Pretty Good Year

Tori Amos is a genius. Granted, over the last few years, she's gotten a little.... wacky, I guess is the proper term. But she wrote a song included on her 1994 album Under the Pink entitled Pretty Good Year. When I gave my first vocal recital in 9 years this past November, I included the song on the program, and even named my recital "Pretty Good Year". I wanted to show just how much I had grown since New Years Eve 2006. This has probably been the most eventful year of my life, no doubt about that. So much has happened in my life, physically, mentally and emotionally. And now it's time to recount it all.

Since a year ago today, I overcame a pretty nasty bout of depression. Stemming from who knows what while living in California (no theatre, no singing, no students, no sunshine, no culture), what Kevin calls the Green Monster was long gone by June. It wasn't nearly as bad as my bout with the Green Monster back in 2000/2001, but still unpleasant.
That being said, I overcame a pretty nasty 11 months on the humid, chilly, dirty, rainy coast of California. I never miss it. Oh sure, I miss San Francisco, and wine country, but never Humboldt County.
Living in California was horrible and wonderful, all rolled into one little package. It's like Kels says, sometimes you need all that quiet to hear what your soul is trying to tell you. She was right. I tried so long to fight what was screaming at me. Once I accepted it, my life has never been so full, so awake. I found myself there, in every sense of that idea. I began to realize owning your own ugliness and beauty is what makes you who you are. For this, I will never regret those 11 months on the coast.

Rob and I at Sebastiani Winery, Sonoma, CA

In addition, I focused on my marriage. The majority of what stood in our path as a couple was me owning up to who and what I was. I still see a life coach, every few weeks. She has brought me to a level of understanding I could never fathom. She has helped me to understand that I cannot change my past. That I am only in control of my own feelings and emotions, and that I am not at fault for the way my childhood turned out. Because of this, I realized I am free. I accept who my parents are, who I am. This has allowed me to understand and love my relationship with my husband.


Last night in CA

I feel like the year was chopped in half. That I lived two lives over the course of these 12 months. And it's true, I kind of did. Once we returned to the QC from California, life became disjointed and confusing for a few months. I never truly felt like I "lived" here until early November. After living away from this place for 5 years, each time I had come home I was just visiting. I felt "just visiting" for many months. I started teaching at my home studio at the end of August, and my studio has grown nicely since. In Septemeber, I incorporated my theatre company. In October, I filed for non-profit status, and by the beginning of November, we were granted that status.
A few days after getting back to town, I was honored by being asked to take part in New Stage Collective's production of The Last Five Years. I found it fitting, having been away from the QC for 5 years, and having grown as a person those 11 months in CA, to be able to take on the role of Cathy with my dear friend Michael Shawn. It was my first time on stage in 15 months (since Chess), and I relished each and every moment of those 90 minutes with Michael, Alan, and the orchestra.

Performing in The Last Five Years, August 2007


It was also a year of great friends. The older I get, the more I realize how wonderful each and every friend of mine is to me. Chuck, Charlie, Matt, Jason, Mark, B, D, the Prenzies, Ann, Les, Kels. The list is longer than I can even imagine. I was so lucky to reconnect with old friends this year, like Courtney, Matt Timion, Tracy from college. You guys are my rock, so important, and I'm glad to have you in my life.

The boys at Matt and Jason, watching a male sex change via internet.


The most important change of this year is that Rob and I are trying to have a baby. I always saw myself as a mom, but never really thought I would be ready. I had a lot of emotional bullshit to hack through before I was ready to tackle this role. As I mentioned above, I did a lot of good work this year, which allowed me to feel physically, emotionally and mentally ready for this huge ordeal. No babies yet. You know, once I'm ready to divulge that information, it will be posted on this blog.

Important resolutions and tasks for 2008?
Get pregnant
Take care of myself physically (emotionally, I'm ready!)
Pay off my LAST debt (yahoo!)
Buy a house
Have a fun/successful first season with the theatre company
Cultivate my friendships, old and new


Happy New Year, my friends and readers.

The holiday

No, not that awful movie with Kate Winslet and Jack Black, I mean the one that has just passed.

How was yours? Ours was just fine. Despite Rob having a horrible chest cold, and my Dad also getting sick, we still had a pretty nice couple of days. This was the first time in 7 years that Rob and I actually bought presents for each other. Oh sure, we always did for the families, but never for us. We've been starving grad students up until just recently, so it just wasn't ever an option. I ended up getting Rob the Gold Edition DVD box set of the tv show Twin Peaks. Remember that show? Rob went apeshit over it when he opened it up, so I knew I had done well. Rob got me a mish-mash of stuff, but the best was the DVD box set of The Lord of the Rings trilogy. I went apeshit, too, as I am a huge LOTR fan. I pretty much haven't left the basement, or my pajamas, in three days, as I've been on the couch watching them all. My folks got us a wine fridge, which was the cream of the crop for gifts this year.

Oh yeah, and we had a nice time with our families, too. Teehee.


We had a beautiful, heavy snow this morning, which left the entire QC snowed in (bode well for watching The Two Towers today). Here is the beautiful snow-covered tree in our front yard.


As far as New Years goes, we will be spending it with our dear friends the Prenzies, at Aaron and Jill's place. We are splendidly happy we have made a nice group of friends since our return to the QC. All of them are such wonderful people, and have accepted us as their own. We are thrilled to be able to spend the New Year holiday with all of them. We had planned to make the journey to Cincinnati, but it is going to have to wait a while. We miss our Nati friends very much, but isn't that what that song Auld Lang Syne is all about? Remembering old friends, but welcoming new ones, too? Ah, who knows.

Week in Review/The worst pies in London

With two days until Christmas, Rob got a pretty nasty cold. He is functioning, but still a might bit pathetic. Ah, but who I am to say, as I'm the biggest baby when I have a cold.

Rob and I finally finished all the shopping on Friday, and made it over to Mike and Dennis' Christmas party (Mike is the Vice President of Augie, and Dennis teaches in the music department). It was another night of standing around being awkward with people I didn't know, but David and Carrie where there with their two kids (they both also teach in the music department), so it's always nice to see them.


Yesterday, we decided to brave the rain and head out to see Sweeney Todd. Now, the majority of you who read this blog are probably actors, too, so just bear with me for a moment. I am a huge Stephen Sondheim fan. Being a musical theatre girl, and practically raised on his stuff, I tend to think Sondheim shits gold when it comes to musical theatre. I also am of the belief that Sondheim is musical theatre for smart people. His writing is art, not fluff like most of the shit that comes off Broadway these days. Now, it also depends on the show, whether or not it's good. He seemed to hit his stride in the 70's into the mid 80's. Most after that I could pass on. But when Sweeney Todd came down the pike, it was the stuff of legend. Based on the story of a wrongly-imprisoned barber who seeks revenge on the man who put him away, stole his wife and took in his daughter for his own, it was the stuff only a composer/lyricist could make work on the stage. Now, nearly 30 years later, the magical Tim Burton has brought it to life on the screen. Starring Johnny Depp at Todd, it was really quite a sight to behold. While I truly loved the film, there were many moments that I really didn't like. Depp's voice was quite good, and I was afraid we were going to see a Rex Harrison version of pitter-patter talk instead of the actual sung lines. His portrayal of Sweeney Todd, acting-wise, beat out any singing, however. Helena Bonham Carter (who I love!!) was brilliant as Mrs. Lovett. Not a singer by any means, she was fantastic as the woman who owns the pie shop under the flat which Mr. Todd resides. I hope all actors out there who can at least carry a tune see this movie, so they understand that it isn't always about how good you sound, but how you give life to the song. Alan Rickman, who always plays the bad guy, is Judge Turpin, the man who wrongly imprisons Todd 15 years prior. The thing is, I didn't get that bad/creepy vibe from him. He wasn't nearly as bad or creepy as Timothy Spall, who plays Beadle, the evil sidekick to Turpin (Spall is also always the evil sidekick in EVERY MOVIE). And as much as I adore Rickman in every movie I've ever seen him in, he just shouldn't sing. Many songs were cut, of course, because this is a movie after all, and plot needs to be moved along. I was glad to see they didn't cut "Green Finch and Linnet Bird", sung by Todd's daughter Johanna. However, considering the actress Burton got to play her, they should have. The child who plays Tobias, or Toby, was quite good, and man could that kid sing! Burton did an amazing job creating the dark and "shit" filled London. In Burton fashion, lots of creepy, dark CGI, barely any color with the exception of the red blood (at times, a bit too gory). All in all, it was very entertaining, and I understand it's a difficult thing to do, create such a masterpiece in the theatre and transfer it to film. You're bound to lose some of the magic.


It's been a while since I've included some pics of the babies. Ike and Maddy are the best of buds now, and I seriously mean that. When I'm playing with Ike and Maddy seems to think it's too rough, she'll bust in and try to reprimand me with her teeth. Ike is healthy (at last) due to his thyroid medication, and his hair has finally grown in. He looks like a dog, an alien no longer. He is so calm and mellow now, and we feel it's because he realizes this is his home now. We sure hope so, anyway!

I love the wink.


Maddy


Look at this. Sitting next to a chewie and no fighting!


Extreme close-up Ike.

Bullsh*t

Sleep eludes me. It's been weeks since this comes.

I know why, too. I can't turn my brain off. The entire score to The Last Five Years is running through my head, all at once. It's an exciting time for my little fledgling company. The time has finally come for things to start happening, and they are. Where were you when this happened to you? What were you doing when you realized that something you've planned and waited most of your adult life for is currently unfolding before your very eyes? It's a pretty delightful prospect, when this happens. I am enjoying each and every blissful moment of it.

Planning and executing a theatre company took about 3 years of research, being a sponge with every company I've ever worked with, taking notes, observing. I was ready for this. In every possible way, I was ready. And now, I watch in awe as plans unfold. I make connections every day, that send me reeling into the Promised Land, and I think "How lucky can I get?". I then have to remind myself of the hard work that went into it. Incorporating, applying for non-profit status. That wasn't a walk in the park.

I wait. I plan. My head reels. So sleep does not come. Knowing tomorrow I have a meeting to plan my first season, I'm like a kid at Christmas. Wanting sleep so badly to get to tomorrow faster. Yet I can't close my eyes.

Tonight was the Augustana Smorgasbord, a yearly tradition in which faculty and staff are invited to a buffet dinner, to witness the Sankta Maria and choir sing, then a visit from Santa for the children of the college employees. Rob was asked to play during the telling of the birth of Jesus, so our dinner was free.


Sue, Kai, and Kai's mom Lorine

Kai, who works in the President's office, was accompanying his mom Lorine and her friend Sue. This was the liveliest group we could have imagined, and loved every moment sitting with these three. Over a plate of potato sausage, Lorine educated us on the proper way of eating these honkin' things- the "toothpaste" method, she called it. "Just squeeze it!". She was a riot. After dessert, the choirs came in and sang, then it was upstairs for the kids festivities.

Look at this little cutie. She was into everyone's business.


Dancing to Rob's "Jingle Bells"


Rob at the piano in the elf hat- appropriate?


A visit from Santa


Maybe I'll try to sleep now. We'll see.

The Meaning of Christmas

I've been reading blogs recently, about what people think of the impending holiday. One wrote about the time he found out there was no Santa Claus. One wrote about having to work on both Christmas Eve as well as Day.

Like Kevin, I'm tired of hearing the question "Are you ready for Christmas yet?". Just what does that mean? Am I ready for what? Most of the Christmas presents have been purchased and wrapped, is that what you mean? I mostly think, when someone asks me, if I myself am ready for a day of spending time with people I'd rather pass on. I love both my and Rob's family, but sometimes, it's just too much. There is always a big to-do, it takes 900 years for everyone to open presents when all you want to do is go drink a bottle of Syrah and play Trivial Pursuit (no wine for me this year, trying to grow a baby soon). And the small talk. The fucking small talk! Jayzus.

What does Christmas make you feel? I think that is the true meaning. Christmas makes me feel warm, nostalgic for the days when all of my mothers' family would gather on Christmas Eve. We don't anymore, as the grandparents are too old and cranky. We're starting to make our own traditions, which is fine, too. For me, Christmas should be about companionship, and being with the ones you truly love.

I love seeing all this stuff online or in the news, about how Christmas is the time of year when you "think of others, not yourself". What a crock. Why should that be just at Christmas? Why can't we "think of others" year round, strive for peace the other days of the year instead of just one and then go back and start hurting each other again?

And of course, we celebrate Christmas because it was the birth of Jesus. From my knowledge and readings, Jesus was actually born sometime in early Spring (why would shepherds be working in the winter??), and before Christianity became the huge thing back in the day, people celebrated not Christmas, but the Winter Solstice and the pagan Saturnalia, to appease the God of Agriculture, Saturn. By the Middle Ages, Christianity had, for the most part, replaced those pagan religions. On Christmas, believers would attend church, then would celebrate raucously in a drunken, carnival-like atmosphere similar to today's Mardi Gras. Each year, a beggar or student could be crowned the "lord of misrule" and eager townfolk played the part of his subjects. The poor would go to the houses of the rich and demand their best food and drink. If owners failed to comply, their visitors would likely terrorize them with mischief. Christmas became the time of year when the upper classes could repay their real or imagined "debt" to society by entertaining less fortunate schlubs. My guess? This is where we get the presents from.

As far as Santa is concerned, the Norse used to believe that Odin(man I love that guy- I wonder how many times I'll post about him on this blog?) made nocturnal flights through the night sky to observe his followers, then decide who would prosper, and who would perish ("He's making a list, checking it twice, gonna find out who's naughty and nice").

Ah leave it to an Atheist to spread the word of Paganism at this joyous time of year.

Whatever it is you celebrate, I do hope it's a good holiday with your friends and loved ones. Happy ChristmasKwanzaKuh.

A case of the randoms....

It's been a nice couple of days, my friends, since the boys left town.

Have been corresponding like mad with my new pal Tristan. He is so fabulously talented and I'm quite sure he's the most modest of tenors I've ever met. Did you see the video I posted? Yah. He's quite possibly the best smelling, most talented young man I've met in years. Plus he's easy on the eyes. We are chatting over coffee this week on how the two of us can get to work together within the next few months, which we're hoping won't be too terribly difficult.

After Saturday night's cabaret, Rob and I have been asked to be the entertainment for Quad City Opera's Vocal Valentine, their annual Valentine's Day soiree over at The Abbey Station downtown Rock Island. Ron May, my high school choir director, was so impressed with Rob and I, apparently he ran right to his good friend Angela (who runs Opera QC) and said he had to have us for that night. We of course said yes, as it pays nearly the monthly rent on our house! HELLO?!

In other news, I get a text from Chuck today that says "I applied for AT&T in Davenport", which made me promptly call his ass and say "WTF??". Yes, Chuck loved the QC so much, he's thinking of moving here. Chuck is in desperate need of change in his life, and he's got it in his head that this is the place he'd like to try. I'm game! Pack your shit up, honey, and come on down!

Things are happening, folks. It felt sort of stagnant for a few months. For me, at least. Now? Life is happening all around me. And I'm electric just thinking about it.

Week in Review

Braving the elements of the horrendous snow this weekend, my boys both made it in safe and sound. Kevin was the first to arrive Friday night, treating Rob and I to chinese food. We adjourned to the basement for brownies and conversation, then Chuck finally arrived from Nati late in the evening. It was the first time these two boys had met, after becoming friends via Myspace over 8 months ago. I was so thrilled to have both of them here, with me, in the same house!!

Saturday the boys came with us to hear my students perform in the academy recital (which was fabulous by the way), before heading back out into the blizzard the QC was fighting through. I was a bit nervous, considering the cabaret was scheduled for the evening.

The Cabaret? Flawless performances from my dear friends. We had a small crowd, probably due to the snowstorm, but still managed to make $100!!! Yahoo! I had a blast hearing my new friends perform, and after the show was finished, my high school choir director popped in and asked for an encore. It was so great to see him, and for him to hear me sing after 12 long years. Tristan also sang a little diddy, and Steph and Mags sang their duet again. Gang at the Cabaret

Here is a video of Tristan rocking Jamie. I didn't get the whole thing, but he still sounds like melted butter.


Kev took off Sunday morning, leaving Chuck, Rob and I to head out for mexican food late in the afternoon. Chuck experienced his first visit to Blaine's Farm and Fleet, which should always be experienced after a few margaritas. D popped by later for lasagna and wine, and we all called it a day at about 11pm. Chuck just left a while ago, and now it's back to the grind. What a great weekend!

The boys

My boys are here! YAHOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


WOO!

Chemistry

There is something to be said about Chemistry.

So, I guess I'll do it.

Over a lifetime, we meet people that we could give a shit about. We also meet people who we have a connection to that we cannot explain. And there are many different types of connections. There is the connection that I have with Chuck. A deep understanding of who we are, with no pretense or question or judgement. Like the one I have with Lesley, who has known me since the 9th grade and will keep secrets until the day she dies. Or the one with my husband, who understands me better than any man I've ever known, and accepts the fact that I'm a crazy person with the line "I would hate it if you were boring and normal. You being crazy? That's a challenge. And I love a challenge".

Then there are people who come into our lives unannounced that you have a pull towards and can't fathom, either. Like many of my new Prenzie friends. Each one of them has that little something that pulls me to them. Like D. Maybe it's her infectious giggle and energy and excellent listening skills or her insane love for Supernatural just as I have. And Matt Moody, who's quick wit and beautiful prose makes you want to sit next to him at the party all night long.

But yesterday I met someone, and the second he walked in the door, there was this... energy. Have you ever felt that with someone? I'm sure you have. Yes, at first it was a physical pull. The guy is a hottie. But more than that, there was an understanding between two people who enjoy the same kind of art, whose personalities mirror each other. I love moments like that, when you find someone you can connect to on a level that is so much deeper than that "Small Talk" level I fucking despise. I find the older I get, the less patience I have for shit like that. And when you find someone you can TALK to about something that you are passionate for, it's hard not to feel this... pull to them.

My mother-in-law, brother-in-law and sister-in-law are all chemists. I am sure they could tell me some things about chemistry. About why we are pulled to each other in the most scientific way possible. For me, it's about so much more than that, as to how we are connected. Maybe it's just that crazy person in me.

Kevin

Well isn't this just an embarrassment of riches...

Not only is Chuck coming in to visit this weekend, so is Kevin, the other gay love of my life. I am so excited to see both of them and for them to meet! I haven't seen Kev since May of 2004. I know we've both changed so much, and this is going to be a real treat!

Week in Review

Last night, Rob and I hosted close to 25 people at our first Holiday Party in two years. We love to entertain, and this was the first time since living in Cincinnati that we were able to do so. We had such a blast!! While Rob spent most his time downstairs with much of the Augie faculty, I stayed upstairs with the Prenzies talking late into the night. By 1 A.M. everyone was gone, and the dogs were exhausted from all the excitement (not to mention us, too). Highlights of the evening? Hearing Jake's Michael McDonald and Elvis impressions, Andy's take on Mannheim Steamroller, and Peggy saying she would take a crack at 25 year old. It was a sweet evening with good friends and company. I didn't get to snap to many photos, as I didn't care so much about that. Rob did snap this one of me before the masses arrived.



Little Jamie Robertson made an appearance last night, too, the only kid in attendance. What a cutie! (That's Vicki, not his mom, holding him)



Next weekend is the big Holiday Cabaret. My singers are excited, if not a little nervous. We've been getting some really great press from many of the local theatre critics, so we're hoping for a great turnout. Chuck will be here soon, and I'm hoping Kev decides to make it down, too (Kevin, drag your gay ass down here, will ya??).


And in other news, the obsession continues....

No clever subject...

I am a compulsive blog checker. If you look to your right, there is a list of blogs I read, and each day, I check them. Most of the people on that list I don't get to see on a regular basis, and it makes me feel that I am a part of their lives, even if just through something like this.

Blogs are so interesting to me. Two years ago, I thought "what the hell is a blog?". When I stumbled upon an old high school chum's blog, I thought "Hm. This is kind of interesting", and proceeded to make one up for myself. Which is what you folks now get to read.

There are blogs by people who display their art, like my friend Blake at eKalb. People who write, not personally, but about things that interest them, like Odd Things I've Seen. But the blogs I enjoy most are by the people who express their inner-most thoughts and feelings. We all seem to live in a world that has become so commercial and conservative and mundane. People no longer speak to their children, or to each other, or about things that are important to them. What is it we fear? Vunerability? Why? I think it takes great strength to allow yourself to understand the things that make you who you are, and to share those with others. It's what connects us.

Nearly two years ago, during the production of Chess, I decided on a "no small-talk" mantra, that I've desperately tried to hang on to since. It is more evident now that Rob and I are finally in a settled place in our lives. We are meeting new people all the time, and going to parties and functions and whatnot. Everyone wants to 'know' about you, but not really. They want to know the surface things about you. Like what you do for a living. Where you're from. If you have, or plan to have, children. And that's about it. Why don't we ever ask each other about our passions? What drives us? If we do, we get the label of "flake", because we want to talk about things that matter rather than stupid shit that no one could care anything about.

I'm merely rambling. I read Thurm's blog this morning and was so calm in doing so. He writes like a normal person. He writes about his life, about things that hang him up, things that bring him joy. I love that. I can hear his voice when I read his blog. Same with Kev, my dearest friend from college. Especially Kev. Thurm was talking today about reading a new book by an author he enjoys. He said something that has stuck with me all morning. He was talking about going back and rereading the book later in his life and said "we're never the same person we were when we read it the first time". It made me think about us as people. How we're never the same person we were when "fill in the blank". Which brings me back to Kevin. I think about how we were in school. So young and crazy and vibrant. We were super friends, and despite all the changes we've been through in our lives, we're still as close as ever. We're "grown-ups" now. Golly, does it feel nice.

Did you have a nice childhood? Mine was okay. It was filled with confusing times and emotions, as my parents divorced when I was only 4. I realize a lot of the things that burden me come from that time of my life. I remember thinking, as a child, that I couldn't wait to be a grown-up. Were you like that, too? Or would you go back in an instant and be a child again? Rob would. However, Rob had a childhood filled with education and knowledge, and two parents who stayed together and loved each other and worked through their emotions together as a family. For me, I couldn't wait to be where I am right now. Maybe that was why I couldn't wait to be 30. Adulthood had arrived.

My dear friend Chuck is going to be here in a week. It will be a weekend of "no small-talk" for sure. It will be a weekend of sharing and friendship and love. Now, if we can just convince Kev to get his gay ass down here, too.....

Chuck

I just got word late last night...

The (gay) love of my life is coming to visit next weekend! Yahoo! Chuck will be here just in time for the holiday cabaret. Since he is a singer, maybe I can convince him to get up and do a number or two... Hmmm...


The Awesome shot of Chuck, courtesy of my 30 year old Pentax SLR. Hot!

Milestones

Okay, okay. Sorry for not posting in the last few days. I keep seeing readers checking my blog, probably hoping to get a glimpse as to what is going on. The week has been pretty boring. Nothing to write home about. Oh yeah. Except that Rob and I are trying to have a baby.


WHAT???

Yes, it's true. Now I'm sure there are a few readers on here who are thinking "Why didn't you tell me? God what a horrible friend you are" (I'm mainly thinking of D here). But with the holidays and my recital and everything else, it just didn't come up. Sorry friends! You know I love you.

Now, for the 4 people who read this blog, back to the baby chat. It was a few weeks ago, when I just realized, "I'm ready". I think a big hurdle was getting past all the shit that has burdened me for years and realizing it was good to let it go. A year ago, I could barely take care of myself, let alone another person. But I've been having crazy baby radar for a few weeks now, and Rob and I are officially trying. Well... we're not trying, but we're not not trying. If it happens, yay. If it doesn't, that's fine, too. But we're kinda hoping it does....

In other news, Rob and I spent this evening down in the Village of East Davenport at the Christmas Walk. Every year, for two weekends, this small Victorian Village puts on a beautiful Christmas Walk with food, music, Sleigh Rides and Santa. The Turner Hall is there, where our theatre space is located, and we spent about 90 minutes singing some Christmas tunes and whatnot. It was fun when a group of youngsters came in and sang "Rudolph" with me, complete with all the interjections i.e. "Like a lightbulb!"

The Village at Christmas


Rob and I have decided to head to NYC in March to visit Kels and her husband Josh. (Kels played Svetlana in Chess with me last year) We are so thrilled to get back to the city, as it was Thanksgiving of 2004 the last time we were there. Now that the Stagehand Strike is over, we're hoping to get to see some shows. Although I'm ready to head off-Broadway this time for some GOOD theatre, not the over-priced, over-produced crap we saw last time. Don't get me wrong, seeing Wicked and Rent both live and in-person in New York wasn't anything to shake a stick at. But I'm ready to see some great performances rather than the glitz.

So. That's it for now my lovelies.

Week in Review

Well hello, fair readers. I do trust that all of you had a wonderful Thanksgiving weekend. Ours was pretty great, too. Rob ate about six desserts on Thursday, which led to lots of stomach aches throughout the following days, but we had a blast. Let's recount, shall we?

Wednesday night, Rob and I decided to go see Enchanted, which was the first time we've been to a movie since June! I'll tell you, it was quite adorable. I am totally in love with Amy Adams (of Junebug and Catch me if you can), who plays Giselle, the Disney-esqe princess who falls down a wishing well on her wedding day, only to end up under a manhole in Times Square. It wasn't sugary-sweet as you might expect, and it was really quite an entertaining, girl-power sort of movie. Rob loved it too, as the performances in this production were spot on. Also, Idina Menzel of Wicked fame stars as Patrick Dempsey's high-powered New York fashion designer girlfriend. If you get the chance, go see it! It was a perfect ending to a night filled with cold and blowing midwestern snow and ice.



Thursday we finally got to see our fam, which included our little 3 year old nephew Enzo. Boy does he love his Aunt Allison and Uncle Rob. He had a great time playing with his trucks with Uncle Rob.


A few months back, Rob and I taught Enzo to "Rock Out". It's nice to know it's sticking.


To end the day, Enzo got a monster piece of chocolate cake. Back at Mom's after the big day, he continued to spin and sing uncontrollably until he would fall in my lap. It was awesome.


After a long day, Rob crawled into bed with the dogs. Aren't they cute?


Lou, Tina, Enzo, Rob and me


We were able to spend some quality time with the fam while they were here before they headed back to Michigan Sunday morning.

Sunday afternoon was my big recital! I totally rocked it, and only had two brain farts during the performance. All my dearest friends and family were there to enjoy, as well as my students. It was a great day, ending with pizza at Old Chicago, and wine and chocolates with my girlfriends Ann and Les. All in all, a great weekend.

Turkey Time

Happy Thanksgiving to all. I do hope that all of you have a wonderful day with family, friends... and food. May you all have full bellies and be thankful for whatever it is that makes you happy! I'll be snuggling with my nephew and eating lots of green bean casserole and my caramel walnut shortbread tart (it is as good as it sounds).

In other news, YES! Our theatre company is now a non-profit entity, filed under the IRS' 501c3 public charity. WAHOO! This means anyone can now donate to our organization tax free! The big one is that we are eligible for government and foundational grants. That basically means free money. YAY for us!

Yesterday was a bit surreal for me. I ran into an ex-boyfriends Mom. Wow was that weird. She was always so wonderful to me, despite her son being a fuckhead. We chatted for a few minutes, and she told me that he is going to Palmer (the chiropractic school here in town), married and has a 2 year old daughter. Ouch. I can't imagine him married and having a child. I hope he doesn't fuck her up too bad. Ah well, Rob and I schmoozed a bit about how awesome we are. Lets hope it gets back to him. I love schmoozing. You can tell someone how great your life is and leave out all the bad stuff. Like "My husband is a doctor of music and teaches at Augustana. I own my own vocal studio and just formed my own theatre company". We always leave stuff out like "We're so god-awful broke and our credit sucks so bad that we can't buy a house". Makes me wonder what she left out talking about him.

My voice recital is this weekend- anyone interested in coming should send me a message and I'll tell you when and where!

Happy Day

Got the letter today.

Our little theatre company is now tax-exempt!

YAHOO!!!!!!

Now send me money. You can write it off on your taxes...????

Week in Review

Can you believe Thanksgiving is in 5 days?? I surely cannot, as it was just Halloween, was it not?



Ah Thanksgiving... It's a wonderful time for family, friends, and eating. I love to eat. I'm an eater. I am not afraid to admit it. That is mostly why I joined Weight Watchers. Speaking of which, I am down another pound. Weight loss to date? 6 pounds. Go me.

Back to the point. Thanksgiving this year is going to be great. It is the first Thanksgiving we've been home for in many years. For my faithful readers, you'll remember how depressed we both were last year, being so far from everyone we knew and loved. We got sloppy drunk just to get through the day. The year before, 2005, was a blast, as Keith, Erin and Jason joined us for the days festivities. We were drunk that day, too, but nothing compared to Keith's Butter Boat performance (if you're curious, send me an e-mail!). This year, my sister and brother-in-law will be down with my nephew Enzo, and Lou's sister Katie (would that make her my sister-in-law, too?? I don't think so). We'll all be heading to Ridgecrest (a retirement community), where my grandparents live to eat 'til we want to vomit. Well, they will. Rob and I will eat in moderation, as we both will have to weigh in on Saturday. Who knows what the rest of the weekend will have in store. Hopefully lots of cuddles with Enzo.

Rob and Enzo, this past summer


Have any of you had a moment when you realize something about yourself? Well, I've been having many of those lately. Some good and some bad. I'm not going into detail, considering I know who reads this blog now. But I will say that I'm not ashamed that I have been seeing a counselor the past few months. She is a wonderful woman who I saw years ago when I was first diagnosed with depression/anxiety disorder. She has helped me get through many things that I burden myself with, and when we moved back home, I still realized that I had much to work on. Sure I may joke about how I'm in "therapy", but I know the importance of her work, and what she has allowed me to work on and see in session and out. Recently, I've been working on self-acceptance (not an easy task) and the ability to express love. This second one has been the hardest of all, for so many reasons. But I'm happy that I can see these things clearly, and understand the hurdles I must get over to live my best life. I used to be so afraid. I know now that I used to think if I allowed myself to feel, the grief might overwhelm me. What I've learned is that isn't the case. Bring on the ugly stuff, please. I'm ready.


Ike is healthy! We took him back to the shelter today and dropped off some donations. The staff was so happy to see him visit, and said how good he looked. They kept saying he looked happy, which of course, made us ecstatic. So often we feel that maybe it was a mistake to bring him home, with all the health problems he's had and such. But being there with them and seeing them beam at how happy and healthy he is made us realize we made the right choice with him. Such a happy little guy.

Paralyzed

Oh my...

Leaving Cincinnati last weekend was probably the hardest thing I had to do in a long time. Like leaving it the first time all those months ago for our disappointing adventure in California.




I will often get pangs for San Francisco. Or San Diego. These are the parts of CA I desperately love and miss. But not like Cincinnati.

I am unsure what it is about the place that I love so much. The people, yes, of course. Maybe it's the fact that the theatre community is established there, and I know I'm facing an uphill battle here in the QC. Not that I'm not up for that! I respect the small, hard-working theatre organizations in this fine little secret part of the world. But I miss being able to check CinStages and finding there are 10 shows I can audition for if I want to.

Maybe it's because in the past week, I've been asked twice by folks from Cincinnati companies to come and audition for them. Ugh. What I would give to be able to stick around and work with them again, but no.


Leaving was paralyzing. It was like I was being pulled in two directions. For reasons I won't go into on my blog. I just miss my friends. I love that I'm making new friends right and left here. But no one can compare to Charlie. Sweet, lovable, blunt Charlie. Or my Chuck, who changed my life. Or B. Or Matt or J. Or Mark or P-dub or Alan or any single person I was so lucky to have touch my life.



I miss you guys.

The Incredibly Shrinking Woman: Part II

For my faithful readers, many will remember that 18 months ago, I was in the middle of the production of Chess. During that time, I started my Pilates regimen that I've stuck with ever since, and my body started to change. I usually always lose weight during a show, but this was a big deal for me. As I've aged, I've come to understand how hard it is to stay slim. I was not blessed with a beautiful metabolism that allows me to eat potato chips for dinner (wouldn't that be awesome??) like I was able to do at 22. At 30, I really have to work to stay healthy. I work out every day, I eat right, I drink a lot of water, I very rarely drink alcohol, I don't smoke, and I get plenty of sleep. I usually feel pretty great, with the exception of not getting enough sleep or water.

Back to the point. Last year, I was able to get down to a size 10 during the run of Chess (read about it here). That was a big thing for me, as I've struggled with my weight ever since I turned 24.

Since joining Weight Watchers again 6 weeks ago, Rob and I have been dropping the weight and feeling good. My old pal size 10's from Old Navy were feeling a bit big the last few weeks. But while in Cincinnati, a worn place right on the upper thigh of the pants finally broke through, and there was my milky white buttcheek, hanging out for the whole world to see (sorry to Nati friends if you caught a glimpse). It was too late for me to run and get a new pair before the evening's festivities, so I went out with that giant hole in my ass. Ah well... I knew it was time to buy a new pair, but I was concerned about buying another size 10 when I knew size 8's were not too far ahead. Today, I bought a new pair of jeans. And check it out.


Size 8's, baby!!!! F*CK YEAH! I haven't been a size 8 since I was 15! It's a happy day. I'd really like to celebrate with a giant slice of Eli's cheesecake, but I think I'll pass.

My new obsession

Thanks to all at D's party for making me obsessed with this.

Omigod. Shoes.

Week in Review

With Ike being sick, not sleeping for weeks on end, and just feeling a general malaise, I hoped a few days in Cincinnati would help me to relax. Well, I didn't have much time to do that, but being there definitely helped me to set the reset button, which was something I desperately needed to do after the crazy month Rob and I have had.

Rob had the opportunity to accompany the Augie choir, as well as accompany the district choir fest in DeKalb on Saturday, so I headed off all by my lonesome to the great state of Ohio. The drive both there and back was gorgeous, as 90% of the trees still retained their leaves, and the colors were spectacular.

Arriving in the Nati at 3, I quickly got ready while having a catch-up conversation with my pal Matt, who I was staying with. I headed over to CCM and listened in on Jess' lesson (Jess is my old student I sent to Pat when we left for CA). After, it was my turn to sing, where I proceeded to have about the best voice lesson I've had in my entire life. It rocked. Pat and I headed over to Universal Grille for some wine, grub and gossip before we made our way to the Jarson-Kaplan to see my pals in Follies.

Follies is a ridiculously hard Sondheim show, with a great storyline and super music. However, this production lacked most due to the fact there was no vocal director. Which I found odd because most CMT shows always have a vocal director. Especially if it's Sondheim. Oh well, I was entertained for a few hours, and that was all I was asking for.

Friday morning I was off to see Nikki, goddess-hairstylist, who fixed the chunky-ass cut I got a few weeks ago. Nikki is the best. I've made the decision that every time I need a haircut, I'm going back to Nati. It's a great excuse to get back and see everyone, and get a great cut at the same time.

My baby Chuck and I enjoyed a much-needed coffee talk over noodles at Shanghai Mamma's downtown, before meeting everyone over at Below Zero for cocktails late in the evening. I had a nice conversation with P-dub regarding joining the military (sorry P-dub love, you still can't convince me on that whole "buddy program" idea), and B showed up, sporting his long locks that inspired everyone to say "that guy looks like Matthew McConaughey". I drank way too many martinis and probably said some inappropriate things, but whatever, right? And everyone liked the fact that I'm starting to wear red lipstick. It was one of my decisions of turning 30 was that I was going to start wearing red lipstick. It's hot.


Jason, Jonathan, Blake and Chuck at Below Zero.


On the left, P-dub, and Alan with his "Pucker of Death".



Chuck and I, with my own Pucker of Death.



Chuck and Jonathan.

Being in the Nati only made me realize how much I miss the GD place. I miss my friends. I miss the theatre community. I miss the city. I never thought I would say this, but I'd love to move back someday. I love that place.

Saturday, hungover and groaning with embarrassment over things I had said the night before, I packed up the car and headed home. Ike and Maddy were thrilled to see me, and I did a few things to get ready for D's belated Halloween party. It was a grand night of good friends and crazy costumes. Check them out.

Julian, Peggy and D



Rosie the Riveter a.k.a. Beth



JC... am unsure of the costume.


Andy, looking quite disheveled


D and I. Yes, I was an 80's rock chick. Wishing I could find that hot pink wig....

Sorry

Dear readers, sorry for being MIA these past few days. Ike ended up getting sick... again. Monday night the poor little guy threw up ALL OVER the house. After counting, it turned out to be something like 10 times he got sick. Worried, I called the vet and brought him in yesterday. They drew blood and gave him a shot of an anti-emetic so he'd stop throwing up. Too bad it made him so drowsy, he fell asleep standing up. *UGH* I fed him SmartWater through a giant plastic syringe all day yesterday (he was so tired he wouldn't drink from his bowl) and slept through the night. This morning it's as if our old dog is back. The vet called and said Ike's white cell count was through the roof, and his liver enzymes didn't look so good. So, he's obviously still fighting something. To add to it all, Ike has a thyroid problem as well. Ike is now taking two anti-biotics as well as a thyroid pill. Doc says Ike should be right as rain in a month, and that his coat and skin will begin to change as a result of the meds. It's nice to finally know what the F is wrong with this dog, and to know that he is finally on the mend.

Tomorrow I'm off to the Nati to see everyone! YAY! I can't wait to see you all! *SMOOCH*

For Derek...

Art isn't easy

This is what Merriam-Webster says of art-

the conscious use of skill and creative imagination especially in the production of aesthetic objects; also ; works so produced ; fine arts ; one of the fine arts ; a graphic art

And subsequently, an artist-

one skilled or versed in learned arts ;one who professes and practices an imaginative art ; a person skilled in one of the fine arts

My junior year of college, I took a class entitled Philosophy of Art. At that time in my life, I was 20... a young 20, mind you. I didn't like the professor. I didn't like the other students in the class. But as a grown woman, I wish I would've paid more attention to the subject matter discussed in this class. Here's why.

I've been thinking a lot lately, about what constitutes ART. The title of this blog stems from a line in Sondheim's Sunday in the Park with George. In Act II, George is giving a presentation of his new art installation and sings a rousing rendition of "Putting it Together", about the troubles of creating a success with modern art.

As a musical theatre actor, I am not alone in thinking that Stephen Sondheim is pure genius. For nearly 50 years, this man has given the world the most amazing, beautiful, lyrical pieces ever heard or seen on stage. Sunday in the Park with George is considered to be his masterpiece by those in musical theatre land. However, Sunday, to most, would be considered a "failure", as it didn't seem to find it's audience (this was in the early 80's) and wasn't a "commercial success".

There are many people in the world who would look at what I do and consider me just "an actor" or "a singer". First off, I am a musician. There IS a difference. Secondly, I am an artist. Each actor, singer, painter, sculptor, dancer and writer will tell you there is a craft, a learned skill to what they do. After living in this skin for 30 years, I've begun to understand that what you have is about 3% talent. The other 97% is hard work.

Who gets to decide whether or not something is art? Whether or not it's aesthetically pleasing? While I find walking through an art museum about as fun as a visit to the gynecologist, I still respect and understand what the artist was trying to accomplish and know that what they have done (besides expressing themselves) was meant to change ideas and possibly how others think. I'm sure there are plenty of visual artists out there who find musical theatre to be about as fun as that visit to the gyno. I hope they understand and respect it just like I would with their art.

My brother-in-law is an art historian. His focus is Modern Design Theory. To be honest, he hates everything. The more obscure it is, then to him, it's art. If most people can't understand it, again, art. Before I married Rob, I would've been intimidated by him, hated him, and found him to be a snob. On the contrary, I find him absolutely fascinating. He is so passionate, so fervent and charged when it comes to what he likes and dislikes. He lives in a world I will never know, or frankly, care to know. Yet he's allowed me to understand that art is objective. My mom has a lighthouse painted on a mirror hanging somewhere in her house (it's really quite awful). But it makes her happy because she loves lighthouses. If you come to my house, you'll find original art as well as black and white photographs I've taken over the years. I'm sure there will be many folks who come into my home and think that my beautiful painting by my pal Sloan is god-awful, for it's use of bright colors and obscure angles. But I love it.

So. Here is what I think. Art is like wine. You can choose to be a snob about it. Or you can buy what you like. So what if Wine Spectator gave it a 98? It could very well taste like swill. Sometimes you just want a bottle of Boone's Farm (Hi Mags). Or in this case, a lighthouse painted on a mirror.

Sing. Dance. Act. Paint. Sculpt. Write.

Create.

When the day is done, just be happy in knowing that what you do benefits the most important person.

You.

All Hallows Eve

Here are some random shots I took this week.





These two thought the pumpkins were giant balls. Dogs are awesome.


Mine is the one on the right, sans mustache.


Awaiting the masses