Mid-week jibber-jabber

So... sitting here listening to Zero 7 (most sexy band I've ever heard- love them!) and wanted to post a little mid-week hoo-ha. Have been doing okay this week. I realized the other day that part of the reason I was such an emotional wreck was due to hormones... you can figure it out. I never fair well during "that" week. Crying over a raw chicken? Wow.

The anti-depressants: on my third day. The first two days, I felt a bit like I was on speed, which was to be expected. Some muscle aches, anxiety, that sort of thing. With my brain chemistry all out of whack, today was a bit different. I woke early, had breakfast, and then sat at the computer catching up on e-mails and such. Showered, headed to Long's Drugs (like Walgreens) to pick up my allergy prescriptions. Complete opposite of the past two days, I walked through the store in a sort of blur. Everything felt in slow-motion. I felt very relaxed, almost like I felt when I was doped up on morphine during my stay in the hospital for my appendectomy. I stopped in the toy isle- Oooooo, a kite! -, then in the sporting good isle- Wow, I think I need a fishing pole! - and then the grocery isle- Cool! I need a family-size box of Cheez-its!! It was all very strange. Needless to say, I bought none of those, just my nasal spray and such and was on my way.

Been spending a lot of time this week thinking of past experiences. Tracy and I have been emailing like crazy people. It's wierd how our lives are sort of paralleling each others at this very moment in time. It's been nice to have someone to chat with, and be completely honest with everything. I've said things to her I've never even written- for fear they would be seen, for fear of what it would mean if I actually said them. Been thinking much this week about embarassing situations, comments I've made, actions of mine that seemed so appropriate at the time, yet turned out to make me feel like a complete idiot. It's true, youth is wasted on the young. I wish I could've done so much more with my youth. Why didn't I just plant one on "that" guy (of course, there are so many "that" guys out there, where would I even begin?)? Why didn't I tell him how I felt? Why couldn't I voice things to my parents I should have? Is it that mid-western trait of not wanting to cause conflict? Fuck that. I should've just said everything. To everyone. Instead, I have regrets. I know, everyone has them. But I so wanted to be a person who didn't have them.

Rob said something to me today that made me really happy. We went down to Ramone's for a cup of coffee, and he said "think about a typical day in April 2008. What does it look like?". I told him it starts with me doing my cardio, taking a shower, having a healthy breakfast. Then teaching a few Kindermusik classes. Come home, work on stuff for the theatre (by this time, the opening show is a month away in April 2008). Teach voice in my home studio for a few hours. Dinner with my husband. I look at that and I think "God, it looks like my day in Cincinnati" minus working on stuff for the theatre. In Nati, that would have been replaced with rehearsals. I was really happy in Nati. And I know I can make that a reality in the QC when we get there. Tell me again why it isn't July yet?

Been doing well on The Best Life Diet- although last night I made the black bean burger recipe. Blech! I don't recommend it. The chicken lemon artichoke thing, either. NASTY! Tracy, heed my warnings!