No clever subject...

I am a compulsive blog checker. If you look to your right, there is a list of blogs I read, and each day, I check them. Most of the people on that list I don't get to see on a regular basis, and it makes me feel that I am a part of their lives, even if just through something like this.

Blogs are so interesting to me. Two years ago, I thought "what the hell is a blog?". When I stumbled upon an old high school chum's blog, I thought "Hm. This is kind of interesting", and proceeded to make one up for myself. Which is what you folks now get to read.

There are blogs by people who display their art, like my friend Blake at eKalb. People who write, not personally, but about things that interest them, like Odd Things I've Seen. But the blogs I enjoy most are by the people who express their inner-most thoughts and feelings. We all seem to live in a world that has become so commercial and conservative and mundane. People no longer speak to their children, or to each other, or about things that are important to them. What is it we fear? Vunerability? Why? I think it takes great strength to allow yourself to understand the things that make you who you are, and to share those with others. It's what connects us.

Nearly two years ago, during the production of Chess, I decided on a "no small-talk" mantra, that I've desperately tried to hang on to since. It is more evident now that Rob and I are finally in a settled place in our lives. We are meeting new people all the time, and going to parties and functions and whatnot. Everyone wants to 'know' about you, but not really. They want to know the surface things about you. Like what you do for a living. Where you're from. If you have, or plan to have, children. And that's about it. Why don't we ever ask each other about our passions? What drives us? If we do, we get the label of "flake", because we want to talk about things that matter rather than stupid shit that no one could care anything about.

I'm merely rambling. I read Thurm's blog this morning and was so calm in doing so. He writes like a normal person. He writes about his life, about things that hang him up, things that bring him joy. I love that. I can hear his voice when I read his blog. Same with Kev, my dearest friend from college. Especially Kev. Thurm was talking today about reading a new book by an author he enjoys. He said something that has stuck with me all morning. He was talking about going back and rereading the book later in his life and said "we're never the same person we were when we read it the first time". It made me think about us as people. How we're never the same person we were when "fill in the blank". Which brings me back to Kevin. I think about how we were in school. So young and crazy and vibrant. We were super friends, and despite all the changes we've been through in our lives, we're still as close as ever. We're "grown-ups" now. Golly, does it feel nice.

Did you have a nice childhood? Mine was okay. It was filled with confusing times and emotions, as my parents divorced when I was only 4. I realize a lot of the things that burden me come from that time of my life. I remember thinking, as a child, that I couldn't wait to be a grown-up. Were you like that, too? Or would you go back in an instant and be a child again? Rob would. However, Rob had a childhood filled with education and knowledge, and two parents who stayed together and loved each other and worked through their emotions together as a family. For me, I couldn't wait to be where I am right now. Maybe that was why I couldn't wait to be 30. Adulthood had arrived.

My dear friend Chuck is going to be here in a week. It will be a weekend of "no small-talk" for sure. It will be a weekend of sharing and friendship and love. Now, if we can just convince Kev to get his gay ass down here, too.....