It's in the journey...

(The magnificent Golden Gate and I, Marin Headlands)

Welcome one and all while I regale you with tales of our harrowing journey East, South and West! While we enjoyed seeing each and every one of you, there was nothing like pulling up in front of our place and realizing we would sleep in our own bed once again.

Wednesday, December 20- We dropped Maddy off at Fortuna Animal Medical Clinic and headed south toward San Francisco (never, EVER call it Frisco or San Fran- the locals hate that. You must always call it San Francisco or "The City"... when in Rome...). We arrived close to 2:30 and it was a beautiful day, as you can see from the photos. It was a bit chilly, but the sun was out! We headed down to Ghiradelli Square (near Fisherman's Wharf) to get some real chocolate from the actual factory! We then strolled down the hill to the cross of Powell and Hyde Street, where the Powell/Hyde Cable Car runs. Since we rode this during our trip to the city three years ago, we nixed any plans of making the run again, and headed down to Pier 45.

(The view up Hyde Street)

The Musee Mechanique resides at Pier 45, along with all things touristy- this is where the famed Fisherman's Wharf sign is perched. The Musee is a warehouse chock full of turn of the century arcade games, all only costing 25 cents. We got some change and spent a good 20 minutes taking in all the sights and sounds. After this, we walked back to the car, and headed through North Beach toward Chinatown, where the famed City Lights Bookstore lies on the thin line between the two neighborhoods. We browsed around a bit, heading up to the third floor where you find nothing but Beat Lit. We then headed through the city and up California, one of the steepest hills in town. While driving Blu, my stick-shift Hyundai Elantra, I thought I was going to have a heart attack. But a little experimenting and I was doing great in no time. We headed down through the city toward the Mission district, where we had dinner at the Zagat rated Dusit, a thai restaurant. Fabulous food and great service for a very inexpensive price. No wonder they're Zagat rated!! While driving through town, I realized that there is something about this city that is magical. This was the third time I've been, and every time I visit, I feel like I'm home. Like I belong there. There is an energy to the place like no other. I never felt like this in New York or Chicago, but the city always makes me feel as if it's my kind of town. Tony Bennett was right... you will definately leave your heart there.

Thursday, December 21- We flew out of Oakland at 7:30am (yikes!) and arrived at John Wayne/Orange County airport a fast hour later. Due to the awful weather in Denver, many flights to all other airports in the country were delayed or re-routed. Our 12:15 flight to O'Hare was delayed to 2:15, then to 3. We finally left the OC at 5, arriving at O'Hare at 10:15pm, 4 hours later than expected. However, when we picked up our "Economy" car at Budget, they had upgraded us to a Jeep Liberty 4x4 for free- sweet! We swung by Terminal 1 and picked up my girlfriend Ann, and were on our way home. Driving through the thick fog put us in Moline, IL at 3am. Ugh.

Friday, December 22- Awoke to see my Mom resting comfortably in her recliner after her knee surgery a week earlier. We had coffee, chatted and then I got ready for my lunch date with Les. I swung by her house to visit with her beau Corey and their two Labs, Gracie and Booda. Les and I went to this fantastic mediteranean restaurant called The Phoenician- fabulous hummus, tabuolleh (did I spell that right?) and falafel. I was so excited to see such a great restaurant finding it's place in humble little Davenport, Iowa. Afterward, Rob and I joined Bert (my stepdad) at Moline Orthapedic while Mom worked her ass off at PT. The four of us then paid our respects at Ann's moms visitation, ending the evening with a Vanderaisin sandwich at The Belgium Village (a Quad City institution!!!).

Saturday, December 23- What a great day, spending it with both family and friends! We met our friends Kalyca and Wade at Happy Joes Pizza (another QC favorite). The last time we saw them was in March, and Kal was 7 months pregnant with their beautiful baby, Alexa. Rob kept their 6-year-old Cacie busy in the arcade while we chatted about all kinds of interesting things. We enjoyed a nice long lunch with all of them.

(Wade and Alexa)
(Cacie)

Sunday, December 24- It was a pretty busy day for all, while Rob and I visited the grave of my Grandma and Grandpa Bedford (my dad's parents) before heading over to my mom's parents and Bert's parents for a visit before heading back to Mom and Bert's for tapas and drinks. We all got buzzed on wine/beer and sat talking late into the night. It was a blast!

Monday, December 25- Ah the Christmas Day Orgy... the morning was spent opening gifts with Mom and Bert, then enjoying a huge breakfast of eggs and bacon before heading off to the Elfline's for Christmas number 2. We all ate way too much of everything, then Rob and I were forced to sing a number for everyone. I was slightly drunk, which of course made me sound fabulous, then we all had some of Ross' (Rob's brother) caramel shortbread tart- so good! We ended the night by playing Trivial Pursuit-Totally 80's.

Tuesday, December 26- This was our last day in the QC, and we had to do a few quintessential QC things before departing. We first headed to Arthur's Garden Deli for a sandwich, picked up some groceries at Hy-Vee, then made a fab soup for Mom and Bert before ending the evening with Whitey's Ice Cream. And yes, my intestine is still reeling from all the food over the break!

Wednesday, December 27- Time to head to Cincinnati!! We loaded up the Jeep and headed East to see all our friends! But first, a stop in to see Nikki at Vintage Salon- the girl knows how to cut hair! Since my hair was so rudely butchered back in October, Nikki set me right and now, I have a fabulous head of hair. We then made it over to Charlie's house, got ourselves beautiful, and met everyone over at Hofbrauhaus in Newport, KY. We all ate, drank and were Mary... I mean, Merry! (Mark, Melissa and B)

Next, we all headed over to Union Station for some Karaoke. While it was definately no Mary's, we still had a pretty bitchin' time. We even had the rare glimpse of Boy George, who serenaded us with Karma Chameleon!

(Chuck and me)
(Chuck, Charlie and Mel)

Thursday, December 28- The next morning, we met one of my mini-diva's Jessica and her mom, Diane at Mokka, the best little brunch place in Greater Cincinnati. We had a lovely time chatting over breakfast before taking off to Chicago.

(Diane, Jess and me)

We made good time into Chicago during rush hour, and finally got to the Hyatt, our home away from home before our flight out of O'Hare the next morning. We treated ourselves to real Chicago-style stuffed pizza at Giordano's (it's no Gino's or Lou Malnati's, but it was good) and hit the sack.

Friday, December 29- We flew out of O'Hare at 11am and made it to Dallas/Ft. Worth around 1:30. We ran our fannies from A to D terminals to find our flight to Orange County had been cancelled. When we arrived at DFW, the weather was slightly rainy. But by 4pm, it was pouring, hailing, along with tornado sightings!! At one point, we had to evacuate away from all windows due to tornados and high winds. Being the smart girl I am, I called American Airlines and changed our flight to leave on Sunday, and lucky us, my Dad (who lives in the Ft. Worth area) picked us up 20 mins. later! We were really quite happy we were able to see my Dad and step-mom Cathy over the holiday, as if it weren't for the nasty weather, we would have just flown out of DFW and never see them!! We were thinking the fates just knew we needed to see each other, and made it possible. We all had a nice meal out, then relaxed and watched tv before hitting the sack.

Saturday, December 30- When my Dad bought his house 10 years ago, Cathy couldn't understand how or why he wanted to. She loves to tell the story of when they went to look at the house, how a mouse ran across the floor in front of them. And all Dad could say was "Just think of what this house could be, Cathy?" Boy was he right. It's been 5 years since our last visit to Texas, and there have been some major renovations since then. A great room has been added with a wall of windows that looks onto the in-ground pool, barn and acreage. Dad also put in a humongous master suite/bath that is about as big as our apartment. They aren't quite done, but it already looks beautiful!
One of the best parts about visiting is all the animals on the property. Dad and Cathy own three dogs and two horses. Max, the long-haired Doberman mutt; Maggie the aging Golden Retriever; and Hanna, the skittish German Shepard beauty. And let's not forget the horses, Gummi and Rocky.

(Max)

(Rob and Maggie)
(Cathy and Hanna)
(Gummi)

Whenever we are visiting Texas, there is usually only one request... we have to eat at Babe's. What is Babe's, you ask? Only the finest Chicken Fried meat in this here 48 continental United States. Babe's is located in teeny tiny Roanoke, Texas, a mere 20 minutes north of Dad's house. Upon driving down the street, it looks like a scene out of To Kill a Mockingbird. Babe's is in the middle of the block on a gravel road, and looks like a mecca of neon and fried-worshipping congregations of people. Folks drive miles upon miles to feast upon Babe's, and will wait upwards of 2 hours just to get in the door. When we gave them our name, we were quoted a 90 minute wait. You gotta know that if people are waiting that long to eat at your restaurant, you are sitting upon a gold mine.

(Dad, me and Rob, awaiting all that fried goodness)

(One of my favorite signs inside Babe's)

Upon sitting down, the waitress takes your drink order and asks you if you want Chicken Fried Chicken or Chicken Fried Steak- you only have two choices at Babe's. Babe's is family-style, so when the food arrives, it's comes with plenty of helpings of mashed taters and gravy, biscuits, creamed corn and a platter of chicken or steak (I always get the chicken!), with seconds and thirds not far behind.

(My plate, right before the orgy of food)
(Rob and I- look at that platter of chicken to share just between the two of us!)

We ended the night with Dad and Cathy on the couch, watching Mr. and Mrs. Smith.

Sunday, December 31- Finally, time to come home. Dad dropped us off at 8am, and we boarded our flight to Oakland shortly after. We had a beautiful flight home, flying over the Colorado River Valley and the Grand Canyon. I've never seen it before, and seeing it from thousands of feet in the air was breathtaking. Here is a shot I got from the plane. We arrive in Oakland at 11:30am to find American Airlines had lost our bags (they have since been found and are on the way to us via FedEx). After all is said and done, we are happy to be home, to sleep in our own bed, and to pick up Maddy on Tuesday- I miss my girl!!

Short and sweet....

Hello dearies-

Here is the scoop...

We flew out of O'Hare this morning, arrived in Dallas/Ft. Worth on time. Due to tornados and additional nasty weather, close to 200 flights were cancelled out of DFW. Since I'm that cool, I called my Dad and Cathy, who live here in Texas, and within 30 minutes, Dad had picked us up. We rescheduled to leave DFW on Sunday morning direct to Oakland (no connectors! Wahoo!), so Rob and I get to spend a day with Dad and Cathy! The fates decided to strand us in a town with one of my closest relatives... too weird.

We had a lovely time visiting with everyone over the vacation, especially all our dear friends in the Nati.

Pics to come when we return home to CA on Sunday.

Week in Review

Okay, so I totally meant to post over the weekend. However, the Mother of All Head Colds possessed my body last week and she is still hanging around. I have pretty much exorcised her out, but I still have a little stuffiness clogging my sinuses. Try singing with that BS. It really sucks. Rob has caught it as well, but doesn't seem to be as miserable as I. My worst fear is that she will continue to hang around during our flight home on Thursday. There is nothing worse than flying with a head cold.

Tomorrow, we leave for a day of fun in San Francisco. I am so throughly jazzed to spend a day there. We are going to hit a few of the places we missed during our honeymoon due to Rob's bout with the stomach flu. I plan to post over the holidays, so look for fun pics of our day in the city.

My mom had her knee surgery last Friday, and is doing smashingly. She continues to go to physical therapy a few times a week, and is in good spirits. I am excited to see her and all my family again.

The sad news is that my dear friend Ann's mom has passed. She suffered from MS for the better part of the last ten years, and she slipped away last night. Our thoughts are with Ann and her family during this time.

Top 14 Christmas...

So it's 11:10pm on a Friday here in California, and I can't sleep. Maybe it's all the cold medicine I'm hopped up on, or the fact I haven't posted on my blog in almost a week. I guess I have a lot on my mind, so what better than put down my Top 14 things I love about Christmas.

1. Puppy Chow- ah yes, that Crispix-covered-in-chocolate-peanut-butter-powdered-sugar deliciousness we only seem to eat during the holidays. Man that stuff is good.

2. It's a Wonderful Life- Just one of the many holiday movies we watch every year around this time. Gorgeous Donna Reed, charismatic Jimmy Stewart, and that sexy scene between the two of them (that supposedly they shot in one take) while Mary chats to her boyfriend over the phone and George listens in. Maybe it's a fluff holiday piece, but I don't care. Jimmy Stewart is amazing in that movie. Plus it takes place in 'Bedford Falls'. Bedford is my maiden name.

3. Wrapping presents- I love the feel of crisp wrapping paper between my fingers. The velvety feel of scotch tape, the metallic shine of curling ribbon. There is a nostalgia to it I can't quite describe.

4. My mom's house- I have so many vivid memories of Christmas at my Mom and Bert's house. They have lived in the same place for 18 years, and I feel I did most of my growing up there. I have so many cherished memories of Christmas' past. Watching my mom assemble her Department 56 houses into a village, and watching it grow every year. The pine garland winding down the staircase railing. Listening (with disdain) every year for 20 years to A Kenny and Dolly Christmas on cassette (she finally broke down and bought the CD a year or so ago). Lastly, my sophomore year of high school is what clearly comes to mind. This was the year Les and I became friends, and we shared so many laughs and embarassments together that year. (Hey Les- ORNAMENT!)

5. Elf- Both the movie and the soundtrack just put me in a happy mood. We all know what a comedic genius Will Farrell is, but he really shines in this sweet movie about a human, mistaken for an Elf from birth, leaves the North Pole to find his father in New York City. Along the way he meets and falls in love with Jovie (played by Zooey Deschanel), eats spaghetti and saves Christmas. The soundtrack features some great tunes by Louie Prima, Leon Redbone, Ella Fitzgerald, and Ms. Deschanel herself, whose voice sweetly channels Brenda Lee.

6. My Grandma Ellis' house- Every year since birth, we spend Christmas Eve at my Mom's moms house, my Grandma and Grandpa Ellis. Bob and Geraldine (my grandparents) have been hosting the event for as long as I can remember. My mom is the youngest of five children, and when you get all of those Irish catholic drunks in the house, things begin to get a little sticky. Each year, we all arrive in the afternoon, eat salty peanuts and cashews and awkwardly converse with family members we see only over the holiday. We anxiously await the arrival of notoriously late family Aunt Roberta and Uncle Bill from Rockford, IL, and my Aunt Evie and Uncle Dick, who live in the same town as Grandma and Grandpa... yet they are always the last to arrive. Grandma, who is nearly 90 years old, broke a hip a few years ago, and barely weighs 85 pounds soaking wet, mumbles the Lord's Prayer, and we all dig into the food. The past few years, it's just been tapas and finger foods, as the g-parents are getting old and hate the hassle. Little do they know it's probably just as much hassle as if they made their usual ham. We eat, the mood gets a little more relaxed. Uncle Dick and Uncle John (who only comes every few years from Detroit) spike their drinks with whiskey, the stoners of the fam go out onto the porch and smoke a joint, and Uncle Dick starts to fart, or starts talking about farting. That's when you know it's time to open gifts. The gift exchange between the adults has long since died, and now we all just sit around and my watch my cousin's kids open presents. When my mother has stripped down to her tank top and starts swearing about how "f-ing hot it is in here!", that's our cue to leave. Despite all the strangeness, I look forward to it every year. It never changes, and that's why I love it.

7. Cuddle time- Rob and I have a tradition. Near the end of a long day, we will put on one of our many Christmas CD's and curl up together on the couch. More oft than not, we will fall asleep in the warmth of our embrace, then whine and crab when one or the other of us wakes and suggests we go to bed and sleep. But it's our little thing. It brings us close to each other.

8. A Christmas Story- Who doesn't love this classic holiday movie? My favorite scenes are everywhere, from the tongue stuck to the flagpole, to the Electric Leg in the window, to the last scene of the four of them eating Chinese food on Christmas Eve, all the while serenaded by four Chinese guys singing "Deck the Hars with bars of horry- fa ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra".

9. Chex Mix- why do we only make Chex Mix at Christmas? It's so damn good.

10. Getting drunk with my stepdad- Christmas is a time for drinking a lot of beer with Bert, and I have fond memories of the first Christmas I was legal to drink. Lou, Bert and I got wasted at Grandma Thomas' (Bert's parents) house. Good times.

11. Scrooged- Bill Murray is a gem in this movie. It is so 80's, right down to Mary Lou Retton playing Tiny Tim, to the Solid Gold Dancers in their last appearance before Solid Gold was cancelled. Plus David Johansen (Buster Poindexter) is perfect as the taxi driver/Ghost of Christmas Past from Brooklyn. And I'm a sucker for that adorable kid at the end who says "God Bless us, everyone". Takes my damn breath away every time.

12. Christmas at the Elfline's- Much like Christmas Eve at my Grandma's, there is a tradition of Christmas with Rob's folks. Most years, whist living in Cincinnati, we would stay with Rob's parents over the holiday. This year we are staying with mine. But I'm sure the tradition of orange rolls and weak coffee will continue on without us this year. Presents are opened, youngest to oldest (which meant I was always first), then we would all sit around and play with our gifts until it was time to shower and get ourselves ready for the Christmas orgy that would soon take place. Uncle Drake and Aunt Jan, displaced from the 60's, arrive pretty stoned, eating everything in sight and talking to us about organic farming. Aunt Gay (I'm not kidding, that is seriously her name) arrives soon after, bearing some really disgusting gelatin mold (one year, it had horseradish in it???) and bringing 96 year old Grandma with her. Grandma is fun, and usually begins talking at random to anyone who will listen, and won't make a point. Dinner soon follows, with crown roast of pork and a standard English menu follows= bland food. Then it's onto the presents once again. After a plethora of gifts and dessert, it's time to sit in front of the fire or tv and have a major sugar crash.

13. Christmas Morning- I used to wake at 6:30am on the dot every Christmas when I was a kid. Even up through college I would. Now, I'm pretty much into sleeping in on the big day. But man, I can remember those mornings. Mom and Bert would leave the lights burning on the tree all night long. I'd wake up, run into the living room and just sit there, taking in the sight of all those gifts under the tree, the twinkling of the lights and the tinsel. It was so beautiful.

14. Gremlins- This movie is why Bert had to sleep in the hallway when I was a young girl. Scared the bejesus out of me. Go see my friend Zach's blog, star of this infamous freakin' scary holiday movie.

There is only one thing I'd like to add to this list, and that would be spending a Christmas with my Dad and Cathy. Because they live in Texas, it's hard for both them to come up and for us to go down. I'm hoping one of these years we are able to make it down to spend the holiday with them.

Merry Christmas everyone!

Week in Review

I think Week in Review more suits my grown-up tastes, these days. From now on, it's Week in Review, and no longer Weekly Update.

Work- I had a bit of an emotional breakdown this week. I won't bore you with the details of all the drama at Kidsclub but to tell you that I'm surely quitting now. The closer I get to leaving this place, the more I just want out. I'm struggling with trying to decide which is going to make me happier- a full-time job making more money than my two jobs put together, or trying to find a replacement for Kidsclub that allows me to keep my finances, and sanity, in tact. The problem with a full-time job for me at this point is the only thing I'm apt to find here in this poverty-stricken town is a secretarial desk-job. Now I've done the desk-job thing. It just isn't for me. I get bored too easily, and sitting for long amounts of time is the bane of my existence. Or I could try to find a full-time gig that allows me to work with children, which is truly a passion of mine. But I've also done the day-care job for children under two- this is why I only teach parent-child classes that last 45 minutes. Being with them all day long is exhausting, and I'm not quite ready to spend 24/7 with a child just yet... So I'm stuck. Which led me to my emotional upheaval on Thursday. Rob held me and told me I have all the choices and freedom in the world, I just don't know it. I'm not sure I agree with him. If... no, when, we leave this place, I want us to have a stockpile of cash so when we do get the F out of here, we are set until Rob starts bringing in the money, and I, ultimately, go back to school. Which leads me to...

Applying for schools- Rob found out just this past week he has made the first cut for the Augustana job. For those of you who don't remember, Augustana College is in the heart of our hometown, Rock Island, Illinois. They started a search for an assistant prof. last year, but some things fell through. Rob made the first cut then, and we were both pretty devestated when they called off the job search. However, they put the search out again just about a month ago for fall, 2007. Rob sent in his materials, with a little blurb about how we are from there and would "jump at the chance to return home". They sent him a letter this past week, requesting his recordings. He is hard at work in the recording studio as I type, getting it mixed and ready to send off on Monday. They are in a hurry to find someone for next fall, and requested the recording be there by next Friday!! We are quite excited, and hoping he gets the interview! Because of this, I'm ready to start applying to schools. We've heard back from a few, but my first choice would be the MFA program in Directing at the University of Iowa. Of course, I'd have to commute for classes, but Les did it, and in May, she graduates Dr. Lesley Coussens, with a phat job as a pharmacist. Ask her about her offer from Osco... ka-ching!! If we do end up moving home, this would be the ideal place for me to study. If not, Western Illinois also has a pretty comprehensive program. Both schools would be about an hour drive each way. But so worth it!

Coming home- In just 10 days, we will be on our way home for the holiday. I can't wait to see my nieces, my parents, Rob's fam, and my best gals, Les, Ann, Kal and possibly my old friend Courtney! As an added bonus, we'll be in Cincinnati for a day, getting wasted with all our pals from that great city.

Random- Rob and I rented Superman Returns last night. Due to my insane love for Christopher Reeve as a child, and complete awe of Gene Hackman as Lex Luthor, I was left a bit lukewarm by the cold veneer created by Brian Singer. While producing such great work in X-Men and X2, I thought we'd see the same emotional pull in this as we have seen in his previous work. Plus I CAN NOT stand Kate Bosworth. She's way to young (isn't she like 22?) to pull off being an icon such as Lois Lane AND mommy to (spoiler beware!) Superman's baby. Ugh. And what was that bullshit at the end, with Superman's horribly delivered dialogue about feeling like an outcast and blah blah blah. Please. Save your money and listen to the critics who tell you not to see it! They were right!

Two more weeks....

Maddy, Rob and I, Thanksgiving Day
My last night at Mary's- oh how I miss my boys...
This stump just washed up onto the shore. This was taken at Samoa Dunes, the day after Thanksgiving.
This adorable beagle was one of the many dogs at Samoa Dunes that same day. I'm so glad I caught him mid-stride- what you don't see is him jumping up on me a milli-second later.
I love this photo- the contrast of the composition makes it one of my best photos taken since being here.

Two weeks from today, Rob and I will be heading down south to San Francisco before flying out of Oakland the next morning. I cannot begin to tell you how excited I feel, being so close to getting away for a while. Plus, being able to see each and every person I love and respect.

Since I now have this awesome computer and wicked fast internet, I wanted to post some of my photos for all to see. I've never before been able to post my black and whites, since I didn't have a scanner that worked. I hope you enjoy what you see.

Entering the 21st Century

That's right, folks. Not only do I have a bitchin' new computer, I also have a wicked fast internet connection. After having dial-up internet for the past six years, this was definately worth the wait. All I can say is WOW. What was I thinking for all those years, wasting time sitting for a webpage to download? Now, pictures download in seconds... and I can finally watch YouTube for the first time in my life! I can't tell you how excited I am.

I've been spending most of my free time playing The Sims 2, which has been far better than I could have imagined. Being such a fan of the original The Sims, the is way cooler than any other Sim game I've played so far.

Other than the new computer, Rob and I spent a nice weekend together, heading down to Arts Alive once again to experience some of the culture in our fine city. It's getting cold here- the high in the mid- 50's. Which is nothing compared to my hometown of Moline, Illinois, who had school shut down last week due to all the snow they received. I'm so jealous. This is another reason why we are in the wrong part of the world. It's December! There should be snow on the ground! Oh well, it's only two weeks until we come home, so I guess I'll just bide my time until I can see some snow.

No word on any jobs yet- Rob had a phone interview this past week for SUNY-Potsdam, upstate NY. I think we'll pass on this one, as it's far more remote than Eureka, with the only activities being skiing, snowboarding, and other outdoor sports... with not a theatre company in sight. No thanks! Hopefully by this time next year, we will be snuggled back in the QC... wishful thinking, I know, but a woman can hope, right?

More Random s*%#

Yes, I was pretty depressed over Thanksgiving. It was extremely hard for me to be away from any loved one or friend on the big day (other than Rob). I hastened to mention that in my last post, as I didn't feel like getting a barage of emails worrying about my mental/emotional health. If you lived here, I think you may feel the same as I do. Let's count the reason's why Humboldt County sucks, shall we?

1. The weather- we had about five different types of weather today, all which included sunshine, rain, clouds and yes, even hail at one point this afternoon. I miss having a fall day where it is consistently sunny the entire day, not just for 15 minutes. No wonder the West Coast has the highest suicide rate per capita- it's so f*#king dismal here.

2. I have no friends- what is the point, really? There aren't any A) Gay boys who even compare to Charlie, Michael, Chuck, Matt, Mark, etc. or any of the other fabulous men in my life- B) Interesting, smart, sassy, fun females to feel close to or share private girly things with such as Les, Ann, Sarah E, Kels, etc.- C) People who aren't stoned 24/7. And don't really have the time or energy to devote to creating and cultivating any friendships because (fingers crossed) we'll be out of here by next summer.

3. I hate my jobs- I'm almost 30. Shouldn't I be at a point in my life where I'm working and doing things that I love and am passionate about? Like teaching. However, I need more than 7 students to really make a go of it. Or acting. But considering the theatre (and I use that term loosely) in this town, there is no way in Hell I'll make a go at that, either. I am a glorified babysitter, let's be honest. I care for and supervise some very amazing children, but have to drive 20 miles to and fro each day to make a measly wage doing it. I'm beginning to realize, no matter how cool and fun the kids are, this isn't worth it. The tutoring is fine- I enjoy it, it's only my mornings, and the pay is pretty awesome. But Kidsclub is becoming more of a chore than a pleasure. I feel in limbo right now- we have no idea where we will be next year, so it's useless for me to apply to Masters programs as of yet. I feel so stuck.
However, I do have a really amazing opportunity that I'm hoping works out. One of the newspapers in town is looking for a PT photographer. I applied, and took some of my B&W work down to the photo editor today. If I get this position, I'm quitting Kidsclub, which means more time to devote to singing/performing, and most importantly, ME. Also, what a great way to earn income, doing something I'm extremely excited and passionate about. For a little while anyway, until I can get into a Masters program and go after what I REALLY want.

4. People are freakin' idiots here- Rob and I were out driving the other day when we came past a lot selling Christmas Trees. Here was the sign they had in front.



Need I say more?

Les sent me a link last week- for some fun click here or
here. They both have kept me in hysterics for days now.

Turkey 101

Yeah, go ahead and say it... I'm a culinary genius. I roasted my 5th turkey yesterday, and she was a beauty. Tender and delicious, this 9-pounder was the best turkey I've ever cooked. Thanksgiving went off without a hitch, complete with all the trimmings. Rob and I were pretty drunk by dinner time at 3pm. We finished around 4 and headed down to Walgreens for some Afrin, then over to Blockbuster where we walked around in our slippers while searching for the perfect title (we decided on Cars). We ended the evening watching our shows Ugly Betty and Grey's Anatomy and one of my most favorite movies Love Actually before hitting the sack, completely exhausted.

I will have to say that I think I'm a bit dumber after watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. What the %#*$?! The parade sucked this year. Bad performances, even worse camera-work, and I miss Katie Couric desperately. I make no apologizes for saying that Meredith Viera sucks the big fat one. And I realize that I'm a little out of the theatre loop out here on the West Coast, but when did they decide to make The Grinch into a musical? Don't even get me started on how dorky, and strangely both short and feminine, the Grinch appeared on TV. Theodore Geisel is rolling in his grave.

We've had a rarity of two days in a row of sunshine! Today Rob and I headed down to my new favorite store, Swanlund's Camera and Photo. For those of you who don't know, I have an ancient Pentax SLR camera, passed down from Mom from when my parents were still married (to each other). Being over 30 years old, this camera is well-made and still allows me (when my composition is right on) to take brilliant photos. I prefer to take black and white photos over color, and prefer it to my digital- you just can't get brilliant contrast unless you're using an SLR that isn't digital. Anyway, I took it into the guy as the it needed a few minor repairs. He took a look at it, fixed my light meter and repaired two other things I needed done in a flash and didn't even charge me for it! This is my new place for all things camera, as they sell the good B&W film (not that Kodak shit) for decent prices, and they do in-house B&W processing. I was thrilled. After, Rob and I headed down to Old Town for lunch, then over to Samoa Dunes, where I took out my newly repaired camera for a test spin. I think I'll have some pretty amazing shots out of this roll. We headed to the mall for a brief spin, then home. Tonight will be left-overs and watching Cars- quite relaxing.

And, in just a week, our new computer arrives! I can't wait!

Happy Thanksgiving to you all, in case I missed you.

Mid-week review

Well, dinner with Elizabeth and Bob turned out to be pretty bearable... although, two glasses of wine did seem to ease us into it a bit. We chatted about many things, and when she started talking shop, I wanted to drown my sorrows in my Riesling. Ah, well, it was still a nice italian meal at Mazotti's- a little like Pompilio's in Newport, but not quite a good.

I did something Saturday I haven't done since moving here... I sang. What?! you may ask, "you haven't sang since August?!". Alas, tis true. I haven't had the time nor the energy to do so. But Saturday, Rob and sat at the piano and sang through a few of my favorites. It was spectacular, that feeling again. It started a chain reaction in both of us to be a bit more pro-active about our happiness while here. We've decided to put together a cabaret act, and we're going to try to market ourselves to many of the local businesses in hopes they want to hire us! If we get some monthly gigs, I will be able to quit one of my jobs, which seems to be more of a drain on me lately than good for my soul. I'm working close to 9 hours a day, and by the time I get home, I have no energy to do my pilates, let alone sing anything. I made the decision months ago to eliminate negative energy from my life... cultivating my happiness and feeling more powerful than powerless is more important to me than working my ass off for miserable pay. I want more time for photography, for writing, for ME, because isn't that the most important thing in life? Taking care of yourself and being happy? I only have one shot at this, and I don't want to spend even a part of it being miserable if I can help it.

Plan for Thanksgiving? I hope all of you will be spending it with loved ones and feeling warmth and happiness this holiday. While ours won't be nearly as fun as last years' (Keith and I in a red-wine coma most the afternoon, endless Trivial Pursuit into the night with Erin and Jason), we will be together, Rob and I, and that will be quite nice. We are also looking forward to spending 4 days off together.

In other news, Rob and I rented the movie Accepted the other night. The film stars actor Justin Long (the "I'm a Mac" guy from the Mac commercials) and a few other young comedians. It was really quite funny- not really a "frat boy" type of movie as I had originally expected. If you get a chance, rent it- it's worth a watch!

Good news

Despite feeling a bit depressed this week, we had some good news come our way. Rob has made the first cut at two jobs, and we found out about both in the same day! One of the jobs is in Seattle- kinda cool, as I could channel my inner Cameron Crowe as well as Grey's Anatomy. The other job is in upstate New York. It isn't the fact that he's made the first cut, it's that he's now two for two. If he has this good of a chance at these jobs, then he has a good chance with all the other jobs, too. This makes us both feel confident that, come next year, we will be out of this theatre-dead town.

In other news, we are getting a new computer! Rob's folks got us a brand-new Dell, with all the bells and whistles. We are thoroughly jazzed- I will now be able to check email again, or post photos on my blog in a flash. Ah, the little things you take for granted...

Tonight is dinner with Elizabeth and Bob. Elizabeth is the voice teacher at HSU, Bob is her partner. While they are both quite nice, I really dread having to sit with this woman, knowing all the while she is ruining her students' voices. Apparently, HSU is doing Urinetown next year and she will be coaching the singers. I'm scared for these poor kids, as she is a legit-girl to the core, with not a musical theatre bone in her body. Hopefully we won't be here next year to listen to them butcher a lovely show.

Am cooking Thanksgiving dinner by myself next week, and I can't wait. It will be just Rob, Maddy and I for the big day. I wish we were going to be in Illinois to see my sister, brother-in-law and nephew, as they will not be home for Christmas. Or down in Texas with my Dad and Cathy. But, as important as family is, we won't be able to make it home. I guess the phone will have to suffice.

Weekly Update

To be quite honest, it's been a helluva week. Even with three days off in a row, I'm still exhausted. Beyond exhausted. Funny. The last two weeks, I've been sleeping so hard. When I awake the next morning, I'm usually in another dimension. Plus I've been having dreams. Not like the ones I was having back in September. These are much more chaotic. I dreamt a few nights ago that my stepfather died. And all I could think of was my mother, how anguished she must feel. And I've had numerous dreams about my nephew, Enzo. Nothing tragic ever happens to him, but he's there. Last night, I dreamt I was back in the 3rd grade, and was given the grade of "C" on a paper that I was so proud of, because it was written from my own opinions. I felt so dire, so ashamed. And again, my mother was there, trying to fight my teacher on the "C" grade. I cried, because there I was, 9 years old, given a "C" because the teacher didn't agree with my ideas.

Of course I know why I dreamt of each of these things. Seriously you're reading the Queen of Dream Analysis' blog here. My mother has been having some knee problems the past few weeks. She finally went to see the doctor last week, and was told she will need surgery. It's funny, the way I felt when she told me. When I was young, I remember my mother falling down the basement stairs. I was so frightened. In my young mind, I believed she was going to die from the fall. Looking back, I'm sure she was sore, but no real damage was done. Emotionally, I was so scared I would lose her. I had "lost" my father, hadn't I? How could a four-year-old not believe she would lose her mother, too? When Mom told me she was having surgery, it brought back such feelings of fear and loss I couldn't explain. While I know she will be okay after a few days/weeks of rest, the four-year-old inside is still frightened for her.

As far as dreaming of my nephew, I'm so distraught. Not having seen him in 14 months, he has no idea who we, Rob and I, are. Now that I'm getting older and realizing how important my family is to me, it saddens me that I haven't been able to see him grow up. Seeing him in my dreams is the only way I get to experience his youth.

The dream of the 3rd grade is simple- I've been feeling so hopelessly homesick and a little depressed lately. (For those of you reading this, I'm okay... just let me vent for a moment, kay?) I really hate this place. The dampness, the rain, the clouds. The idiots who call this place home. It's a little too hillbilly/hippie for my tastes. I miss people being nice to each other. I miss my family. My friends. I hate not knowing anyone here. My saving grace has been Rob. We've been so good lately, so close and in tune with each other. The move here, I am grateful for one thing and that is that I realize I am truly in love with my husband. He supports and loves me. He takes care of me when I'm sad and celebrates with me when I'm happy. His love cradles and warms me, and I was a fool to, even for a moment, think of throwing that away. I'm so happy I've taken this journey of self-discovery the past few months. Without it, I almost lost him.

With that said, I guess I enjoyed my few days off. Friday Rob and I spent the day together, window-shopping and buying xmas gifts. We ended the night at Hana, our new favorite sushi bar. Saturday was my spa day- facial and pedi- so divine. We splurged at Pachanga for dinner- mexican food. Double divine.

I'm getting skinny! Pilates and sticking to the Weight Watchers plan has been paying off. Rob has lost over 10 pounds, and my sexy pants fit again. I will not complain.

We put up our Xmas lights last night. I know, I know, it's not even Thanksgiving yet, but we needed a little happiness to brighten our homesick moods.

Other than that, nothing new to report. You Cincinnati people, I miss you desperately (Chuck, I'm IM-ing you right now!) and cannot wait to see you in December. QC people, I miss you even more. Also can't wait to see you in December.

Ciao lovelies.

Weekly Update

So I had my first California audition this past Sunday. I walked into the theatre, which looked one-part Cincy Shakes and one-part Footlighters. I.E. A dump. But it was quiant and I decided to stay. I was auditioning for Neil Simon's Jake's Women, and read for the part of Molly, Jake's daughter. While I was clearly the best choice for the role, the director couldn't see me in the part, let alone any of the other roles. I got the call today that I wasn't cast. The director was this long-haired hippie guy, who was clearly on some sort of illegal substance... either that or it was left over from the 60's. However, the Artistic Director of the company was the one who made the call, and said he was holding my resume and headshot in his hand and was "quite impressed" with my credits and what he saw. He said to definately keep them in mind for future shows. I'm sure I will. While it would have been nice to be back on stage again, I realized that I wasn't too upset by it- I'm working two jobs and teaching on Saturdays. Do I really need one more thing on my plate?

It's been a nice week, despite the rain that continues to fall. It's finally starting to get "cold", a mere 40 degrees here. I told my old friend Kalyca today in an email that I'd rather have cold and windy Illinois Autumn than this balmy, humid, rainy California one. Yuck.

We've started our Christmas shopping, which is nice because we actually have the money to do it! And we got paid today from the academy, which was beautiful- we used much of our savings to purchase plane tickets and a rental car for our holiday trip home. The academy checks resupply our savings and then some.

I am looking forward to Thursday night... why? Because Friday there is no school due to Veterans Day, and no teaching on Saturday. I will have a REAL weekend off, like people really have weekends off! I'm so excited. Plus, I'm headed to the spa for my birthday treat from Rob. Can't wait!

While being a CA resident is interesting, I'm sad to hear that our Governor-elect is still an English-mangling has-been movie star. I'm disgusted. But hey! Give it up to America and the Democrats rockin' the House! Pun firmly intended.

Acceptance

I was thinking today, about being in the theatre. I know that my, for lack of a better word, "Issues" with abandonment from years as a child, would of course stem into my want of being noticed. So my question is this... am I an actor because I truly love performing? Or is my love of the stage really just a cry for attention?

Why do any of us in the theatre want to perform? What is it that compels us to don layers of make-up and ugly polyester costume, and step out into the light? For as long as I can remember, I've always wanted to be an actor. My mother has a cassette tape of me, two years old, singing The Itsy Bitsy Spider in perfect pitch. What does that say? That I've always loved to sing. Long before any "abandonment" issues took place, I just wanted to sing. But what was it that finally made me decide to take auditions? I didn't perform in anything, except a 5th grade play, until I was 15. My very first show was Oklahoma! my sophomore year of high school. Despite the wholesome nature of a show too-often produced, I had been bitten. My acting sucked. I remember that. But yet I was given six lines to recite, and was scared to death. Robot girl, up on stage, fumbling over her lines. Yup, that was me.

But the summer after my 10th grade year, I spent 9 weeks working stage crew at a local Shakespeare in the Park, called Genesius Guild, where I saw local actors doing their thing nightly for free, and loving it. And they were really good. I watched their every move, line, inflection. When I came back my junior year of high school, I nailed my audition for the fall musical, Cabaret, and scored one of the leading roles.

Being a voice instructor, I'm often asked if it is talent or hard-work that gets you noticed. I used to believe it was talent, when I was young and naive. It's been a long time since Robot Girl first stepped out in the limelight and forgot one of her six lines. And I know that it's usually about 95% hard work, 3% talent, and 2% luck. Just go into an audition some time. You can see it, the people who work really hard at their instrument (me) and those who think they can just sail through the audition on politics and a little bit of talent. Ah yes, I live in my own fantasy world. But when I have a theatre company, it will be different. I will cast soully on who gives the best audition. Every time. I promise.

Back to my acceptance rant... why do we care so much of what people think of us? I'm to a point in my life where I'm through with pleasing people who think they know everything. I think as a child, all I wanted was acceptance, attention, and to be understood. Is that why I went into the theatre? Because being someone else for a little while is easier than being who you really are, or dealing with your own emotional crap? I think that is a question every actor should ask themselves. Because I was never the outspoken "drama queen" you think of when you idealize an actress. I know people like that. I despise people like that. Because what do they become when they grow up? They become those annoying, long-winded people you desperately avoid at parties and other social functions for fear of being sucked into their conversation vortex.

All I know is this... I love to perform. I love to create. I don't care about pleasing anyone else in this life except for myself, my loved ones and those who I care about and are close to. As far as being accepted when it comes to the theatre, all I want to do is live a life full of passion and the knowledge that I'm living up to my creative and curious potential. In the end, that will be enough.

Happy Halloween!

(Mine is the one on the left)

Happy Halloween!
Also, Break a leg to my friends in La Cage aux Folles in Cincinnati. They open this week- wish I could be there to see you all... especially B with those chains and whips.....

Weekly Update

My apologies, still, to those who await desperately for my return emails. My fossilized computer hates Hotmail for some reason. I will respond to you with my Yahoo! account soon, I promise!

Although I hate what Global Warming is doing to our fair planet, it has drastically changed the climate of the North Coast the last few years. What usually would be a cold, rainy, disgusting month of October, we've had more sunshine and beautiful days than I could ever imagine. Although when it's damp, it's gross. The fog rolls in from the ocean, blanketing everything in sight. The drive to work is always an adventure! Our very nice landlord Mike lent us his dehumidifier a few days ago. We've been running it for 3 days straight, and has made a whole of difference in our apartment.

And I've decided to take an audition... finally, something worth auditioning for! North Coast Rep is putting up Neil Simon's Jake's Women in January. It's a comtemporary story of middle-aged Jake, whose marriage is in dire straights, clinging to his own imaginary world and the women he envisions there. With seven roles for women, I hope I have a pretty good shot. Although it will be the first straight play I've been in since Kimberly Akimbo in the summer of '05. I miss doing them, so this should be good for me, if I get a role. I audition next Sunday- wish me luck!

It's almost Halloween, and I hope now that, since we live in a neighborhood with children, we'll get trick-or-treaters. We stocked up on the candy in hopes we do. If not, Kidsclub will be lovin' me with all the candy they will be getting!

I leave you with this...
She wore a Raspberry Beret... kind you find in a second-hand store....

Untitled

I can already see it.
In shades of violet, aqua, scarlet.
Things I do not yet understand or see.
But it is there.
Waiting at the crossroads.
The precipice.
It waits, quietly breathing, in darkness.
Warm and alive, nearly in flame from the heat
of unyielding pull.
Like the race-horse at the gate,
it's heart thumping.
Chomping it's teeth to see what lies beyond.
I can almost see it, waiting on that long stretch of road.
I feel it deep within,
just breathing.
Just hoping.
What has yet to come.


Aftershocks of the full moon
It wasn't love.
Seeing him there.
Like that.
The way his eyes see through me.
No.
It wasn't love.
Aftershocks of a full moon.
That's all it was.
The way it pulls the tides.
Or how it balances time and space.
It was nothing more.
How the light shone behind his eyes.
No. The moon.
How his smile brightened,
pulsed to the rhythms of the Earth.
No. T'was nothing but the moon.
Yet each and every part of me wants
to believe in him.
In his touch.
In his words.
His confidence.
His breath as it mingled with mine.
And know it was so much more than the bright
orb in the distant sky,
pulling us like tides in it's deep and powerful embrace.

Weekly Update

It's been a weird couple of days here. We've had four or five straight days of sunshine and gorgeous weather, which isn't weird. It's been quite nice, really. And the really great news is that the piano job at Augustana came open again for this coming fall. Augie is the private, selective college in our hometown. The more I think about it, the more I realize how homesick I am. Not for Cincinnati, which is weird, considering that is what we considered home since 2002. But homesick for, well, home. This strange longing I can't supress with writing, or photography, or listening to music or anything I've tried. Even talking to my mom and Lesley just seemed to make things worse.

What is happening to me? Because I'm starting to feel this strange sort of pull toward things I've never felt before. Was it the fact I turned 29 and am now close to 30? Why the sudden pang for a baby? Why the pang for Whitey's Ice Cream, or tooling down 23rd Ave with Les in the summer? Or having dinner in the smokiest bar in town, Hafners, eating fried food and drinking beer with my mom and Bert? I heard a Def Leppard song today and thought to myself "this is what home sounds like". Maybe that's why I love classic rock so much, because it sounds like home. Being raised by a man who loved Aerosmith, Clapton and those of the like, one can only imagine why, upon hearing Def Leppard or Boston or AC/DC, I feel like going home.

I think it's because I finally understand what it is I really want out of life. WOW. I knew coming here would make me really get it, but this is just too wild. It took me driving close to 2500 miles to the edge of the country to understand I never should have left it. Isn't that funny? My place? It's with my family. Rob's family. My best friend. In Illinois. I had always believed that I wanted to live in a big city. NYC. Or LA. And become a household name. For people to buy albums with my picture on the front. Or see me in a Broadway show. My life didn't turn out that way. And I'm not upset by that. Not in the least bit. As you all know, I've done such work on myself, on my life, to understand why I do the things I do. Who I am. For real. Not the surface, but deep down. And I know now, that what I've wanted for such a long time is still what I want. To have my own theatre company. It's been my dream for some time now, and I've finally decided to go back to school for my MFA in Theatre. Don't ask me where. I'm not ready to go there yet. The universe has opened up to me this much, and I don't want to push her. She has been so generous in just these two months, and I don't feel like pissing her off.

Long story short, let's hope Rob gets the Augie job so we can move home, I can go to WIU for the theatre program and we can buy a house. Fingers crossed.

Here is a recent pic of Rob and I at the beach.

Stuff

Okay, can I just say how cool Lost was last night? Did you guys watch it?! I love that Locke lived in a hippie commune with weed growers/farmers in Humboldt County!!! And they mentioned Eureka! We felt like celebs. Funny thing is that these communes really do exist out here. Just open the paper and read the 'for rent' classifieds and you'll find them: people with space on their "farms" where you can come and live and grow shit. It's way too funny.

I started my tutoring position today after three days of training. It's the bomb. I really enjoy it. The kids are great, and my office is way cool. I feel very important.

I apologize to those of you who are awaiting responses to your emails. For some reason Hotmail is f'ed up yet again, and neither one of us can even download the page. It's time for a new computer.

Rob and I have decided that we're heading to San Francisco for a day over Thanksgiving break- we're so close, and Rob's brother Ross and his partner Christopher live in LA. They are driving up for Turkey Day to see friends. So we're going to drive down the day after, see some of the things we haven't yet, have dinner with Ross and Christopher, then drive back the next day. That way we can still see fam, but we won't spend too much $ in the process.

Ugly Betty on in 15 mins. Gotta go!

Mid-week update

Hello fans-

After the birthday orgy of gifts and too much food, I severely paid for it on Sunday afternoon. I laid on the couch most of the day, eating soup and feeling like I was going to die. Rob and I rented Sixteen Candles in honor of my birthday present and settled in for the entire day. It rained all day anyway, so it was appropriate.

All in all, I had a pretty good haul for the birthday. Other than Rob's gifts, I received close to $300 from relatives sending birthday cards. Mom sent me a gift card to Old Navy (yay!) and four bottles of Kraft Light Done Right! French salad dressing. For some reason, California restaurants and grocery stores have something against French dressing, and seeing as it's really the only one I like, Mom hooked me up. Thanks Mom!

As a side note, I was hired last week as the new Math tutor at South Bay School in Eureka. I'll be working mornings every day there, and I've been training the last few days. It's going to be so much fun- I can't wait to start! I'll even have my own office! It will be a great bonus to our already comfortable income- Rob and I want to buy a house, hopefully whenever and wherever the next place we move to. This will help us to save up that much needed down-payment we'll need.

Am looking forward to the holidays, when we'll get to see all our friends and family, including friends in Cincinnati! Yahoo!

Happy Birthday to me

I'm 29 today!

You say it's your birthday!
(Na na na na na na na na)
It's my birthday too, yah.
(Na na na na na na na)
Say it's your birthday!
(Na na na na na na)
Happy Birthday to ya.

Was never much of a Beatles fan, but that song does pretty much rock.

It's been a great birthday so far- the birthday fairy left me a keychain that has quotes from the movie Sixteen Candles- can you really beat Long Duk Dong saying "ohhhhh sexy girlfriend!"? I didn't think so. I'm told by my husband to be ready to go at 6pm for a night on the town and surprises. I can't wait! With more presents to come!

Although I did have to sit through the most god-awful concert last night. The Humboldt Symphony Orchestra played the Mozart symphony no. 31 in D Major. I like Mozart. Always have. Not when it sounds like a 7th grade orchestra though. And, get this, the other piano faculty played Gershwin's Rhapsody in Blue with them (the jazz band/wind symphony version is way cooler). Sweet Jesus, it was smokin' bad. This is one of thee sexiest pieces of music ever composed by one of thee most influential and brilliant musicians of the 20th century. Seriously? My dog's ass sounds better. It was really awful. Everyone was saying after "Wasn't it amazing?" and I just had to walk away. I guess that is what four years of listening to music at CCM will do to a person...spoil you!

More to come tomorrow after the bevy of birthday ends.

Thanks for the funniest card I've ever seen in my life, Les! love you too!

Continued....

Had a great birthday evening! Rob took me out to Hurricane Kate's, this very hip, California-style (duh) meal. We feasted on a lovely pinot noir, a mediterranean appetizer plate with tahini, hummus, pita, and olives. It was amazing. Next came Pork Saltimboca with Leek and garlic-infused mashed potatoes and organic farmer's market vegies. It was perfect. We walked down the street to Gabriel's where we had our anniversary meal. We finished the evening with chocolate cake and coffee. On the way home I received a phone call from my brother Jake and sister Abby wishing me Happy Birthday. It was such a pleasant surprise to talk to them!

To end the evening, Rob also got me three bars of real swiss dark chocolate, two pumpkins for carving, and a day at the spa! Not a bad haul for turning 29.

Leaving you with a pic from the bar at Kate's.

Weekly Update

Well, it was bound to happen, I guess. My first California cold. I kind of figured I would have gotten it last week, when Rob got it. Nope. It decided to creep it's ugly head today (Monday) of all days. I went to work and felt okay, however, a few hours later I was burning up and had the mother of all sore throats. So I'm doing my tried and true remedy of gargling with salt water- disgusting... who ever thought of this?- and E-mer-gen-C. Usually I can head off the gross stuff at the pass with this. Hopefully it will just go up into my head and nose, which I would much prefer over a sore throat and chest cold.

The weekend was quite boring, as Rob was on death's door. Thursday was the Kidsclub party. The kids had a blast- jammies and popcorn and Spongebob on the TV. It was a riot. Here is a pic of Kristin and I with the kids (yay for blogger! Posting the pics makes Ally happy)


Friday, Rob and I headed down to the DMV to get our licenses and register the car. Rob was able to do his, but due to the fact I didn't have the proper US indentification, I wasn't allowed to get mine. I had a hospital birth certificate, not a county birth certificate. I understand California has to be a little more strict what with all the immigration laws out here, but come on people! Would you mistake me for a threat to national security? Idiots. So mom is sending the passport- hopefully that will suffice. We stayed at home Friday night and watched a Kathy Bates movie- love her.
Saturday was teaching day, then out to another Arts Alive in Old Town. We only stayed out for a little while, due to Rob's nasty virus. Sunday was a lazy, doing the laundry and dropping my film off at the developer. Rob played a concert last night to commemorate the anniversary of Schumann's death. He was great, despite feeling so yucky. The others? Zzzzzzzzzz. I could do without.

Next Sunday, we are staring Lindy Hop/Swing lessons. We were going to start Tango last weekend, but Rob was ill, and last night we had to be at HSU for Rob's performance. It was a sign to us that Tango will have to wait- Lindy Hop won't!

And of course, I turn the big 29 on Saturday. Rob is planning on taking me to this hip little restaurant in Old Town called Hurricane Kate's. Reminds me a lot of Kona Bistro in Oakley. I hope the food is as good.

Ciao.

Random tidbits...

Yet another TV show has taken over part of my existence... the season premiere of Lost is tonight. It's something I've been waiting for for months. Did Desmond live? Who is the woman we saw in the finale? What will happen to Michael and Walt? What do The Others want with Sawyer, Jack and Kate? And seriously, who are The Others? I'm hoping we find out this year.

I spent two hours online last night, securing tickets home for Christmas. Tickets from Arcata to Moline, IL were going to be $900 a piece! Yikes. So we decided to drive down to SF the day before, fly out of Oakland to O'Hare, and rent a car to drive home to the QC. It will be a lot of hassle, but we're saving about $1200 doing it this way. I'll take the driving down to SF, spending a day in the hippest city I've ever been to, then flying out the next morning. We'll be home for 9 days, which will be a much needed vacation with fam and friends. Hopefully we'll get a day or two to visit the Nati. Miss you guys!

Tomorrow is the first Kidsclub party of the year- I can't wait! We have a Reward Board up in class- when the kids are good (quiet during homework time, fast clean up during snack, and good sportsmanship during games) they earn points toward parties. Once our mascot, Spongebob Squarepants, reaches his pineapple, the kids are rewarded with a party! Tomorrow is pajama day. We will be in our jammies, eating popcorn and drinking hot cocoa- super fun!

Oh, and another random bit of information... for those of you who read the blog often, you'll be pleased to know I heard from him. The Artist. I sent him a letter about two weeks back, where it finally reached him in New Mexico, of all places. It was such a pleasant surprise to see his name in my inbox, along with a picture of him and his latest work.

Weather here has been so disgusting for the past few days. COLD COLD COLD. And rainy as well. I guess I'd better get used to it. Sun is supposed to come out in a few days. I'll keep my fingers crossed for that.

Rob is still looking for jobs for the next academic year. We enjoy life here, but HSU isn't a long-term kind of place for someone as musically stellar as my husband. And Eureka isn't a long-term kind of place for someone as poor as us- two bedroom shacks (and I mean SHACKS) run about $200,000. Think of what that would buy in our hometown. Sad. Anyway, for my Nati friends, there is a piano job open at Georgetown U, near Lexington. Sooooo, there may be a slight chance of us moving back. We're still thinking about it. Who knows...?

Weekly Update

Had a bit of an emotional breakdown last night. No. A break-through. I'll get to that momentarily.

We had a nice, albeit boring weekend at home. Friday was the school carnival, which was so fun. They had popcorn, corn dogs, spin art, wax hands, the cake walk, karaoke. I thought about getting my groove on in front of all the kids, but decided against it. Rob and I bought ten game tickets, used two, and then I gave the rest of them away to my favorite kids. We had mexican food after, and came home.

Saturday we both taught, then ran some errands before hitting the grocery. We rented an Ethan Hawke flick and called it a night.

We were to start our tango class yesterday, but Rob had a huge headache and sore throat (it seems to be going around quite a bit here in Humboldt). We ended up staying at home and watching D. Housewives.

I'm not sure what exactly came over me last night. I was watching tv, Rob was in bed doing his sudoku. I suddenly became sad, not for sure as to why, but felt like the weight of the world was on my chest. I then realized how lonely I felt. How I missed my friends. Chuck, Charlie, B, Mark, Kels. All of you. I missed being able to sit with someone and just talk. About real things, things that mattered. And I realized that I was afraid to say those things to Rob. Why? Shouldn't you want to share your inner-most feelings and thoughts with your spouse? Isn't that what I had always envisioned a life with someone would be like? Not afraid to share your passions? My thoughts were reeling, about men in my past. Had I married ______, would I be able to tell them everything? Why is Rob different? Because we don't talk that way with one another any more? We used to, when we first started dating 6 years ago. But that all melts away. Life becomes monotony. You settle into a pattern with someone. And I realized I had become asexual. At least it's how I felt. I came to bed, and Rob sensed I was feeling off. He asked what was wrong, and I said all the things I had just mentioned. Fearlessly. He said "Instead of talking about communicating, why don't you just do it. Tell me what you feel". I waited. Rob said he needed to go to bed (it was late). He rolled over and I started to cry. Uncontrollably. Heaving sobs, the kind where you can't even speak. He held me and asked "What is going on?"... and it was this moment I realized it.

Realized what, you ask? Well, that's my little secret, isn't it? Just know that I figured out a piece of myself, of my marriage. It's mine. I'm going to keep it hidden away in a place that I will only tell you about if you ask me. It was a surreal moment, life-altering and beautiful, and I feel the universe is slowly beginning to reveal her secrets to me, one by one.

Writings as of late...

I've still been writing... for real writing. Here are some recent adventures from my pen....

Untitled

Green is the color I remember.
Shades of Earth, neon,
breathing out in long strands of life.
I remember his eyes.
His same beauty from childhood,
and the way his eyes would always find mine.
He wore green, dark.
Like trees off the foggy coast.
His eyes were dark chocolate.
His smile was endless.
And the way he gestured,
as if he'd been waiting for me for ages.
To know him.
To feel him.
To understand some great mystery
we'd both tried, secretly,
to uncover so many years before.


Nightfall

The night fell,
in shades of periwinkle,
deep and warm.
Until there was nothing left but
finite luminesence.
Dark violet and blues against a
backdrop of gleaming rose.
A blanket of stars appears,
a new moon in the dark sky.
All I hear is music,
feel the wet dew against my bare feet,
and I am aware of his breath.
He will say nothing.
He doesn't have to.
I will wait. Continuing on,
minutes or years, as I have before.
In hope that I will spend just
one more nightfall alone,
just us,
as the shadows grow long once again.

Weekly Update

I apologize for not posting the update when it was supposed to go up... the weekend. However, last Friday we lost our dial tone- this meant no phone service and no internet. We didn't get it back until last night. It really sucked. But we're back online now, and all is well.

We have had a beautiful week on the North Coast, sunny and high 60's for the past five days. I won't bitch, that's for sure. Apparently, starting in November, it's going to rain practically straight through the winter and early spring... for five straight months. Sounds a bit depressing, don't you think?

The Season premiere of Grey's was fabulous. Although we won't find out who she picks for a while, I'm sure. We can't get all the goods at the beginning- the show can't jump the shark just yet... it's too damned good.

Anyway, it's been a nice couple of days. Saturday Rob and I were done teaching early, so we headed down to the Farmer's Market for our fresh produce. It was beautiful, per usual, the plaza filled with people dancing and eating and making merriment. We came home, changed, picked up the dog and headed to the beach. After Maddy was throughly tired, we came home, changed again, and headed to the Lost Coast Brewery for a bite. It was exactly what we needed- pub grub. Lots of fried shit and beer. It was great!

Sunday was another gorgeous day, and we took Maddy down to the annual Woofstock festival, a fundraiser for the Sequoia Humane Society. It was a blast- so many dogs and their owners. Maddy sniffed a lot of butts and got love from many passerby. There were contests for biggest, smallest, biggest woof, best costume, owner look-a-like. The three of us had a great time. Rob and I brought Maddy home, got some sandwiches, and headed for the beach... again. It really sucks to be me, I know. The dunes were filled with people going for a run, flying kites, making sandcastles. We had a nice picnic, then laid in the sun for about an hour. The cutest thing was this little girl, buck naked, running around the beach with her older (fully-clothed) brothers. She was so free and happy, being her divine, feminine, creative self.

We're all feeling good, on the WW plan again. Moving here, spending that many days in a car eating fast food and not taking care of myself really did a number on both my spirit and my body. I've been yo-yo-ing ever since with my weight, feeling yucky. I've been good the last two weeks, doing my cardio and sticking to the plan, and I'm taking off that extra bulk/water I've so needed to shed. The size 10's are back on! Despite feeling good with my allergies/asthma, we have something else to contend with here. Yes, there isn't any smog, but we do have forest fires inland. The smoke drifts out here to the coast, and makes everyone feel disgusting. I'm doing okay, but Rob is feeling the effects badly.
Maddy is feeling fine- we had a bit of a scare last week as she woke us at 6am, frantically ringing her bell and whining at the side of the bed. Turns out the poor thing had a UTI, blood in her urine every time she went pee. I was a wreck, calling the vet at 7am (of course no one is open until 8). We went to the vet, paid a hundred bucks, and they told us to "keep an eye on her". Of course, she was fine, and kicked it on her own within a day. Although the next day she puked on the bed (that was fun) and had diarrhea for the next. She's fine now, we're making sure she doesn't eat anything weird outside.

Still lovin' Kidsclub! Friday night is the school carnival- haven't been to one since the 6th grade, so Rob and I will be in attendance for the cake walk, dunk tank and all the other fun stuff grade schoolers do for that sort of event. My teaching at HSU is going well- having a great time with my classes and students. I also sent in my application to a talent agency here in town, and got a call last night to be in an independant movie they are filming here. The movie stars the actress Fairuza Balk from movies The Craft and Almost Famous. I was asked to be in a scene in a jazz club as "background"- my first movie credit!! Unfortunately, they are filming Saturday, and with my commitment to teaching at HSU, I won't be able to do it. However, the casting agent said she would keep me in mind for other scenes in case my schedule allows it. Cool!

Sunday night, Rob and I begin an 8-week long Tango class. I CANNOT WAIT. This is going to be a blast. I'm not a fantastic dancer, but I'm okay. I'm much more light on my feet than my husband. But we are excited to do something fun like this together.

And sorry for the lack of pictures as of late. My fossil-aged computer won't let me post for some reason. When we get the new one, expect pictures out the yang.

McDreamy or O'Dreamy?

The fight is on... who will Meredith choose? Will she go with the vet, Finn O'Dreamy? Or will she stick with fabulous-haired Dr. McDreamy?

I can't friggin' wait for the season premiere of Grey's Anatomy tomorrow night. Who do you think she'll pick?

If I were Meredith Grey, I'd totally be screwed. While the sex with McDreamy was probably mind-blowing in that dark little room they had their trist in on the finale, he did call her a whore and pick his whiny, annoying wife (who, let's not forget to mention, cheated on him) over Meredith. To choose over O'Dreamy and McDreamy? What's a girl to do?

Weekly Update

Since my revelation on Thursday, it's been a lovely couple of days. We've been lucky enough to have four days in a row of complete sunshine, and have been taking advantage of the lovely weather.

Friday- It was a gorgeous day, and I didn't want to go to work. We had a nice breakfast, then headed down the hill to Old Town. I wanted to do some shopping at the vintage shops down there, and discovered this shop, What's New?, filled with beautiful finds. My only purchase? A dark pink beret. Being the 80's music geek that I am, I'm calling it my Raspberry Beret-the kind you find in a second-hand store? How appropriate. Went to work and spent the day with some great kids, watching Hercules. After returning home, Rob and I headed to Luzmila's, a mexican restaurant. We got groceries and went home.

Saturday- My music classes are such a blast. The parents love it, the kids are having such a good time, and it starts off my weekend in such a good mood. After teaching on Saturday, Rob and I went down to the plaza in Arcata to see the North Country Arts Fair. It was packed with people, vendors, local artisans. Glass blowers, painters, photographers, weavers. Our neighbor, Amy, is a weaver, and had a booth there as well. We stopped in to see her work- so lovely. If I only had $65 to buy her hemp placemats... there was live music, people dancing barefoot in the streets. Picture hippie California in your mind- this is it. Rob and I got a few chocolate-covered strawberries and called it a day.

Sunday- I haven't been sleeping as of late. I'm not sure exactly what is keeping me from slumber, but when I woke on Sunday morning, despite the sunshine, I felt tired and crabby. We cleaned the house a bit after reading the paper, showered, then took a picnic up to Redwood Park. It was the perfect day. We spread out a blanket in the bright sunshine, and had our feast. The park was full of people out doing the same thing. People throwing frisbees or footballs, people with their dogs, girls studying. The coolest part was a group of three guys were sitting on a picnic table with hand-strung drums. They created music for the whole park to hear. After a while, they lit up this huge joint and passed it around to each other. A girl with hairy armpits came to join them and danced (badly I might add) to their rhythms. It was a sight.

I slept last night. Finally. And for the first time in many years, I feel that I'm listening to myself. I'm listening to what the universe is saying... I'm living in the here and now. I'm making choices that benefit my well-being. I'm writing letters to people I've been meaning to for a long time. It makes me feel content.

I did not get the job with the city. However, I'm feeling okay about it. I had my reservations, considering how much I love working at Kidsclub. I'm just waiting things out, taking care of myself right now. That is the most important thing.

Feminine Divine

I had a dream, a few nights ago. In the dream, I was in dark room, where I was wrapped inside a spider web. I saw the spider, multi-colored and small, crawling away from me. I tried my hardest to brush the spider aside, but I was caught in it's strong web, unable to move much outside of an inch or two. It eventually crawled away, and I was able to break out of the web. In the dream, I was also taking care of a puppy, sweet and furry. It looked much like a chow chow, with warm brown eyes. What followed was strange... I was sitting with a snake, feeding the snake a raw piece of tuna (not from the can) on a fork. The snake was not threatening, and I never once felt that she would bite me. Although she was tentative to take a bite, once she felt trusting enough, she eventually devoured the food in front of her. I woke, at 6am, and at once knew each and every symbol in the dream.

In dreams, spiders often tend to signify creativity, dogs often mean strength; fur means warmth and happiness. Food, in this case a raw tuna steak, means prosperity, plenty and abundance.

The most interesting of the symbols was the snake. Many of you may know that snakes are ancient symbols for transmutation. It often signifies the dreamer will go through a a vast, inner change that will be reflected in her outer life. Even more amazing, the snake is an even more ancient symbol for the Great Goddess. If the dreamer is female, she will soon come into realization of her power as a woman.

Putting all these together, I could deduce that my creativity, which is emerging from it's cocoon (or web in this instance) is grounded in strength. In fact, there is an abundance of it. The fact that I dreamt of feeding a snake is simple- my creative activity (which I have noticed as of late, seems to be bursting out of me- I can't write fast enough as the thoughts come forth) is feeding my inner female, or as Sue Monk Kidd says, Herself. That because I am finally able to access thoughts, passions, raw emotion in my writing, I will become who I am meant to be.

This realization shook me to my knees.

I couldn't imagine this before. As I've said, I've always believed in the power of dreams. Considering the path I've been on the past few weeks of communicating fearlessly to myself about who I really am, what I am made of, and the things I need to remedy, this was a powerful experience.

Honestly, I feel as if for the first time in my life, I understand myself. That, yes, things happen because they are meant to. I came to California to finally come to terms with the person I am. I am definately just scratching the surface. But I am not afraid of that. I understand that I can't fix the past. That I cannot go back and spend that night with him that I meant to six years ago. But I can forgive myself for not knowing any better because I was young and naive, full of fear like I had never felt in my life.

I am content.
I am happy.
I am full.
I have found my own Divine Feminine.

She is alive and well.