Moments

"Now: I believe that you've had most of your important memories by the time you're thirty. After that, memory becomes water overflowing into an already full cup. New experiences just don't register in the same way or with the same impact. I could be shooting heroin with the Princess of Wales, naked in a crashing jet, and the experience still couldn't compare to the time the cops chased us after we threw the Taylors' patio furniture into their pool in the eleventh grade. You know what I mean."
Douglas Coupland - Life After God

Thurm sent this quote to me about 6 weeks back, right at the beginning of my "awakening", I guess is the right word. It makes me think about moments in our lives. The kind that stick around in your head/heart for years and years. And these moments can be hurtful, joyful, full of pain or love. Sometimes I feel like my life is just made up of moments that I use as a sort of timeline. All the shit in between is small. It doesn't even register. Which is what my life has been for the past few years. I felt like I was just floating through it. Comatose. Passionless. All I did was teach, eat, sleep, shower. I never wrote. I never wondered. I think I was scared of what might come up if I started to.

I've started writing again, as most of you can see. Writing has always been a great passion of mine. It allows me to escape, put thoughts out and record them so I never forget them. Moments. I had a great moment last night. I spent the majority of the evening in conversation, which led to tears and much anxiety. But the great moment came later. Laying on the floor in the studio with my sweaty feet resting up on the piano. In the dark. The dark calms me. It takes me back to the 11th grade. Listening to Radiohead sing Creep and talking to Tim Pilachowski on the phone until late in the night. I had a similar moment last night. Although it wasn't Tim I was talking to, or listening to Radiohead. But it felt almost the same. Only this time, more adult. The subject matter with this friend was so much more important than talking about the Homecoming dance or Consumer Ed class. Friend said things to me that I've not thought of in years. Friend questioned me. Friend made me feel important, and spoke to me in a way I haven't been for a long time. And now I have a moment. Of laughing about a place in Deer Grove, Illinois called Alice's Prosthesis Shop. Or of a company that makes gears that go in machines that make cheese. And countless other details I can't quite remember. But it now goes in the Rolodex in my mind, filed away for a day when I don't think I can take much more. I'll pull it out to remind me from where I've come. And from what.

Moments.....
-When I was 4, watching my father pull out of the driveway after the divorce from my mother.
-When I was 16, piling 9 people in Chris' Jeep and driving down The Curve at 50 MPH after the Hoe-Down.
-Losing my virginity.
-My first real kiss.
-Sitting in John's car when he told me he was leaving me for a job in North Carolina. All I could do was stare at the digital clock- 7:13pm.
-Watching Idina Menzel fly as the Green Girl. I've never experienced awe like I did at that very moment.
-Bringing Maddy home from the breeder in Wisconsin thinking "What have I gotten myself into?"
-In the 11th grade, sitting in a young man's backyard during his graduation party and watching him smile at me. Shaking in the 75 degree weather because I was so expectantly awaiting for him to confess his love for me. Which he never did.
-My first date with Dave M. With a horrible chest cold, eating Whitey's Ice Cream and knowing I was going to fall hard and fast for him.
-Meeting Lesley.
-Ann's 7th grade birthday party- attempting to TP and instead getting chased by the cops and brought home in a police car.
-Watching Chris drive over in a snowstorm to have a Peanut Butter cookie my mother had just made. Then helping him build a snowman.
-My first leading role in a musical- 11th grade, Fraulein Schneider in Cabaret.

Now please, share your own.