating bread and exploring the backyard.
I had a realization the other day. My no small talk mantra seems to be holding up pretty well. Kelsey and I had a real conversation the other day. It was strange. She said “so tell me what’s going on” and I just blurted everything out to her. I didn’t even care what she would think when I said it. I just did it. And she sat and listened and gave her support. It was great. But about small talk... I hate small talk because I’m lousy at it. I really am. That’s why I think Chuck and I get along so well- he’s lousy at it, too. So when we’re together, we instantly launch into something substantial, with meaning. And why is it that I can be so comfortable around some people and so uncomfortable around others? Why is it that I get tongue-tied around certain people? So then I can’t make small talk, or rather, talk about anything. Maybe it’s because I’ve spent a good portion of my life being “talked-over” or interrupted.
It’s tech week at the theatre. Last night was dreadful. The first night of tech is always stressful. Tensions were running high for all members of the cast and crew as they were frantically taping spike marks, running set changes, etc.. But always knowing it’s going to be a rough night helps to keep me calm. Very rarely do I complain or bitch about how fast/slow it’s going. I try to stay out of the way as much as possible and help when I can. It’s just surprising to me to see people get so worked up over something so minor in the long run, who are just trying to flex their muscles. Please. We’re all in the same boat, and once we get comfortable with all the changes/cues, it’s going to be great. Let’s just calm down, people! We’ve got a great show.
Two days until I see my Dad!
For some reason, I have a backyard that all living things love to congregate at. Recently, a mama and papa cardinal built a nest in the bush right outside the front door. It’s been fun watching them come and go. Their two babies just hatched recently, and as I sit at the computer, I always see mama come back to the nest with food. Unfortunately, Maddy realized there were a family of birds living in her backyard, and has come to torment them the past few days. Just this morning, I came out to find her batting one of the babies around between her paws! Stupid dog. Pulled her inside and came back out to see the baby was gone. I’m pretty sure mama came back to get the baby. But I went outside just now to find the nest empty. I don’t blame them. I’d get the hell outta dodge too if a hairy monster was batting around my baby.
This morning I looked up to see a mama duck, just walking around the backyard! I came outside with some bread. She ran away, but as soon as I starting throwing bread at her, she came running back with her mallard in tow. The two stuck around for about 20 minutes, eating bread and exploring the backyard.
I had a realization the other day. My no small talk mantra seems to be holding up pretty well. Kelsey and I had a real conversation the other day. It was strange. She said “so tell me what’s going on” and I just blurted everything out to her. I didn’t even care what she would think when I said it. I just did it. And she sat and listened and gave her support. It was great. But about small talk... I hate small talk because I’m lousy at it. I really am. That’s why I think Chuck and I get along so well- he’s lousy at it, too. So when we’re together, we instantly launch into something substantial, with meaning. And why is it that I can be so comfortable around some people and so uncomfortable around others? Why is it that I get tongue-tied around certain people? So then I can’t make small talk, or rather, talk about anything. Maybe it’s because I’ve spent a good portion of my life being “talked-over” or interrupted.
It’s tech week at the theatre. Last night was dreadful. The first night of tech is always stressful. Tensions were running high for all members of the cast and crew as they were frantically taping spike marks, running set changes, etc.. But always knowing it’s going to be a rough night helps to keep me calm. Very rarely do I complain or bitch about how fast/slow it’s going. I try to stay out of the way as much as possible and help when I can. It’s just surprising to me to see people get so worked up over something so minor in the long run, who are just trying to flex their muscles. Please. We’re all in the same boat, and once we get comfortable with all the changes/cues, it’s going to be great. Let’s just calm down, people! We’ve got a great show.
Two days until I see my Dad!
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