Ya give me fever.

I won't lie. I have baby fever.

What started out as "we're not not trying", has definitely turned into "trying". I'm really trying to be patient. But, from what I've read I'm not alone, when most women begin to try having a baby, they want it NOW. I'm not obsessed about it. I don't go and buy ovulation/pregnancy tests every month. I'm not picking out paint colors, furniture, clothes for a nursery. But when I see a baby, which is most days of the week due to my job, it makes me yearn.

We've been off the birth control for a few months now. Not that I'm worried. Okay, I'm a little worried. I know it takes time, and most young couples it takes up to a year, or longer, to conceive. What worries me is that there may be something wrong. I'm not jumping the gun, as we've only really been trying for a few months. But, in the long run, what if I'm unable to have a child of my own? What if stupid mistakes from my youth come back to haunt me in the form of being a barren woman? Rob tries to quell my fears, and never tells me I'm being unreasonable. I know I'm not alone when it comes to having worries like this. It may take a while for us to conceive. I'm okay with that. However, there is always a chance. Isn't it ironic, that women go most of their youth trying to hinder pregnancy from happening, and then when it comes time that they want it, they just can't? Humph. Then there are women like my friend Christine, who decided to have a baby, and two weeks later she was late. Or Tracy, who is 6 months pregnant. By reading her blog, it definitely did not take her long to conceive, either.

The fact of the matter is, I'm ready to have a child. To share something like this with Rob. We've been through so much in the past 8 years, that I was wondering if I'd ever be ready for it. So many people have babies to save marriages. The thought breaks my heart. For Rob and I? Having a baby would be the cherry on the top of the hot fudge sundae. Our relationship is finally so good and so solid, we want to be able to bring someone into our lives that we can share our knowledge, our love with. A perfectly whole human being, with two parents who unconditionally love one another, understanding the world with an open mind. While I love both sets of parents, I didn't have that kind of upbringing. I was raised by people who, with much love to give, were often prejudiced, short and misunderstanding. Our child will have gay aunts and uncles, and understand the equality of their dispositions. Our child will be engaging, unspoiled, bright, with most likely, a high aptitude for music. Our child will be raised in an atheist household, but will understand and accept the beliefs of all around them. Most of all, our child will be loved. Our child will not be a product of divorce. Our child will only be the best parts of us (with a little vinegar thrown in, I'm sure). I can't wait.